Don’t worry!
All you B3tan Babes that fancy men old enough to be your fathers…the feeling is almost certainly mutual.

Now, form an orderly queue while I prepare myself…no…don’t bother, just rush me all at once!
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 13:01, Reply)

Finally one I must fit in...
I was about 6 when I sat before the grace of the Childlike Empress in the Neverending Story.

I don't still, I swear... not even just a little...?
(Dyslexic Pidgeon, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 12:53, Reply)

Pete Doherty
It would be inappropriate if my other half weren't a smack head too.

And no....I do not.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 5 Oct 2006, 12:32, Reply)

Everybody needs good Neighbours......
I used to have a crush on the actress who plays Susan Kennedy ......until I found out that the she's a raging lesbian and she always wears long sleeve tops - that'll be to cover all the tattoos then...:(

(Not got anything against lesbians but it kinda ruined the fantasy that she doesn't take to smoking teh cock!)
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 12:31, Reply)

fwoar
I had this music teacher who was HOT. At the age of 15 or something I had a chance to fiddle with myself while picturing her pretty face and perfectly hemispherical breasts. I wrote a bit of erotic fan fiction about her at one point, which unfortunately (for me) happened to get into the hands of my schoolmates. I don't think I ever lived that down.
( Frumbert has no sig, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 12:29, Reply)

I'm sure he thought it was...
When my fiance first met me, we were very similar in terms of personality, but in terms of politics, physical looks, etc we were total opposites. He's 6'2", I'm 4'11", he's very well built and a little chubby, I'm tiny and curvy, I was a left-leaning veggie from a lower income home and he was actively right wing and from a rather well off very middle class home. He spent most of our first meeting making fun of me and trying to crush my hand (I told him it wouldn't work, it's like they're made of rubber, but he wouldn't listen!).

Three days later he asked me out

I said no, as I already had a boyfriend

One week later we met again at a friend's house

Halfway through the evening he takes me aside and says:

"Uh, I was talking to Joel from school, telling him how I'd met you last week and he said 'Oh, Hampster, you mean the test-tube baby with the lesbian mother?'. Is there something you should be telling me?"

"Um, yes, yes there is..."

I'm sure after that he thought it was a very inappropriate crush. Didn't make any diffrence though, although I have made his life far more 'interesting' than it would otherwise have been.

One day I'm going to kill Joel...
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 11:29, Reply)

thinking back....
...crushes I've had on people I actually know, always seem to be on ones that remind me of me....


is that inappropriate?

(I am pretty special)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 11:14, Reply)

First Teacher
When i was Four my first teacher was Miss Leavy. I was besotted with her. Once i even tried to put my hand down her top.

"For Gods sake Alvy, even Fraud talked of a Latency Period"

Well i never had a Latency period!
(Hendrix73, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 10:50, Reply)

Your mother...
Especially when she is wearing her Freudian slip...
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 5 Oct 2006, 9:52, Reply)

oh god yes...
axl rose in the 80's... why so inappropriate? not the drugs, booze, rock and roll lifestyle... but LONG GINGER HAIR AND A GINGER BEARD!

anyway, have you seen him recently? stupid old fool, looks like his stretched face is covered in clingfilm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 9:43, Reply)

My "best mate"...
(but literally) fancies both his second cousin once removed and her daughter. He thinks it's ok as it's distant enough family. You, and I, may feel differently.
( BigFreak thinks that words are fun, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 9:28, Reply)

Recent
I will be releasing a book soon of "Tiger Woods' odd crushes", available at every good book store...

Current (ish) is Cully from Midsomer murders - It's that innocent face. And that she's blonde of course....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 9:09, Reply)

As we're talking about cartoon characters...
Captain Mendoza from "The Mysterious Cities of Gold" (remember that?) gives me the horn. The way he always has a half-smile confidentally playing about his lips, set in amazingly chiselled features...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 8:56, Reply)

Zzzzz
One of the sleepy lasses off that commuter video from the newsletter is a bit of all right.
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Thu 5 Oct 2006, 8:14, Reply)

....strangely.....
....I have a thing for guys in masks.

Or, even better, motorbike helmets. The extra leather and throbbing bike are nice too.

Excuse me, I have to go lie down for a minute....
(emma_fisi, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 3:58, Reply)

Oh God, Did I Really...?
Knew I was (mostly) gay from an early age and was attracted by hairy men. Knocked one out over a copy of the Radio 1 diary in about 1977 - Noel Edmonds, the Bee Gees and (HORRORS!!)Dave Lee Travis all had their chests out in it. Even worse I was in the bathroom where were staying with Posh Friends Of The Family supposedly having a poo.

Oh and Benny from ABBA when he was skinny in 1975.

And both PC Plum and Archie from Balamory.

Ainsley Harriot.

Please make it stop!!
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 23:47, Reply)

shame
Pam Ferris - as Ma Larkin in the darling buds of may...

coat
(BadgerPirate, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:36, Reply)

woooo
Emma Bolton in Grange Hill
she is just so damn cute.....
(Zuffle farts silently in lifts then leaves the warm aroma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:28, Reply)

My ex-husband, of Olympic-standard ugliness, halitosis and B.O.,
somehow managed to engender a crush in a 15 year-old girl. He happily took advantage, notwithstanding the fact that he was her teacher and so liable for a hefty sentence if caught.

Caught he was, and is now serving two years.

He made the tabloids. I hope his mother's proud.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:11, Reply)

I'm having one right now...
...thankfully, nobody will recognise me who might be able to guess the names.

I play World of Warcraft, and until recently, was unemployed and engaged. Both the engagement to the fat, paranoid, vindictive obnoxius cow that is my now ex-fiancee and my lack of job (and cash)were depressing me. The only respite I could find was in talking to my guild mates and other friends on WoW. We would quite often be chatting until 1-2 am, often later, both through text based chat and group VoIP applications. One night, my Guild Leader came online and was very upset - she'd had a row with her partner, and he'd told her that if they split he'd take her daughter away from her. We go chatting, and I calmed her down, and both went to bed feeling good that we'd chatted to someone about our problems who wasn't connected with them.
We started chatting on a more regular basis, and began talking about things that were very close to us, and began to chat about sex. I'm not 100% sure what happened, but a few days later I was on the phone to her, talking very dirty words to her while she frigged herself off down the phone, very vocally. Unfortunatly, we both have quite a big crush on each other now, and it's not one that we can let out - she is 33 (i'm 20, not really a problem though), she's been engaged to her partener for 9 years and has been with him for even longer, and they have an 8 year old daughter. I was going to call it off, and I will have to stop this soon before I destroy their relationship... but earlier today I found myself in the city of her residence (not taking the risk that someone will read this and guess), shagging her brains out in the back of her car. I am a bad man.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 21:45, Reply)

One of many missed opportunities
In my previous awful life as a market researcher, I had to conduct focus groups. There was a girl in one of them who was definitely making eyes at me, offering to help me change the tape in my tape recorder (if that's not code, I don't know what is), giving 'helpful' answers, lingering a bit at the end. Sadly, she was at the group with her loud and boisterous mate, whom I didn't fancy at all, so I let the opportunity slip. (In any case, it would have been unprofessional - that's my excuse.)

A few months later this babe turned up on telly - she was an actress and had been given the job of being the Face of Boots (the chemist) on their TV ads.

Vicki, if you're reading this - we connected... But I'm afraid I'm now married and a father, so the moment's gone. I just want you to know it meant a lot to me, even though you're probably not reading this and if you are you're either laughing or going "ewwww".

Oh, and I even remember the date of the group - September 10th, 2001...

I could leave my phone number at the bottom, but that really would be unprofessional.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 21:01, Reply)

English teacher
An old school friend of mine delcared his undying love to our english teacher in year 7, ironically called Hooker.

She avoided him as much as she could for about 6 months.
(tranmerefan, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 20:52, Reply)

Alex Mac
.... stunner!
((((InfraSound))) SUNN0))) > YOU!, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 19:31, Reply)

I could write a book.
Aged roughly 12 I decided that Alan Davies, in his guise as Jonathan Creek, was the Best Thing Ever. Nine months of getting it ripped out of me in school later (you know who you are...) I couldn't stand the sight of him. I still swear and throw things at the telly whenever his ugly mug appears.

Unfortunately I then decided I found my history teacher, who was very obviously involved with one of the English staff, attractive. He looked like an aged David Duchovny. More ripping later, I just stopped admitting things to people.

These days, it's all about Axl Rose (as he was in 1987, when I was two), and Dylan from Neighbours.
( Maladicta, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 19:15, Reply)

Done me mate's sister a few years ago (before Mrs Jeccy)
Was a bit more akward as I worked with largely-built-brick-outhouse mate, but he didn't twat me. Not even after finding out that 4 months later she was pregnant, but it wasn't mine.

In the back-office of the pub we used to work in, he jokingly said "Sure it's not yours Jeccy?"

"Nah," I say,"she can't get pregnant through her throat."

How I didn't get a kick-in is beyond me.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:33, Reply)

Come into my TARDIS little girl...
My first crush was on Peter Davidson as Doctor Who. I was about 4 or 5 (early starter) and had a beige fluffy dressing gown that I felt looked exactly like his jacket on the show (even though it didn't) and wore it every time the show came on, and lots of time in between. I would apparently put a leaf of some sort into the pocket to add authenticity.

My taste did not improve with age and I later in my teenage years became obsessed with Mr C from The Shamen - I don't know whether it was his controversial lyrics, slicked down peroxide hair or spastic dance moves which did it for me, but there you go. I like to think I'm normal now. But I'm not.

My best friend had her first crush on the white stormtroopers from Star Wars. She wasn't particular about which one though, which would've made her chances of pulling far easier had the objects of her lust not been fictional robot people.
( hanabanana, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:18, Reply)

When I was 14
I was madly in love with the poet Byron, who was inappropriately 186 years older than me. And dead too, of course.
Something to do with the whole mad, bad and dangerous to know thing.
(Superene, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:17, Reply)

Surly
Can't believe noone's mentioned, Anne from Neighbours - Billy Kennedy's long term girlfriend.

My god, it was bad enough when she was in her school uniform but the moment she started wearing a boiler suit tied around her waist, my groin almost exploded.

Not strictly inappropriate as I was the same age as the actress at the time. That's my excuse anyway.
(Wolfspur, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Not too bad
lucy from my parents are aliens, but only in the most recent series, maybe it was just the lack of mel and the fact that the actress turned 16, but suddenly she was much more noticeable
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:58, Reply)

Rowan Atkinson
In Blackadder II. It must be the shorts and the goatee that do it.
(Picotee, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:48, Reply)