Still surfin? Every day..
I've always wanted to be one of those tall bronzed surfer types. Unfortunately I would describe my looks as being quintessentially British; more Onslow though, than Jude Law.

Anyway about 15 years ago I went to Australia, and decided I was going to be a surfer. I bought a 'boogie board' and a wetsuit, headed to Bondi, zipped myself up and headed into the surf. I must have looked a bit like a hairy squash ball.

I paddled out for about 20 minutes. I didn't look back but I knew I must have got pretty far - I was just looking for the perfect wave.

That wave came a second later - a monster that knocked me off my board and into the cold, merciless ocean. I panicked and swallowed a huge mouthful of seawater. My days were up!

Luckily I remembered what to do in this situation - I clung onto my board and raised my arm in the air, praying that one of the lifeguards might spot me.

Moments later, thank God, the rescue boat came chugging towards me. It didn't seem to be in a massive rush, I noticed.

"You alright there mate?"
"Yes! Thank God. I think I'm OK, can you please help me?"
"Sure thing mate. Just put your feet down".
"What?!"
"Stop kicking and put your feet down".

I did as I was told. And stood up - the water came to just below my waist. I then turned around and realised I had, in fact, paddled about 5 metres from the beach. To add insult to injury a little kid in a rubber ring then paddled past me and waved.

I might have been mistaken but I'm pretty sure as they sped off one of the lifeguards muttered "bloody pommy idiot".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:30, 3 replies)

Hahaha
That's incredibly fucking funny, cheers!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 16:42, closed)

you're certainly not the only one
How do you pick out a British tourist in Aus?
They're the bright red drowning one.
(xanthine, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 6:19, closed)

Arf.
Have a clicky :-)
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 11:11, closed)