Gaylord Fokker
Back in the day when I was a young, free, single, pisshead I pulled this girl in my local and ended up going back to hers. Much alcohol had been imbibed so we got down to it right there on her front room floor. Clothes scattered everywhere, sweaty, drunken monkey-sex. Fantastic. Rather than face a cold walk home ('Twas January) I gratefully accept her offer to stay the night and off to bed we go.
We wake the next afternoon somewhat fuzzy headed and bollock naked in her bed. She starts pestering me to go downstairs to feed the cats, get the milk in and make a cup of tea (this was a sign of things to come, read on...). I protest saying that it's freezing cold, I'm stark naked and my clothes are all downstairs on her front room floor. Eventually, with the promise of more hanky panky on my return, she persuades me to trek downstairs. To cover my nakedness I grab the only item of clothing I can see - a black dress. She started smirking when I put it on but I didn't care. The sight of a six-foot guy with a shaved head in a little black dress may be funny but I was getting some when I got back.
Anyway, I find the kitchen and feed the cats and walk off to the front door to get the milk, stopping only to put my boots on on the way (it was January and my feet were freezing). I open the door and bend down for the milk when I hear something behind me. I turn around just in time to see my new lover running towards me with a grin on her face and have just enough time to register that she has cum in her hair from last night before she shoves me full force onto the icy pavement and shuts the door. It's freezing cold, I'm wearing a dress and my boots and hammering on the door to be let in and I can hear her giggling behind the door like it's the funniest joke ever. This went on for about 5 minutes before a car pulled up and I suddenly remember her saying last night that she had to be up in time to cook dinner because her parents were coming round. I stop hammering and tell her her folks are here but she thinks it's a ruse. Until she hears her dad, suddenly confronted by a cross-dressing skinhead kicking his daughter's door down, bellow "what the hell are you doing?". The door flies open and I get introduced to what would become my girlfriend's mum and dad while I'm wearing a dress and combat boots. I thought it couldn't get any worse till her mum breezed passed me and said "Rhian, is that semen in your hair?"

Amazingly we lasted a year but her parents did call me Gaylord for the entire duration in reference to Ben Stiller's character in 'Meet The Parents'. Then this happened....
www.b3ta.com/questions/revenge/post9623
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 13:14, Reply)