Curve op onto oon foo blocker
Welab went to food giblet scranny
(Speculum, Wed 21 Dec 2005, 1:05, Reply)

Wrong time for taxidermi
Warped out on several blotters my,(still), very good friend Tim decided to show me his housemates funny rabbit shaped jelly mold.
I lifted the mold up to find a dead baby rabbit underneath it, perfectly done piece of taxidermi, all soft and cuddly, something his housemate had done a few years back.

Freaked the living fuck out of me and it took some serious coaxing by Tim to get me to let go of the ceiling.
( Yamon Benny Harvey. RIP., Wed 21 Dec 2005, 0:31, Reply)

ah dear

...
the grown-up, middle class approach obviously didn't work, even with spacey blueberry muffins and real dairy ice cream, as i'm sure i Crunched something in the muffin, so perhaps there wasn't an Ideal distribution of, well, you knooooooow oh my head ... wavey ... fascinating ... think i'll jussst sitttt down, slump down, on that setteeeee, and maybe ... hmmm ... later ... i might wa.. er, stum ... er crawl, yes that would be an Achievement, crawl to the toilet, but as long as i pee Once i can stay here. all night. on the settee. with the lovely sound of roni size going tss tss dum dum with astonishing Clarity in one ear and ... oh, sad, oh, oops, my mate vomiting loudly in our host's toilet in the other ... amazing what this does to your aural senses ... and close my eyes and ... oooh cartoons! there Must have been lots in that muffin ... and my fingers are allllll stretchy but it's alright because it's only a muddled perception and my essential self is is juuuuust fine - and hee hee - that sounds like something you'd say when you were - oh, more terrible sounds of retching And drum'n'bass, hmm, interesting, stretchy stretchy, unknit fingers, oh yes, something you'd say when you were Stoned ... oh now that's Funny [goes on in this vein for some time; say no to drugs kids]
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 23:00, Reply)

Ah the memories
Once, whilst poshibly shomewhat pished, me and a friend created the secret society DAD - Drunkards Against Depression. You see, we intended to spread love and happiness to the (numerous and widespread) depressives at the party we were currently gracing with our esteemed prescence. Unfortunately this selfless plot cumulated with us both lying in a hedge, surrounded by empty bottles, shouting at passers by to fetch us more drink. Which they did.

Yay!

Another time, different company, different drug. I had ingested a not inconsiderable quantity of some interesting mushrooms and had been enjoying the trippy and colourful effects, when some considerate person hands me a glass of water. Cue me becoming rather inappropriately emotionally attached to it, and proclaiming its wondrousness to all at great length and girth. Becoming annoyed at my inane rambings, and possibly jealous of the water, everyone hatched a plot to drink my new friend. Which they did.

Bastards!
(SpaceBanana, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 22:15, Reply)

No solid crew
A few years ago me and my mate Grant headed to Ibiza. I was intent on a drugs marathon but Grant didn't partake so he had to put up with my drug-induced antics for a whole week. I kept hassling him to take something, but he wasn't having it. I got it in my mind that he should eat some gear; it would be 'good for him' so I thought. After repeatedly chanting ‘go on, eat some gear’ at him all day, he finally relented. I proceeded to burn a whole 8th of strong Moroccan gear, split it in two and offered him half with the assurance that ‘I would give my Nan that’. Grant reluctantly washed down the gear with Coke thus busting his drug cherry.
We went out for dinner and everything was going fine until we decided to head to a bar. Grant got this really dark look in his eyes and proceeded to shake his head, I was a bit worried and could feel the effects of the gear myself. Turns out it was some festival night and was the streets were full of people who all where, according to Grant, trying to stab and rob him. I knew this was going wrong so I decided to pull my hyperventilating/paranoid mate back to the hotel room.
Once back at the room he made me close the windows as he thought he was going to fall out of the room and was breathing really heavily whilst muttering darkness. Poor fella thought that this was the end. I was losing it myself big-time but managed to hold it together until he passed out. I was knackered by this time and fell into a trippy sleep only to be woken up by a punch in the back; I turned around and faced my mate with full-on evil eyes hyperventilating once again. I will never forget the physcotic look he gave me, pure evil. Luckily he quickly fell back to sleep.
And the good thing was……………… he was so relieved the next morning that it was over he wasn’t pissed off with me.
He stuck to lager after that though
(franks, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 21:38, Reply)

Pisstale
It’s 3 am, I’m alone and driving back to a friend’s house. Am extremely stoned and squirming in my seat from the need to PEE LIKE A FIEND. I pull off the main drag and park on a residential, about 10 minutes away from the house, and proceed to furtively let loose on the grass (or so I thought). The whole time I was looking around, paranoid as hell, convinced someone was watching me from their house. Cue me finishing up, looking down, and realizing that I’d emptied my entire bladder onto my pants.

Not knowing what to do, I got back into my car, and started to drive back, inventing excuses to tell regarding my smelly and wet state. Nearly there, I spy a godsend - a park with its sprinklers on!

If anyone had been there, it would have been a strange sight – a ragged kid spraying and scrubbing at his crotch in the spray from the sprinklers. Arrived back and explained to disinterested friends the strange desire to run through the sprinklers! And nobody was the wiser. Until now…

Many, many more, but another time. First post woo!
(burroughsisrad, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 21:12, Reply)

once
on pills, i became convinced that i'd left my lips in the pub... what i regret is spending an extra tenner on a taxi back...

apologies for terrible grammar etc., i'm a little the worse for wear
(Balue Free From Tetanus, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 20:43, Reply)

What are friends for?
Imagine getting a text, while on acid/shrooms, that says

"What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about?"

Bastards
(FiftyFour, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 20:39, Reply)

captain nemos kinky underwater adventure
Nothing particularly exciting, got a bit bored at a mates house party, was a little quiet, so thought id head up stairs and take a bath, fully clothed, ach it increased the spirits of the folks at the party, job done.
(i_walk_bing_crosbys_dog, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 19:43, Reply)

No regrets but one entertaining incident.
I was at school and we had two full days devoted to A level Biology coursework. The first morning went fine. Everything planned meticulously, we know exactly what we're doing. Something to do with how many worms live in different areas and how deep they are. We were supposed to select an area, mark it out, pour a mild irritant onto the ground to make the worms emerge, wash the worms when they did come out, weigh them, count them and then release them into an area without the irritant. No problem. Easy.
Right?
Lunchbreak came. The task seemed so simple that a lunchtime spliff o' doom seemed like a good idea.
Wrong.
The afternoon was spent spilling irritant everywhere then digging up the school field to make sure we got more worms than everyone else. Then forgetting about them after we'd tried to wash them. Everyone else in the class returned with a neat page of results. We returned covered in mud with a jar full of water and dead worms. I got a B. So, if there was any doubt, A levels are definitely getting easier.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 19:06, Reply)

too many to remember them all...
but in my time i have...
1)talked to a lampost and a toilet seat cover for several hours
2)been convinced my head was a potato
3)seen two of my friends dad(one with a beard, one without)
4)thought a werewolf had broken into my house and sat clutching a knife all night
5)stolen a carpet
6)rearranged lots of peices of floom during the local leisure centres refurb in to a kind of plastic stonehendge in a field
7)eaten coffee straight from the jar
8)watched bottom and cried because i felt sorry for the characters
9)watched many a beautiful sunrise
10)dicovered captain beefheart
11)listened to perfect day and thought the doo doo doo girls were behind my sofa
12)nearly got run over by a train
13)shit myself walking home
and many many more.....
love to hate them, hate i love them. hmmm drugs
(come2whereimfrom .co.uk, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 18:05, Reply)

Happy New Year
last new year we went to a house party, there were lots and lots of drugs going around including Mushrooms.

By about 01:00 we was all totally off our head and my friend "Sarah" called her parents to wish them happy new year, she was off her face but stood in the corner and started chatting away.

I was at the kitchen table and pulled out my bag of weed so I could skin up, I had bought off someone at the party, sarah shouts over "thats a nice bit of weed, you should see what I can get for £20" I look round and see Sarah staring in horror at the phone, she had only shouted that out whilst on the phone to her parents, she quickly put the phone down which I dont think helped the situation at all!
(Fran, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 17:26, Reply)

The College Years
Me, one tab of LSD, and 4 hours of freaking out in the corner.

Why? Because I was being attacked by wave after wave of flying, pink, vomiting, ferrets.

The trip lasted some 11 hours, but luckly the ferrets gave up after 4 or so and I was able to move without screaming "AAH GET IT GET IT WITH A FUCKING BAT". My mates, being the reliable and helpful chaps they are decided that rather than calm me they'd see who could do headstands the longest. One of them had managed to break his nose, collar bone and two toes. His reward? He pissed himself laughing and spent the rest of the day sleeping on a pastic garden table - his t-shirt covered in snot-blood and his jeans in yellow-love.

8 hours in we recorded a song, with our bass player exclaiming "I really know where Jim Morrison was comming from". To which we all emphatically agreed, apart from the drummer who was too busy chewing the sticks and giggling. When were were playing we honestly believed were were the shit. My regret? Recording it.Sadly the tape didn't lie; it was just shit. Worse still, we kept it as a reminder no to do that again (at least not near our instruments) - last year it was found by a girlfriend who thought me spacking out on an out of tune guitar and yelling "pepperoni; put in on me!" was the funniest thing ever. Better yet when I broke up with her she played the tape to her friends - instantly ruining my chances with any of them unless they had a pepperoni fetish. Cheers darlin'.

Come to think about it, the flying pink vomiting ferrets sounded much better.
(whiskeyclone, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 17:24, Reply)

On the ceiling
After some "jazz tobacco", a friend of mine was lying on the floor (I unfolded the sofa-bed on top of him for good measure). Feeling mean, I told him instead of lying on the floor looking up at the ceilng to imagine that he was actually lying on the ceiling and looking down at the floor. He didn't like that one bit.
( evil_chutney, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 17:19, Reply)

Jordan
I myself haven't been stoned many times, and when I have I just lay there twitching and giggling to myself about it, or laughing uncontrollably at my good friend, who gets high at any opportunity. Here are a few tales of this friend...

Once she thought an old mans head looked like a hand, of course it was actually a hand, not a head. She was in hysterics for hours about it.

She decided that my boyfriend should get a belt for his hat.

She said 'It's Grayham over Russia!!' When she stumbled across a chessboard, then began commenting on how much women are like windmills.

Most recently she made Jordan out of a pair of sunglasses, spot cream, and a bottle cap and thought a tissue was an ornamental sheep. She also went completely mental and whitied and doesn't have any memory after this of talking to her brothers wife about how her boots are made of vegetables.

I guess you had to be there really *:) ...Not bad for a first post methinks.
(LegOfLamb, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 16:53, Reply)

Sniffin' Glue
The kid down the road from me used to sniff glue. I'd pop round his house to have a go on his VIC-20, and find him up in his room singing songs with the pixies* with yet another empty tin of Bostik stuck to the ceiling. I had no truck with that kind of substance abuse, and had no desire to be found by grieving parents with my genitals cemented to the bay windows.

Instead, going up the woods and smoking PG Tips was good enough for me. Legend said that if you smoke enough of them, the chimps come for you and haunt your dreams for months. We got through a Scout Hut Jumble Sale-sized box of them in a weekend, and I got nothing except bad breath and a craving for Rich Tea biscuits.

The drugs: don't work.

*No you damn fools, not those Pixies.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 16:43, Reply)

king kong
hehe Oranguturn....me and my freind just had exactly that conversation... class!

Drug stories....?

all too depressing . sorry
(uptonogood, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 16:21, Reply)

a joke we came up with whilst stoned
q) What do you call a stoned monk?
a) A Mongk

It was funny at the time - i guess you had to be there (or be stoned)
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 15:47, Reply)

This weekend...
... we watched King Kong, then had a smoke and a rambling chat that included the following:

"It doesn't have to be a totally futile romance, I reckon he could get the tip of his little finger inside if he was very careful."

I knew in my head that this was what everyone was thinking already, but it took the weed to help me speak out.
(oranguturn, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 15:38, Reply)

Any more comments like that.....
Gone out to a free party in an abandoned warehouse, four sound systems one on each floor. Eventually after dancing like a loon for hours. Me and a mate decided we needed some air. So we are sat outside in the street completely munted and the local plod turns up. Two get out the car and at this point I can't resist saying loudly "Is it me or can anyone else smell bacon?" At this one of them stomps up to me and says "Anymore comments like that and you'll be spending the rest of the night in the cells!" He turns and walks away, gets 10 yards from me and I say "I see the sense of humour bypass worked then!" He stops dead, looks at his mate who is doubled up with laughter over the bonnet of the car, stalks off back to the car, gets in shouts at his mate and they both leave with mate still howling with laughter!! No apologies for length and girth coz the ladies love it!!
(Gfk is a drug crazed Loon, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 15:35, Reply)

Twiglet Epiphany
One of the seldom times I've done acid I came across a bag of twiglets. Within 15 seconds I'd realised exactly how the recipe was discovered. It was blindingly clear...

During the liberation of the German POW camps at the end of the Second World War in the excitement to board the fleets of coaches waiting to take them home there were still some of our brave chaps left down in the tunnels digging for freedom. Years later the heroic tunnellers bodies were discovered. Upon closer examination forensic scientists discovered a multitude of tooth-picks collated in the bodies ears. These were obviously used to dig through the earth, being small and easily transported and in plentiful supply (even the SS could not deny British Officers their gin with olive cocktails upon an evening...) hence they made the 'perfect' implement to aid such a dig. After a lunchtime pint one said scientist felt rather peckish and took a, by now heavily congealed in earwax, toothpick and discovered it's marvellously sour but strangely spicy qualities. Hey fucking presto Twiglets.

I still get flashbacks when I have one now.
(mitch6169, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 15:24, Reply)

Oh the shame
While awaiting the use of a toilet cubicle for the purpose of consuming a huge line of chang before the arrival onstage of the mighty Tool, I found myself one from the front as they began their aural onslaught and bundled inside said cubicle behind a sweet looking young man who looked about thirteen and terrified at the sweaty monster who appeared behind him. As he stuttered out 'please sir i'm not like that' or something, I frantically offered to cut him a line too if I could please just use his cubicle for my illicit purposes and get down to the gig. So, evil deed done, I disappeared into the mosh pit...

So far, so fine. However, on arriving home many hours later, I went to have another, and pulled an unfamiliar card from my wallet.

It was at that moment that I realised I'd unleashed a coked-up teen on the world, who had just realised he'd handed his cashcard over to some drug-crazed nutter he'd never seen before in his life.

The poor bastard probably spent the night trying to cancel his card while I happily enjoyed one of the best gigs of my life.

Never have I been so ashamed.

First post, whoooooo hoooooo!
(SmoothOtter, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 14:44, Reply)

too many stories
but icantbe arsed to type em :D just wanted to second the vote for 5-htp, the stuff is fantastic. dont get it from holland ad barret tho theirs is comparativly low dose. you can find it much stronger and a fair bit cheaper if you shop around online.
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 14:31, Reply)

5-HTP
Since there is a lot of free drug “advice” going around on this QOTW I might as well add my mine.

Someone mentioned buying magnesium from Holland and Barrett. Scratch that, get this stuff called 5-HTP, basically is contains a chemical that the body can metabolise into serotonin, also contained is a little Magnesium and a little Vitamin B6 (you can do a google to find out why these are relevant).

This stuff is very useful for a two reasons:

1. Comedown: Take a few of these before you go to bed and for the next few days after a mash-up, the effect in my experience is no more mid-week blues\depression.

2. Pre-Loading: This is the fun. Take 5HTP all day long before you plan so go out. Take about 500mg if you can stomach it and you will find yourself getting fucked like it was your first time again!

Enjoy!
(Minty Hit, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 14:20, Reply)

insane - aint got no brain
tipex thinner was bad enough, but me and K used to buzz cans of anti-perspirant out of a plastic bag til we had white moustaches from the shit. is this illegal?

Man, were we dumb.
(cmary, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 14:19, Reply)

I made the local news headlines......
First year of university in 1990 and I'm living in a flat with five other like minded junkies. Topping up the grant (yes I was one of the lucky ones) by selling anything I could get my hands on and taking far more interest in mind expanding drugs than mind expanding study.

One summer evening after an all day mushroom and lager session in the local park, we all come home in time to watch Gladiators on the TV (Ulrika Johnson Hmmmmmmmmmmm) Much boozing and smoking later and we were all out on the balcony reinacting the pugal stick fighting contest.

My flat mate and I decided it would be a great idea to jump up on the balcony rail for a fight with a couple of super mops. great until someone wins the fight!

I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of pretty much every hole. I'd fallen 68ft to the concrete below and managed to break my wrist, ankle, color bone, three ribs, nose, fracture my skull, puncture my lung and burn my hand (apparently the paramedics had to prize a burning joint from my hand at the scene).

I was subsequently featured in all the local newspapers and tv news as miracle student! My mates told the paramedics that I had slipped on the smooth floor while leaning over the balcony to wave to some friends. (heroic improvisation under the circumstances)

Media pressure grew and I was press ganged by the student union and local newspaper (The Post) into seeking compensation from the university due to their unsafe balcony design.

the university eventually settled out of court for a megre £2000 even though I didn't write them a single letter of complaint or even threaten legal action. I felt a little guilty banking that cheque but all in all a good result in the end!

my parents still have know idea this ever happened. they still refer to that time I didn't call them for 5 weeks in my first year.
(monkeyboy13, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 13:53, Reply)

Booze can be bad enough...
Snorting tequila.
Just don't do it, I did it once, well about 5 times, got obsessed with Sister Sledge "We are family" at a party played it over and over again until my mates basically wrestled it off me and hid it.
Then I puked, then I snogged a fat girl.
Quite a good night really.

Also, recently got a bit pissed on wine & Stella Artois on eurostar on the way to Lille.
Managed to knock over Stella all over my groin area. Took me a few seconds to realise, by then it had seeped in nicely.
Later that night gf was going down, and I enquired curiously "Does it taste of Stella?"
She replied quick as a flash "Who the f*ck is Stella?"
Witty girl and a good bj'r. :)

No apologies for length or taste.
(semp, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 13:42, Reply)

Ahh... The memories
I was part of the crew of a local music festival in 2002... And we were lucky enough to have a dealer on-site.
Now he didn't just have a bit... He had a LOT. You know one of those stonking great flour containers you keep in your kitchen cupboard? It was full of green.
Now we (me and a few mates on the crew) all bought a tenners worth, and decided we could have some real fun. This consisted of smoking joints, rolling double king-skin blunts, and making a bong out of a fanta bottle (they're just the right shape I'll have you know).
One of the fondest memories of the festival, was me and one of my mates (who happens to own a VW camper, and have it onsite), sitting in said VW, smoking as much green as we could. Fell asleep, woke up in the morning, smoked some more, then comes a knock on the door of the camper. It's one of my other mates saying "put that shit away, you've got a guy from Millenium Volunteers coming to get you to fill in some forms!"
Shit.
Now if you've ever tried to fill in forms and answering questions while stoned to buggery, youll appreciate how difficult it is to stop yourself giggling at the words dancing all over the sheet of paper in front of you.

Another highlight of the festival was the fact the headline band was the Ozric Tentacles, the trippiest music ever, listening to them, then going back to their tourbus after the gig to smoke a doobie with the band. They'd just come back from Amsterdam ;)

Length/width/girth? I'll have all three please.
(Black_Dwarf frawD_kcalB, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 13:41, Reply)

In Mexico, just outside the Mayan ruins of Palenque
The road from the campsites to the ruins is twisty, and there is deep jungle all along one side. As you walk along this road to the ruins, small Mayan men beckon to you from the jungle and offer to sell you fresh mexican mushrooms.
I was with my girlfriend and a friend, and on this particular day, i was brave enough to eat a 100 peso bag to myself. We explored the ruins as we began to come up on the mushrooms, but then i suggested we take a walk through the jungle around the ruins. We walked along a jungle trail for fifteen munites or so, marvelling at the beauty of nature. Suddenly, we heard a deafening roar coming from around the corner we had just come from. We all froze and tried to think what it could be. I remembered that this jungle was renowned for having jaguars in it. We stood there in shock for a couple more minutes, and more roars sounded even closer. If this was jaguars, it was a whole pack of them, not just one. I noticed a Mayan guy walking by on a nearby path, and asked him in pigeon Spanish what the noises were. He just laughed at me. It didn't help that his eyes appeared to me to be solid white.
We quickly made the decision that we didn't want to go deeper into the jungle, and would have to go back towards the noises, as at least we knew that path led back to civilisation. I got out my camera, planning to use the flash to scare off all of the hungry beasts which i was sure were about to jump us. As we rounded the corner, we saw...... nothing. There was a ravine beside the path, and the roaring was definitely coming from down there, but we couldn't see any beasts. Deciding it was best not to look to far, we hastily made our way back to the ruin site. When we got back to the camp site, one of the staff told us that howler monkeys are also very common around there, and that they sound exactly like large cats roaring.

My friend then persuaded me to have another half a 100 peso bag with him, and we lay on hammocks and had a beer and a couple of spliffs. An hour later it was my round, and i rather shakily went to the bar to buy beers. I asked the bar woman (who to me looked just like Pocahontas) for three beers, but as she turned back with the beers and i reached out for them, i noticed that her eyes had tesselating patterns in their centres. Deciding that this was nothing to worry about, i took the beers, but by then the patterns had spread throughout her whole face. I took a deep breath, but couldn't turn away. The patterns were now spreading down her neck ,and starting to shift and colour cycle. I could now see the patterns more clearly than her face. Mayan hieroglyphs introduced themselves to the medley of patterns, and soon the patterns were all i could see.
Next think i knew, i was being fed water by my concerned girlfriend, some distance away from the bar. Apparently i had stood with the beers in my hand, slack-jawed and staring at the woman for at least a couple of minutes before fainting completely and covering myself with beer.
Going back sheepishly into the bar, i realised that the woman wasn't very much like Pocahontas at all. She was short, fat and very pregnant, and looking at me like i was scum. I had forgotten to pay her.

Mexican mushies? Much recommended.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 20 Dec 2005, 13:41, Reply)

*Also*
A little bit off topic but quite cool none-the-less. This has worked for everyone i know. The next time you take a pill, stare at something black. After a few seconds, a red matrix should appear or lots of little red dots all lined up in square formations.

It never used to happen to me until someone told me about it - share the knowledge!
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Tue 20 Dec 2005, 13:38, Reply)