Mormon-Loo
The cult: The Mormons.

I am a true believer that you can never know too much about anything and as I knew almost nothing about what those whacky Mormons believed, I took it upon myself to dial the toll-free number for the 'free, no strings attached copy of the Book of Mormon.'

It came and I was pleased. I set it aside as I was reading a rather riveting story about a young girl forced into a lesbian convent in France...I think her name was Juliet. Anyway, I digress...

So a couple weeks go by and I get a phone call on a Saturday. Sounds like a fit bird, so I agree to the 'meeting' with her and another Mormon friend. Figuring Im a former Marine, and it will be on ground of my choosing, little chance of an abduction...plus she DID sound rather fit.

I forgot all about it. The night before, my best friend and I had heard about an "All You Can Eat" Maryland Steamed Crab party (if you havent tried them, you really ought to). We went and between the two of us consumed our fair share crabs and beer and then nicked some other folks shares of the beer as well.

The morning dawns and I am in my bed and VERY VERY hung-over. I stumble downstairs to my living room and my buddy is passed out on my sofa. He awakens and apparently, the Roman Legion that went through the Apostle's heads after drinking too much cider apparently made it to the States.

As we are both sitting there, staring at the television, in our boxers, a piercing, shrill sound echoed throughout the house (the doorbell). I stumble to the door, open it and there, standing on my front porch are three of the fittest birds I have ever seen that were not dancing with a pole.

They were Mormons and they were there to save my soul. Sadly, after chatting them up for 45 minutes (both me and my mate STILL in our boxers) none of them were up for an after hours date. I cannot be 100% sure, but I think our chances at a little Mormon Horizontal Mambo'ing were drastically reduced when, perched on my leather sofa, Carl released a fart that could only really be appreciated by someone who had fought in the First World War.

So, it was a damn close run thing, but we ducked them...

Sic Semper Mormonic Tyrannis!

Sean

I only wish I had a camera phone back then...alas...
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 30 Jan 2006, 18:07, Reply)