Recently divorced: My war against the House Rules
Her House Rules drove me up the wall. On the other hand, I'd be the first to admit that I drove her up the wall across the ceiling and down the other side, but I'm the one on B3TA, so...

- There are no rules, except for the ones I make up, arbitrarily and on the spot
- No pissing in the shower
- All beetroot must be crinkle cut
- Obey all the rules

I actually wrote most of the House Rules down (essentially for taking the piss purposes), and I swear on my dog's life that these are all true:

- Don't fart while you're asleep
- Don't wipe your feet on the doormats, I've just cleaned them
- Don't wake up, walk to the bathroom, fart, and come back to bed, because you might bring the smell back with you
- Don’t mix your smelly laundry with mine – you’ll make it dirty.
- The Spoon Laws

And, most importantly of all:

- Don't play that game where you try to beat the slow closing toilet seat when you have a wee.

She had a point with that one, to be honest.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:52, 3 replies)

the thing is, i do nothing but fart when sleeping.
it's like i'm exhaling through my arse.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:58, closed)

Spoon laws...
Were you tempted to sharpen one...?!
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:05, closed)

No pissing in the shower?
But it saves water on flushing and saves time too. We used to refer to it as "killing two birds with one stone" in our University house.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 14:11, closed)

My housemate once tried to show me up in front of the pub.
By loudly declaring that I thought it was acceptable to piss in the shower.

I don't think he was impressed with the apathetic 'and?' he got from the other patrons.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 14:15, closed)