Does losing a lung count?
Most of the time my parents are fairly tame when drunk - maybe their jokes get slightly cruder, and double entendres tend to slip towards single entendres. About the worst that happens is my mum's wine allergy kicks in and she ends up being almost able to cook a fry-up on her face. However, there's a few times when it goes that little bit too far, and there's one particular incident that always springs to mind.

I must have been about 8 or 9 at the time, so I can't remember all that much. I remember my dad going out for a drink with a couple of workmates (including an uncle), and then he was in hospital for a few weeks with pneumonia. I can remember going to visit him every now and then, but whenever mum brought me and my sister along there was always a very slightly tense air between her and dad. "Fair enough" says I, "maybe she was just worried about him".

It wasn't until later that I found out exactly *how* he ended up in hospital - something my uncle was only too happy to inform us of. Y'see, it turns out that after closing time, my dad felt like enjoying the company of my mum. But, given that she was all the way back home, he'd decided to settle on the next best thing that looked vaguely similar - a postbox.

(For the record, yes my mum is about the same build and complexion, especially after the wine, but still - easy to see why she was so pissed at him)

Luckily he passed out before he was able to do anything more than hug it while bawling my mum's name, but not quite so luckily my uncle was too twatted to do anything more than leave him on the pavement for the night - hence the pneumonia, and eventually losing a lung.

My dad's no longer allowed out on the piss.
(Nykrus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 11:26, 94 replies)

this really happened.
i'm sure of it.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:06, closed)

With 90,000 users
I'm pretty sure this kind of thing must actually happen to some of us.
( CowJam, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:32, closed)

Speaking as someone who occasionally dabbles in medical science..
..unless the OP's dad had TB in the 1940's due to the only available treatment being of remove the afflicted lung, or, on his admission to hospital was found to have had SERIOUS lung cancer(which would have manifested symptoms so severe as to render going out on the piss impossible) I'm going to officially class this story as Medical Horseshit.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:37, closed)

you're not disuputing that his dad mistook a postbox for his mum and tried to make sweet love to it in the street then?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:38, closed)

There's not a man alive who's NOT tried to fuck a postbox a some stage.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:40, closed)

fair enough.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:44, closed)

To be fair Badger, I wasn't taking notes at the time. I do know he had a lung out around that time after constantly coming down with pneumonia - could have been a secondary infection. It's not exactly something that gets brought up, mostly as dad starts looking sheepish and mum somewhat bloody furious a decade or so on.
(Nykrus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:36, closed)

Lungs don't get removed for pneumonia, not even severe pneumonia.
So, I'm calling 'medical horseshit' here.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:42, closed)

I'd say it's possible that he lost at least part of a lung
health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/pneumonia/surgery.html

But thanks for your diagnosis of "horseshit" all the same. Your qualifications are...?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 13:42, closed)

Oh you awful bully.
Just because he's too tiny and effeminate to be a real doctor and had to become a nurse instead.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 13:58, closed)

Good job I'm not required to know owt about lung conditions working on ICU, I'd have totally been found out here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:02, closed)

The key phrase in that well respected medical organ, the New York Times, is 'in severe cases'.
'Severe cases' being defined as 'not having picked up a chest infection after a night on the piss'.
People who need lobectomies(removal of part of the lung) or pneumonectomie(removal of the whole of the lung)generally aren't able to be out on the piss, raping postboxes, given that they're pretty much housebound with severe long term lung complaints.

Which aren't brought on by fucking postboxes.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:00, closed)

Oh you awful bully.
Just because you're too tiny and effeminate to be a real doctor and had to become a nurse instead.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:11, closed)

I'm glad you have such an in-depth knowledge of the patient's history, tell me, what was his PORT score?
Because since records began, no-one has ever died of pneumonia after being left outside all night, let alone had any complications that might have required a lobectomy.

You are obviously wasted in your current profession. May I suggest you retrain as an all-seeing oracle?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:12, closed)

Easy now!
Let me fetch the paddling pool and tapioca.

OK.

Now you can fight properly.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:19, closed)

Sorry, and you are...?
Eh, it doesn't matter. Cancel the paddling pool and the tapioca, just get me a barrel, some fish and a gun.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:27, closed)

I'd take the blindfold off first, you'll do yourself a mischief.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:44, closed)

I'm Sam.
Nice to meet you.

What kind of barrel do you want?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:47, closed)

Preferably one filled with booze

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:49, closed)

It does rather sound like you need a drink.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:52, closed)

He'll be sorry when he fucks a postbox and his lungs fall out.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:56, closed)

Given that a PORT score is used to predict likely morbidity/mortality when clerking pre-admission rather than the need for invasive dangerous and inappropriate surgery, I'm not sure of the relevence of knowing it right here.
I'm utterly wasted at Kwik Fit.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:26, closed)

Nice ninja edit - I was halfway through replying to your previous comeback but well done for googling PORT scores all the same
I wish I'd taken a screenshot now.

Anyway, I only have one of the largest biomedicinal libraries in Europe at my disposal, which informs me that never, in the course of human history has a thoacotomy/lobectomy been used to treat a patient with pneumonia. On that note, I shall change my sig to something unequivocally mocking the OP and make myself feel like a big man into the bargain.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:48, closed)

Hang on a minute, you started arguing with Badger, then went and did some research and found out he was right,
and now you're trying to retcon the whole thing?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:53, closed)

Yes, you're absolutely correct in what you say
Now go and watch some more Stewart Lee videos and see if that re-acquaints you with the notion of sarcasm.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:55, closed)

I don't think you've come out the other side of this looking as good as you think you do.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:56, closed)

To be fair ... nobody comes off qotw without a few stains.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:07, closed)

True
More likely with last week's question though. Nothing a good soak and a 40 degree wash couldn't remove.
( SteamedCleaner, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 10:02, closed)

Don't be bitter, it's quite an impressive feat finding a article saying that surgery is used to treat pneumonia.
Given that, y'know, it's not.

But well played for googling something vaguely associated with the initial diagnosis and prognosis of disease but not really a guide for treatment.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:54, closed)

Not in all cases, granted
but to say that there's never been a case of pneumonia that has required surgery is, to borrow a phrase, "medical horseshit".
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:59, closed)

Really, it is.
There is pretty much no benefit to removing a lung surgically as you can return some, if not all the function of the lung on treatment.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:01, closed)

Have you finished editing your reply yet?
I swear it changes every time I press F5
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:14, closed)

Clarifying the point for the wilfully ignorant here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:17, closed)

Haha, "clarifying"
Oops, it's changed again
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:18, closed)

You're still wrong. I'm just telling you're wrong, more eloquently.
It's the internet equivalent of taking down shorthand and then writing it up longhand.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:27, closed)

So no-one in the history of medicine, ever, has had surgery for pneumonia?
And you're absolutely sure, 100%, that the OP's dad had no additional complications or conditions that might have required a thoracotomy/lobectomy?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:48, closed)

If he'd have gotten pneumonia in the pre-antibiotic 1940's it's possible.
Otherwise, unlikely.
Unless hey'd found a massive cancer.
In which case he'd have been too ill to go out on the piss.
Hence, horseshit.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:59, closed)

It's just that according to the literature available to me
Thoracotomy is used to treat "unresolved" pneumonia where the symptoms do not respond to treatment after a couple of weeks, or in cases where the pneumonia coincides with an abcess or empyema - either of which could have developed after the initial diagnosis of pneumonia and would require surgery to treat. Given that the OP already posted "I do know he had a lung out around that time after constantly coming down with pneumonia - could have been a secondary infection" it seems perfectly reasonable that his dad was admitted with pneumonia and had a lobectomy due to subsequent complications. The following timeline:
1) Goes out on piss, tries to fuck postbox
2) Comes down with pneumonia, admitted to hospital
3) Pneumonia doesn't react to treatment, empyema discovered
4) Thoracotomy/lobectomy to treat empyema
...it's not beyond the realms of possibility, is it?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 16:14, closed)

I could be wrong
but that is a different kettle of fish, than it being the pnuemonia given by a cold night out on the piss that actually caused it. It just seems unlikely the pnuemonia had anything to do with it, regardless of how many cases he had. Also an abscess is not exactly the 'secondary condition' in this scenario.

Out of interest your 'biomedical library' is definitely jstor isn't it?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 18:34, closed)

It's a completely plausible way this could have happened and far from "medically impossible"
...though I appreciate that since the Badger thought of a new section for his archive, he needs to fill it somehow.

An abcess or empyema, either pre-existing or developed after the initial hospitalisation for pneumonia would account for everything given here - the OP themself admitted that they didn't know all the details of the case - but LOL their lung fell out ROLF

No, it's not jstor.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 22:50, closed)

Hang on hang on hang on ... are you actually attempting a proper argument here?
I thought you were just pretending to argue to make a point?

If you're being genuinely pedantic then you need more than a barrel of booze.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:02, closed)

He'll only get pissed and write angry letters to the BBC when 'wonders Of The Universe' reveals that not only is the moon not made of cheese, it's never been made of cheese.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:05, closed)

TBH I'm just doing it for the sport
and watching Badger frantically re-edit his replies is entertainment enough
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:17, closed)

Ah, the 'no, I'm trolling YOU' card.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:29, closed)

Eh, it passes the time
/board's a bit quiet atm
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:51, closed)

Have you considered taking up Ultimate Frisbee instead?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:39, closed)

Hahahahahahaha

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 15:44, closed)

I genuinely don't understand why that poor bloke got all that stick for ULTIMATE FRISBEE.
I mean ... it's an outdoors activity so it instantly elevated him above 90% of the grey-faced flabby shut-ins on /talk.

Even if it isn't a real sport.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 16:02, closed)

he's a massive huffy prick and it wound him up no end.
hang on - whose side are you on, here?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 16:17, closed)

Oh he's definitely a prick.
It just seemed an odd target for a group that features so many people whose greatest exercise is unsticking themselves from the sofa when their butterkist runs out.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 16:29, closed)

actually, i should probably just save us all some time here.
oh! here come the /talk bullies! they only hate this story because it's too clever for them and anyway, they have no sense of humour and no lives and and and and!
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:46, closed)

You can only call us out on this if you've got a girlfriend who's a stripper.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:51, closed)

ALL my girlfriends are strippers.
or assassins. i've even got one who's an alcoholic assassin stripper but i don't like to talk about it as some awful things happened and it makes my tummy hurt if i think about them.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:00, closed)

:(

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:08, closed)

thanks, man.
i feel so much better just for sharing my pain on an anonymous comedy website. don't go changin'.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:30, closed)

Tarantaraaa!
Here comes the cavalry!

Right ... shall we talk about breakfast? I had some home-made jésuites because I am a ponce.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:14, closed)

Jew.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:15, closed)

It's exactly this sort of homophobia that is ruining /b/

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:31, closed)

wait, this is /b/?
i'm so sorry. we all appear to have got completely the wrong end of the stick, here. just wait a moment and i'll be back with some porn featuring worryingly young looking girls fellating arthropods.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:34, closed)

I'll give you the wrong end of the stick if you're not careful.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:36, closed)

Whoa ... I think I just got creepy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:37, closed)

you JUST got creepy?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:40, closed)

Heeeeey!
I ... I ...


humph
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:56, closed)

i had muesli and a dead baby.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:17, closed)

I once wanked muesli into my drunk parents.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:23, closed)

were you all in a sorting office?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:27, closed)

I'll sort your office if you're not careful.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:28, closed)

PHWOAR!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:29, closed)

no, you have a point with this one.
it's terrible. not funny, not well written and absolutely trying to pass off shite as humorous truth.

fill your boots!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 1 Mar 2011, 15:25, closed)

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

( WormuIus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:15, closed)

my nan died of fire pants, you insensitive cunt.
GOD, can't you just THINK before you post?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:18, closed)

Reply o' the week

( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:19, closed)

BAN WORMULUS

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:23, closed)

I got drunk and fell asleep in the sun once
and that's why I don't have any kidneys
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:19, closed)

I had devilled kidneys for lunch.
Coincidence?

bush dun 911
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:22, closed)

did you wake up in a bath full of ice
with 10 million turkish lira in the sink?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:22, closed)

No. I'd forgotten my suncream and they just evaporated.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 1 Mar 2011, 14:33, closed)

see AB's surefire cure below.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 14:38, closed)

You can cure that by necking a bottle of vodka...

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:22, closed)

Fuck a post box, your lung falls out.
Lick an envelope, lose an eye, minimum.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 13:23, closed)

Have got to say
That you can definately pull some humour from someone trying to shag a post box whilst drunk and howling out his wifes name....Some people may walk past a scene like that thinking it's disgusting but I would just laugh my arse off!! Really not a bad post at all imo. Just as well the lung falling out wasn't the comedy bit here but how do we prove the OP's dad really tried to hump a post box?!?!?!? I guess i'm missing the point here...
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 14:40, closed)

yes, someone shagging a postbox pretending it's his wife is funny.
nobody is ever really going to think it IS their partner, not a postbox. Nor do you lose vital organs as a result. Unless you catch your cock in the slot...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 1 Mar 2011, 15:27, closed)

I could
Only aspire to getting my cock trapped in one of those...
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 15:34, closed)

like you've never attempted to fuck a parking meter.
lies.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 15:56, closed)

Post boxes are sluts
And as for fucking parking meters, I've licked one out but that's only because I thought it was my GF....I wazh dirunk you see...
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 16:02, closed)

And then, next day, you shat out your own pancreas.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 16:22, closed)

yes they are dirty fuckers but in all
honesty Badger I would be a bit worried if I'd shat out someone else's ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 17:50, closed)

just the once.
lamp-posts are more my thing.

I wonder if there's a street furniture fetish site?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 2 Mar 2011, 8:00, closed)

rule 34, man. rule 34.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 9:45, closed)

Gotta be something somewhere
Couldn't find any though :(
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:49, closed)

Nice choice
Lamp-posts are the supermodels of the street funiture fetish scene.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:48, closed)

I once went on a stag do
and the next day all my internal organs dropped out of my arse.

Or not.
( WormuIus, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 14:12, closed)