not the hotel, the guests
a few years back, i went on holiday with my cousin. the hotel wasn't great and the dining room was across the street, but the drinks were free. as a result of this, we got extremely shitfaced the first night there. we actually drank so much that the cockney barman decided to keep a record of our intake for the duration of our stay.
during that first boozy evening, we met a nice welsh family who'd brought an ounce of weed with them. we also met 2 scottish lads, one nice, the other a fat, ugly rugby-playing arsehole. arsehole took a liking to my cousin and, despite being told in no uncertain terms to fuck off, he proceeded to stalk her for the rest of the holiday.
one night, we got back to our room to find a teddy bear outside the door. it was one of those cutesy ones holding a heart, which had "i need a hug" printed on it, along with a note from arsehole, begging my cousin to sleep with him. as their room was 2 floors directly above us, we decided to throw his teddy back to him. we did, after i'd ripped its head off and changed its message from "i need a hug" to "i need psychiatric help".
this did not go down well.
we woke the next day to find many of the guests looking at us and giggling. we had no idea why.
on the last night, however, arsehole's mate came to our room and told us why everyone was laughing at us; arsehole had told the ENTIRE HOTEL that he'd shagged my cousin senseless on the first night and that she'd followed him around for the rest of the holiday, begging him for more!
this little nugget of information just about tipped me over the edge. my cousin was a nervous wreck by this time, crying and desperate to go home. i decided that she would be revenged. oh yes, she would.
i ran down the stairs to the bar to find arsehole sitting there with a smug look on his face, telling newly-arrived guests about the girl he'd been getting stalked by. i walked over and grabbed him by the hair, spinning him round to face me.
"what have you been saying, you lying, ugly fuck?" i yelled at him, "my cousin wouldn't touch you! she knocked you back the first night and you've been stalking her!"
he stood up to face me, then made the biggest mistake of his life: he laughed at me.
i've never hit anybody so hard in my life. i was so angry, i actually THREW him over 3 tables and through a set of french windows. he wisely decided not to get back up.
"if you ever come near us again," i yelled, "i'll fucking kill you!"
and with that, i stormed back upstairs to spend my last night there consoling my cousin.
getting on the coach the next morning, we both thought that we could put the whole unpleasant business behind us.
not so.
when we told the rep our names, she looks at my cousin and says "oh, you're the girl who spent the week with arsehole, aren't you? he's just been telling me that the two of you were inseparable!" cue the waterworks from my cousin as i explained to the rep just how badly this fucknut had ruined our holiday.

we ran into him the next morning on the ferry(i do not fly) and i managed to corner him. "i've already contacted the holiday company" i told him, "they're sueing you on our behalf." and, with a very hefty knee in the bollocks, i left him to keel over on the deck and, hopefully, die.
we couldn't actually sue him as it was his word against ours, but god, i wish i could.

btw, he told the rep that he'd got the black eye and split lip(which i'd given him) after defending an old woman who was being attacked by a gang of thugs.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Jan 2008, 7:01, Reply)