Hitler.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 15:53, Reply)

missed my 10 year candle by 2 days
two bastard days

i can't handle this shit
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 15:19, Reply)

Am I being a control freak by suggesting that the mods have got really lazy recently?
and that the whole 'changing questions on a Thursday' is now a thing of the past?

PULL YOUR FINGERS OUT OF DOG'S BUMS AND CHANGE THE QUESTION! NOW!
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 14:31, 1 reply)

This has to be one of the dullest QOTW's ever
Can't wait to see what goes on the front page.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 23:49, 2 replies)

Control freak or Freakin' out-of-control?
The majority of Teachers are control freaks, or at least some of them have to be. We had a music teacher who would have tantrums if pupils got the lessons wrong. Some pupils would deliberately get the music wrong to see him flip his lid. After 10 minutes of a calculated wind-up he would hurl objects across the room and kick tables and chairs over. Often wanging a cymbal across the room toward the object of his misery, frisbee like. All of this culminated in him screaming at the guilty students.
(luckylife , 0 guests and 3 bots are online, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 22:06, 14 replies)

Make it fast. And sexy.
And after it's all over, you say "oh, what a lovely tea party".
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Alarming convergence
Time Lords are the ultimate control freaks - seeking to control not only the destiny of those in the present but also those in the past

But why the hell is the storyline of Dr.Who now converging with that of Dr.Skagra - with a rival timelord, regenerated into pert female form, facing down the Doctor?
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 9:58, 6 replies)

pointless shitcunt wankers talking shit
Arseholes. Fuck off.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 1 Nov 2014, 21:45, 8 replies)

it was my birthday
and two friends took my girlfriend and me out to dinner at a fairly posh restaurant. It looked to be a very pleasant evening, with food and wine and good company.

I had my cell phone with me- an admittedly crappy bit of work which had no vibrate mode that I ever found, and no way of silencing it when someone called. Unfortunately this was during the Bad Times in the divorce process, so I had to keep it on in case the kids called with an emergency. But if it started to ring, I had a folded napkin handy to muffle the sound to a whisper if it was a non-emergency call.

As luck would have it, of course, everyone I knew was trying to call me that night.

After the fourth or fifth call that I immediately muffled under the napkin, a guy at the table across the aisle and down one snarled "Answer your goddam phone!"

"I'm sorry," I said in my gentlest voice, "I have to keep in on in case my kids need me. I'll try to keep it quiet."

"Well then call your kids!"

"Ummm... look, I'm only keeping it on in case of an emergency. If they call I'll answer them; otherwise I'm covering it with this napkin-"

"Just answer your fucking phone!" he yelled.

The woman next to him and the couple across from them were looking increasingly uncomfortable through this. I tried again to apologize and explain, but he kept getting louder and angrier. His friends looked like they were ready to crawl away under the tables, and his woman was telling him loudly to shut up. My friends tried to intervene, but he started in on them as well.

Finally I used my most stentorian Brian Blessed voice, the drill sergeant tone that makes people jump, and announced, "Sir, you are drunk. Please take your friends' advice and quiet down." I said this with the most scorn I could muster.

The result was immediate, of course. He surged to his feet and his friends grabbed him and dragged him out the door, bellowing as he went.

The waitress approached with a look of terror in her eyes. "Sir, I'm so sorry! We could hear it all the way up at the front!"

I smiled up at her. "No worries. You had nothing to do with it. We're all fine."

She looked after the vanished group. "They were out at the bar for a couple of hours before their table was ready. And they had just opened a $270 bottle of wine, too."

I sat up. "They did? Well, it shouldn't be wasted, should it? Pass it on over!"

She glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then grabbed the bottle and handed it to me. She then got me a fresh glass and scurried off.

My friends were still buzzing with adrenaline. "I'm so sorry that this happened on your birthday!" she exclaimed, her cheeks red.

I laughed. "Why? Are you kidding? That was great! Look- he was a drunken blustering bully, right? Not only did I publicly tell him off and get his friends to drag him out of here, but I also made sure that he's not gonna get laid for about a month. And now I'm drinking his wine besides!"

And at the end of the meal the manager came and apologized, and comped us our meal. Result, mothafukka.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 1 Nov 2014, 17:37, 10 replies)

Gym tales
My question of the week: Why is it that only girls with pony tails use the gym?
(mallyjoe, Sat 1 Nov 2014, 12:10, 5 replies)

Hey, Sandra Bullock Lied
Her Fans Are In Shock. Her Huge Secret Is Finally Exposed!
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 19:40, 6 replies)

hot single girls in your area!!!
chat with hot single girls in your area right now!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 16:07, 5 replies)

How is it fair,
that username failed moderation is still here?
It's like hoping for Jimi and getting Bono.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 14:51, 3 replies)

I had a boss whose coffee had to be made exactly like this:
1 level tsp instant coffee. 2 level tsp sugar. 100ml hot water. Fill rest of mug with skimmed milk. Microwave 1 minute. Stir. Microwave 30 seconds.

If it was in any way wrong, he would refuse to drink it, come and stand behind my chair and scream at me for several minutes.
(Porcupine, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 14:06, 10 replies)

Is it normally so quiet these days, and why are so many people harping on about Dr Shambolic?
I am new here, though I used to lurk years ago and and remember QOTW typically getting hundreds of entries and changing every Thursday.

Was Dr Shambolic really so important, and why are we into a second week with this question?

Also, why doesn't Skagra get the message and fuck off or something?
(Porcupine, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 14:02, 38 replies)

A Next Generation of japery
Rumour has it that the filming of the Star Trek: The Next Generation series and films were beset with practical jokery, including replacing the Captain's uniform with a red 'sacrificial' ensign's shirt. Even Patrick Stewart is alleged to have snuck out of his dressing-room marked 'Captain Picard' and into the one marked 'Commander Riker' to hide his co-star's clothes, refreshments and other personal belongings and simulate a burglary, thus showing that, with the right amount of determination, you can troll Frakes.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 13:35, 6 replies)

it's pretty boring on here without Dr. Shambolic

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 8:21, 15 replies)

I had this total domineering bitch of a teacher when I was 11.
Not only did she expect me to do what she wanted all day, but then she tried to send stuff with me to do at home.

My mum put her foot down when I asked for help putting on that bondage mask with the ball gag.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 31 Oct 2014, 0:42, 2 replies)

WE WILL CONTROL ALL THAT YOU SEE AND HEAR
www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6zSU7fzdmY
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 18:48, 1 reply)

Relax;
nothing is under control.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 17:31, 8 replies)

This was actually my proper account...
which I've accidentally turned into a novelty account, because I'm such a control freak I won't allow myself to post from it again until next year.
(raffbone is a cunning stunt, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 17:11, Reply)

old sort-of friend
had learning difficulties and was placed on a "vulnerable" list.
ended up with a controlling bastard of a fella who only let her out of the house once a week to go shopping. she had an hour to get everything done and, if she wasn't back, he'd call the police and report her missing. due to her vulnerable status, they actually went looking for her and brought her back home to that prick.
so glad she dumped him, i had foreseen bad things if she'd stayed.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 16:21, 12 replies)

half a show
i can't watch telly at my mother's house. she has an iron grip on the remote control and feels the need to switch to another channel while the ads are on, thus making you miss part of the show you were originally watching and getting you interested in the second show, just to turn it over again. even my dad isn't allowed to complain or touch the remote without getting called a baldy cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 15:41, 5 replies)

Cutlery drawer
My girlfriend has the cutlery in the following order:

Spoons (teaspoons and dessert spoons mixed), knives, garlic crusher/pizza slicer. Then in the horizontal slot - forks.

It's hard to sleep at night.
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:13, 41 replies)

Too hot to handle, too cold to hold. They're called the QOTWers and they're in control.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:02, 6 replies)

Sometimes I really miss him.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:50, 5 replies)

Well this escalated slowly.

(SlantedScience, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 1:44, 2 replies)

I'm totally obsessed with another user of this website.
That proves how much of a control freak they are, I think you'll agree.
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 29 Oct 2014, 23:34, 1 reply)

I also think it ironic that we have this topic
the same week that our very own control freak* is prevented from making any contribution. Perhaps that's his punishment.




*Or is he a megalomaniac? Is that just the same thing on a larger scale?
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 23:26, Reply)

I think it important
that, having read through the paucity of this week's QOTW entries, we establish that there is a distinct difference between pissy-arse obsessive-compulsive behaviour and the irrefutable dominance of the true control freak.

You don't agree? We'll soon see about that...
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 23:21, 4 replies)