why arnt i popular?
why arnt i as popular as i used to be?

im not getting the same respect from everyone as i did at school

people should be fussing over me

people should be looking upto me as im obviously the best in this class
(dawn actually had to retake the class as she was the worst - obviously deluded)

i should be the leader, i used to be

why arnt people jelous of me

i could go on... it was pages of this stuff!

we showed the few people left in our class who hadnt gone home yet and had a good laugh.

we kept the folder a secret and left it on her desk as she had left it.

the girl was strange!
(chixor, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 14:05, Reply)

My boss is secretly selling the company
... just read an email from her to the seller saying under no circumstances will she stay on for the agreed 5years - max. 2years. For a moment I felt immense joy as I imagined my life without the old hag then I read on where the previous email from the seller says if she doesn't stay on for the agreed time, the deal will be off... and I nearly got caught reading it. Crap. Ah well, there's always the possibility she won't make it through her imminent hip replacement op.

I'm a very bad person.
(Stavrosthelover, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 13:42, Reply)

Not a diary as such
but involves a woman and masturbating so will get votes.

My mother has an irritating habit of cleaning up my stuff whenever she visits. (I LIKE THE FUCKING MESS. IF IT BOTHERED ME I WOULD CLEAN IT UP.) After she left from her last visit I found my bed made, my fluffy pink elephant I've had ever since I was one propped up on the pillows, and my big black shiny vibrator clutched in its little pink arms.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 11:36, Reply)

Dear Diary
week 29th Jan - Feb 4th

" Have finally plucked up the courage and made an appointment to see the doctor about the bright orange colour my cock has inexplicably turned over these past weeks... "


Previous entry, week 22nd Jan - 28th Jan

"Have developed a nasty habit of watching Porn whilst binge eating on cheesy wotsits"

.
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 10:32, Reply)

email monitoring
My company runs auto checks on all outgoing and incoming email, scanning for expletives and key words like 'sex' and 'porn' etc. Recently I was called into the manager's office and presented with the following email I'd sent:

"Hi,

I popped out to that Palestinian supermarket, 'INTIFADA' is it called? Anyway, I BOMBed down there on my bike and almost hit a guy near the ALLAH takeaway. I was so mad I could have had a JIHAD, I'm telling you. It's just SUICIDE BOMBING along on my bike like that. There was a KID NAPping outside the shop and I propped my bike beside him.

"You know that the guy who works at the INTIFADA looks just like BIN LADEN? I joked with him about it and he gave me a free jazz mag. "It's EXPLOSIVE stuff," he said. He was right: there were some top shots on pages 9/11 and 23. I wouldn't be surprised if the WORLD TRADE in pron CENTERed on that shop."

-------------------------

I am writing this from Paddington Green police station and a man with an American accent is fitting me for an orange suit.
(frankspencer, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 9:55, Reply)

Comming Out
Whilst at Uni my mate JimBob decided to tell us he was gay - this fella was camper than Dale Winton at a camping exhibition driving a camper van, so it was something of a moot point.

JimBob thought it best to leave us a little note explaining his love of the cock and to tell us he'd be down the student union if we still wanted to be friends (he was a bit Emo before Emo had even been invented aka a bit of a self loathing twat).

Found the note when I was drunk. Wrote a response. Went to the SU, got a couple of pints in, went and found JimBob, gave him a pint and also the note. He opened it and read:

Suppose you want me to buy you a bunch of flowers?

He laughted.

I was being serious.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 9:50, Reply)

Email and texts
I got a teeny bit tipsy last night (not quite shit faced, but not a million miles off).

So I've read my sent texts and emails from last night. **shakes head**

Edit - Apparently I posted here too - Where the hell else did I post - and what too???

Size - Bigger than a big thing on a big day :o)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 8:42, Reply)

My mom's diary
My mom kept a diary when she went on a one-year trip around Europe sometime in the '70s. Some of the highlights:

-she went to East Germany where she said the people were the friendliest she'd ever met
-she was surprised by a tank coming out of hiding in a bunker (I think in Israel)
-she got high in Morocco
-she saw a cat that looked like Hitler in Israel (decades before the Hitler cat website was invented)
-she wrote something like "I think I'm going to forget about Al, my boyfriend back home." Al being my dad she later married. I don't know what he was thinking dating a girl while she was gone in Europe for a year.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 7:34, Reply)

Journal
My mate found a work colleagues diary some time ago. Having no principles he read it out loud to a number of us in the room at the time. Many of the entries would start as if the writer was addressing another person eg 'how I've missed you.......' etc

He thought it would be a good idea to write in it 'bet you never thought I'd write back?'
(ElGatodeBarco, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 7:28, Reply)

shindler's list

( d d, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 6:09, Reply)

unfortunately my life lacks wild sexcapades...
but while snooping through a file cabinet at my old house I found out that my mum and dad had both been married to other people before, a fact I was unaware of. At the same time though I found a box of my granddad's old things which included a set of genuine maps and plans of the D-Day landings from his time driving a landing craft in WW2... which I was much more interested in than my parent's secret past lives.

I did used to read job applicant's CVs at work which I wasn't supposed to... nothing much interesting there except the time a black girl dropped her CV and under languages put "fluent Jamaican", which to me seems like the equivalent of putting "fluent Brummy" on my CV
(bitchman contains mild peril, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 2:03, Reply)

Uni housemates diary
Found it in his room but it was instantly grabbed from me and I was reprimanded by the housemate in question as the diary contained 'private' material.

A quick explanation to fellow housemates and a diversionary tactic later and I once again had the diary in hand and prepared myself for some saucy photos of old girlfriends.

Instead I found photos of his cock dipped in what appeared to be Ski Lite Apricot yougart...

I am still haunted.
(valdonia, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 0:16, Reply)

Emails
I've read my own emails - Oh, I'm a bad man.

I'm also drunk and I'll edit htis in the morning.

Size - it's feckin' huuuuuge ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 0:02, Reply)

Caught out by my own 1337|\|355.
After a messy breakup (that has only just ended- I think we'd been breaking up for longer than we'd been together) I was informed by a friend that my ex was seeing somebody.

Being a little heartbroken and temporarily insane, and also knowing most of her passwords, I decided to read her Livejournal...

I read it a few times, the dirty bint had been seeing my former flatmate- who, incidently, had been the catalyst for the trauma in the first place- and I decided that I was going to stop talking to her.

So I told her this one night when she called me up. She seemed quite upset that she was 'losing me as a friend'. I made up some balls about how I'd never get over her if we kept talking regularly, she consented, I put down the phone feeling a little better that she was out of my life.

She got suspicious. I didn't realise that Livejournal logs every login in intimate detail.

She messaged me with the exact content of a browser header (the information your browser sends out every time you visit a page) which cited a login from a PowerPC computer running Firefox from Linux.

"Urm... it's a fair cop."
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 23:51, Reply)

Apparently that Anne Frank felt up her own boobs.
Filthy fucking whore.
( Malchick, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 19:02, Reply)

Obligatory 'read my own'
Read my own diary...

Utter filth.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 18:52, Reply)

Length? She loved every inch.
The boyfriend of the sister of my ex is something of a pathological liar. I'll call him Steve, for that was the name of the stumpy pig-faced git. It was always clear that Steve's up to something. So I used to read his emails (he'd told me his password some months before, stupid twunt) to see what he'd been up to. Well, plenty of the 'usual' stuff -- emails to other girls, which basically described entire other relationships going on. Not just one, though; this guy was a frickin player, with a few on the go.

However, that's not what surprised me.

He was also subscribed to a website which might vaguely be described as a dating website, which I now understand means 'email-a-random-stranger-and-meet-up-for-a-shag'. He had a folder full of emails and responses from the dating website, catalogueing meeting upon meeting upon meeting, tons of betrayals to his current 'real' girlfriend.

This still isn't what surprised me.

What surprised me was his choice in women... MASSIVELY overweight 40-50yr olds. He particularly liked rolls of flab. Two things struck me as scary in the 'saucy' emails he was getting:

- he liked to 'shag' the layers of flab, much like a titwank, but wobblier allegedly.
- he liked to be shit on during sex.

O_O


...


*fwap*
(mmmkay, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 18:34, Reply)

Quite funny I guess
but I started getting weird referrers coming into my web log at one point last year. I thought I'd check out the web site to see why they were linking to my site.

I had been put into a wiki of cunts, then ended up on a cunts corner website. Nice!

I kicked up a load of shit and made it worse, but it was all fun, now if I enter my name into google, the first hit that appears, includes the line "... is a cunt"!

Oh well.
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 17:27, Reply)

"OMG,
I (heart) U2 4eva! Bono is soooooooo cool, he is like the greatest musician everrr! I LERV him 2 bitz! ALL I WANT IS U, BONO!"

Next week, Part 2 of the Bono Diaries.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 16:58, Reply)

you
can't leave it there! what did you see?? not my predilection for animal abuse, i hope (i was only kidding)...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 16:44, Reply)

Over the years,
I've often read things on b3ta that made me think, hello, I know you, don't I...

But I've just read something on here that I should NEVER have seen in a million years. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Wrong.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 16:29, Reply)

"Dear Diary,
Gosh, today was a super day! Lovely weather, far too good to be stuck indoors as Mum said! Went and took Scraps for a walk, then went over to Amy Lee's house and we had a picnic on the common. Didn't spoil my tea though!"


You're not getting them back either. The world needs to know the truth about you, Thom Yorke.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 15:08, Reply)

"Dear Diary,
I'm so lonely. Why won't girls look at me. No one understands, or wants to look at my poetry. I blame Freemasons and Jews."

I don't know - it sounds pretty genuine to me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 13:56, Reply)