My grandmother.
I'll set the scene for you. My gran is a stubborn as ever Irish lady just within her 80s, she was in her late 70s at the time of telling of this story I believe. She's not lost her marbles: she's as devious and manipulative as ever; though this doesn't stop her from being batty.. She's in hospital in the story and she has a sister.


There she was, in bed awaiting what I believe was a knee operation. Insisting that her Consultant was Betty and her Nurse Mr. Pradhan, because that is what it said on the board. Despite the numerous attempts to tell her that someone wrote it down wrong, she was having none of it.
Her 'nurse' approached her, with a board,

"-Good Morning, you're Granny_Banana, yes?

-Yes, who d'hell do you think I am?

-Good, thank you. Could I ask for your date of birth, please?

-Why the bloody hell d'ya want know that? «She snapped the words out in her usual increasingly aggressive tone»

-For Medical reasons, Granny_Banana.

-3rd June 1927.

-Do you have any next of kin?

-What do I need a bloody next of kin for? It's just me bloody knee that needs looking at!

-Please, Granny_Banana, just bear with me for the moment. Do you have a next of kin?

-Put me sister down.

-Okay, and could we please have your sister's date of birth also?

-«Granny_Banana started to look increasingly angered. The cheek of the man!» I don't know it.

-Your sister's date of birth, you don't know her date of birth?

-That's what I bloody said! How am I supposed to remember that, eh? I don't know when it is."

This went on for a while with her adamant that she did not know her sister's date of birth. By 'for a while' I mean a good day or so, before the hospital rang up her daughter (my mother) in order to find out the date of birth of her sister and to find out that this is the date of birth of her twin sister.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Tue 10 Jul 2007, 13:39, Reply)