Becky's Laughter
Becky’s laughter
Fills my ears
And my eyes
Brim with tears

She sounds happy
And carefree
She don’t care
About me

Though I’m not
An evil guy
How I long
To hear her cry

Seems like life’s
OK for Beck
But for me
I am a wreck

I don’t sleep
Or eat that well
I drink a lot
I’m goin’ to hell

And when I get there
I’ll be all right
Because there’s nothing Satan can do to me that she hasn’t already done and even the most excruciating pain all the engines of Hades can bring down on me will be as naught compared to what she did to me
That night

Though I’m not
An evil guy
How I long
To hear her cry

Becky’s laughter
Fills the air
How I wish
I didn’t care
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 21:28, 12 replies)

It's not me,
it's you.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 21:19, 2 replies)

Its not you its me, we want different things...my reaction,"you don't have anyone else, i don't have anyone else lets be friends and have sex..." Can't believe it worked but it did! Bought me sexy times for two months!
(sidecar_jon, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 20:35, 1 reply)

What did the cannibal do after he ate his girlfriend?
He dumped her.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 20:20, 1 reply)

Mostly in life so far I've been the dumpee...
... hopelessly sticking it out in relationships that clearly aren't working, usually (but not always) discovering by one means or another that they've been hiding someone else's sausage.

However, my most recent relationship was different. It was long distance, which I could handle, and she was absolutely lovely, which I could very much handle, but she seemed to spend about 40% of the limited time we had together questioning why I would ever want to be with her, telling me it wouldn't work, and assuring me that she had no intentions of ever coming to live near, much less with me and was in fact actively trying to get a job in another country. And for a while, that was fine, because she was funny and gorgeous and kind and incredibly sexy and actually fancied me (which was a major ego boost after an extremely unpleasant and soul-destroying previous couple of years).

But after a while it got to be wearing, and I figured this time I'm not going to stick it out way past the point where it's obviously over, this time I'm not going to sink deep into this thing so when it ends it's hell, THIS time I'm going to cut out early and end it. And she cried. And I left. And she phoned me a bit. And I came back. Then I left for good. And she phoned me a bit more. Nothing stalkery, just wanting it not to be over. But I couldn't speak to her, so all our final communications were just text, until after a few days she said she gave up. And months later I'm still left wondering whether I did the right thing.

One thing I did learn, though, is that while I know from repeated experience that getting dumped sucks, it came as quite a shock that doing the dumping is as painful as it is.

Sorry for lack of teh funneh.
(SonofRojBlake, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Heartless
I was reluctant, but a friend prevailed upon me: "She's a sweet gal. Doesn't get out much. Besides, she has a heart condition. They don't expect her to live long." I felt a twinge of pity.

She seemed nice. "Doctors use me as a demonstrator to their students," she explained. After we grabbed some medicine, we jumped into my car to head to the bar.

Trouble started right away. She was disappointed that I didn't burn rubber and squeal while accelerating out of the parking lot. I explained that my VW Bug was an automatic stick-shift model that couldn't do that even if we tried.

She was at death's door and she was going to go out in a burst of flame. At the bar, she started hitting on all the dudes. She was only too happy to dump me for some muscle-headed lout. Probably with a muscle car. Probably burned donuts into some back parking lot before squealing off into the night.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 20:06, 6 replies)

I dumped a girlfriend over the phone once.
I know, I know. I shouldn't have. It was many years ago, but theres no denying I did. It was awful... she cried, I cried, I said I was sorry but I didn't love her and it had to be right, you know? Eventually she said she understood and hung up.

The next day, at college, she came up to me, in front of other people. Very touchy-feely. I asked if she remembered my phonecall. "No," she said. She claimed the line was bad... I remembered all the crying and asking me to stay. So I had to do it again. I had to break up with her, only I knew that I couldn't take her to one side and do it gently this time because I knew what would happen. I needed witnesses. I needed to make sure other people heard this so that mad girl didn't try to pretend it never happened. So I did... in front of all our mates who watched her walk off in stony silence.

Bullet dodged, I think.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 19:15, Reply)

And, in a way, being Ignored is essentially the same as being dumped.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 18:42, 10 replies)

Last time I got dumped was about 18 years ago. At the time our daughter was around a year old, and I was 4 months pregnant with our son. He moved straight in with the village bike who lived across the road, whom he'd apparently been seeing for the last couple of weeks.

Took me about a week of moping around like a wet dishrag, trying to work out why he'd done what he'd done before I decided that the reason was because he was a twat. Picked myself up and got on with my life. Then discovered that life was a lot easier without him around.. been mostly single ever since.

Had a couple of short term boyfriends, but it doesn't last - Im a selfish, uncompromising cow now and will only have a relationship on my terms (terms which it seems men find hard to accept) - and I have to say I've been a lot happier single than I ever was in a relationship.

My ex, on the other hand, has jumped from relationship to relationship, marriage to divorce, and hes still a miserable bastard. Think I got the better deal out of that one.

Yeah, dull story, I know. Meh.
(Freakmandu, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 18:22, 10 replies)

Thinking about it I've never been daaaahumped. Win!
I've been the dumper on many an occasion.
One guy I kept going back out with and dumping again. It affected him so much he developed a drink problem and I got rid for good.

Another guy I did the face to face dump in a public park. He started crying when I left and was consoled by two geriatrics on the next bench across. felt a bit bad about that one.

Only ever done it by text once but we were only together a couple weeks. That's fine.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 16:54, 12 replies)

Warning- Story contains most romantic gift ever:
a crate of whine.
b3ta.com/links/916247
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 16:47, 7 replies)

It doesn’t matter how you dump someone. The thoughtless dump by text message gives the dumpee something to focus on, other than the fact that you don’t think they’re good enough to be in your life anymore. I dumped my first girlfriend by visiting her at work and slipping a tenner in her g-string with the words “I’m not sure this is working for me” written on it.

If I ever dump The Lovely Mrs Ring of Fire, I’ll feed the dog a length of plastic tape with the message written on it, so it’ll emerge from the animals arse like an old fashioned news ticker.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 3 Jan 2013, 16:28, 4 replies)

I was in hospital for 12 days recovering from a nasty leg operation/penis bleeding to death incident.
Everyday my girlfriend came to visit me for hours and was a real comfort. Everyday she told me how she couldn't wait until I came home. 12 days later I hobbled through the door on my crutches, with my top to toe plaster cast and catheter bag strapped to my leg (see Blood QOTW from 2008) and found out why she couldn't wait for me to get home.

She had moved out.
( Peej, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 16:25, 1 reply)

Masterclass Dumping

A long time ago I had a girlfriend who was, technically, still married - though separated.

They had got married on Valentine's day, ahhh, how romantic. Even more romantic, it just so happened that that day was not just his birthday, but hers too. Wow, a combined valentine / wedding anniversary / double birthday - this is getting into Jennifer Anniston RomCom territory! I'm not sure that even Hallmark make a card that soppy.

So. Guess which day she chose to dump him and move out?

.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 15:33, 44 replies)

I was cycling along the other day
And someone stepped off the pavement without looking. Nearly caused a nasty accident.

Dumb ped.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 15:27, 2 replies)

The slippery slope to Dumpsville
starts at roughly the point where you patiently explain to your girlfriend, with whom you have just bought a house (!), that on a recent holiday in Ecuador you had considered asking her to marry you but had decided that on balance you really didn't want to be wed to her so had shelved that foolish notion and filed it under 'unlikely to change anytime soon'. Seems obvious what was going to happen looking back at it now!

Took six awkward months to sell that place.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:53, 6 replies)

Whilst I'm about it....
b3ta.com/questions/your_dumped_stories/
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:46, 6 replies)

Way, way back when I was 15
I took a young lady to the cinema (it cost just a pound each back then) with the expectation of some snogging and a little fumbling in the back row. However the film showing that week was Army of Darkness which frankly blew my adolescent mind. Just an hour in I was riveted, staring at the screen with undisguised awe while she was sitting as far away from me as was possible in neighbouring seats with a look of utter disgust on her face. By the end of it, having been completely ignored for 90-odd minutes, she told me point blank that she never wanted to see me again.

I learned a valuable lesson that day - to only take girls to see movies that I had no interest in seeing. At £1 a time, I think I saw You've Got Mail five times with different ladies.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:41, 3 replies)

Might as well tell my dumping story now
way back in time (again) was going out with a great girl, crazy hot but a tad.... how could I put this, overly attached. Within a month of meeting her she had planned for me to meet her family at Christmas (it was May) in America (I'm Irish) so that shoulda raised a flag with me but hey the sex was great so what did I care.

So anywho after a month or so I mentioned I was heading away at the end of the summer for a gig in Europe and said oh yeah you should go too, 24 hours later flights and tickets were booked. Crap.

To make a long story short while in a field in a tent in Germany with the sound of Heavy Metal and sizzling food we broke up. It was horrible seeing we were sharing a tent.

But it got worse, much worse.

Coming back home our plane was delayed and there was no later flights back so there was myself and her and 6-8 other mates all sitting around Heathrow (or stanstead I can't really remember) everyone kinda awkward around the two of us and us incredibly awkward around each other.

14 hours later we get word that some of us can get home on the next flight. but with so many of us it was limited spaces with only a few seats rest of the people would have to follow on a later flight so straws were drawn, I was drawn 4th, her 7th or something.

Hence another 3 hours of sitting before next seats were available. I couldn't take it anymore and felt bad enough at this stage (hey come to Germany and I’ll break up with you) so I gave her my seat.

It was one of the few times I didn't mind kicking around an airport. T

And to add karma to the situation...

The girl I really fancied since school, found out she felt same about me (when I was taken) by the time I get back all single and free she had started going out with someone else.

Life eh?

Length? I dunno how far is Germany?
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:31, Reply)

I think she was just looking for an excuse
So way back in college I had my first proper Girlfriend and things were grand. The only thing that I annoyed her about was my hair. It was just above shoulder and curly but hey I was a student.

Then one day after getting off the bus feeling like crap I went to meet mates in the pub. Not having time to shit shower or shave I just pulled my hair into a ponytail and headed to the pub.

After a number of pints she walked in seen me and instantly froze. She headed to the girls room and came out and straight over to me.

"can we talk"

and that was that me putting my hair into a ponytail made a girl break up with me.

Oh well guess it was for the better in the end looking back now, A virgin she claimed yet a fist could fit in quite easily!
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:17, Reply)

Possibly the only time in my life that I have been 'ahead of the curve'
I got dumped via email. In 1996.

Actually, it's her that was ahead of her time. Bugger.
(minlan no longer barks at bancleys, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:12, Reply)

Safari Parks
Safari parks in the middle of summer are an ideal time that you decide air conditioning in the car is really not an optional extra. I'd never seen animals so up close before; it really was, if somewhat sweaty, quite an experience.

On the return home we decided to stop in for a pint and some chips. However, I wasn't hungry so decided to have a few pints instead (I wasn't driving) this develish treatment pushed her over the edge.

It was proper cold shoulder from then on. We finally got back to hers, and things blew up. Every tiny slight, comment, bad habit came out... there were tears, and I was asked to leave. I didn't have any cash on me and my phone was barely charged. Somehow (quite rural) I managed to summon a taxi into town, find a cashpoint, the the correct bus, then the correct train, then a further bus back home. It is the first time I have been dumped, but boy, the power of google maps on your phone is not one to be mocked.

Oh I dumped a girl on valentines day because she was a nutter.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 14:04, 2 replies)

How would you make films better? Here is my list for how I would make Star Wars better.
1) Change the title back to 'Opal Wars'

2) The gold robot can transform into an F-15 jet and fire missiles out of his fists

3) The Death Star has David Bowie's face and sings 'Starman'

4) To make his lightsword come out Luke has to shout thunder, Thunder, THUNDERJEDI! HOOOOOO!

5) Hans finds Leah being molested by a wooky and shouts "GET YOUR STINKING PENIS OUT OF HER YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE"

6) Luke finds out that Artoo is his robot son that he made by accident when he tried to get a free curly wurly by sticking his winky in a vending machine.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 13:57, 4 replies)

Better things
Made the mistake of getting together with a housemate...lasted most of the term but she gradually became an annoying cow, things came to the head one day when typing up some essay for a deadline I was in nice full flow and she stomped in and started kicking off.

I calmly turned to her, said it's time we called it a day, then returned to my essay.

Sorry to the housemates who had to deal with the howling whale for the next couple of days while I finished my work and went out on the piss
(bluehamster, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 13:43, 4 replies)

Not me but...
A friend of mine at a younger age (I think somewhere between 18 and 20) once got alcohol poisoning and spent two minutes dead on the operating table. After he was brought back to life, he decided to change things around and stop drinking so carelessly. For the next month, he didn't touch a drop of alcohol.

Then his girlfriend brought him aside for the talk, giving him the strangest breakup line ever uttered: "Ever since you died, you haven't been the same..."

Incidentally, when I asked him what it was like being dead, he said it gives you one hell of a hangover.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 13:23, 2 replies)

I almost dumped with joy
when I found out where the mods were who'd been so happy with the "step" hammer earlier last year, this very morning. Battered poster was pehaps ever so slightly less joyful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 13:21, 3 replies)

Duck (Scary) vs Wonder (Stevie)
I spent a small fortune pursuing a girl called Debbie (the same Debbie to whom I once sent an ill-adivsed mix tape). She had a bit of class, worked in a bank and I quite liked her brother. A small fortune, not to mention the (temporary) loss of my best friend, with whom I came to blows over her affections. Eventually, after a number of chaperoned pub nights and knackering walks in the countryside (also chaperoned), I finally hit pay-dirt when she agreed to come to a concert with me. Fuck, yeah - Ultravox, the cutting edge of early 80s electro-pop, and I got a peck on the cheek at the end of the night after delivering her safely home.

Then came the killer blow - she invited me into her bedroom one afternoon, and instead of the expected squirm on her floor, Debbie treated me to a note-perfect tiddly-plonk rendition of Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called To Say I Love You" on her Bontempi organ, before telling me that she wanted to spend more time learning middle-of-the-road Bomtempi organ classics and less time going out with me. No time at all going out with me, it turned out.

Dumped, and back to the wanking and crying.

I look back on this experience with my words at the time still going through my head: "Fuck you, Wonder. Fuck you."
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 13:10, 4 replies)

Phew,
that's a relief.

Oh hang on, this question is open to 'Ignore 2.0 moaning' too.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 12:58, 2 replies)

First!
Clearly, my sense of timing just keeps on getting better. I've mostly been the dumpee. Once or twice unexpected, once via a cringe-worthy Dear John letter accusing me of being bisexual, and once by my fiancee who ripped out my heart, set it on fire and pissed on it. Then again, that's all water under the bridge though.

But the one with the most drama? That'll be the New Year's Eve just gone. As is traditional, I guess. As a side note, I think this one was mutual, but I'm still not sure as to whether she thinks so as well, but to be honest, it doesn't really matter. Something for the "life's too short" file.

The warning signs really should have been apparent when we first started dating. I'd nipped to the bar for a second, and came back to find her snogging some other bloke who later nutted me for my trouble. She apologised for this, and then proceeded to have an argument with me, before coming back to mine. I was however fucking desperate, and well, you get the idea.

We saw each other a few times, sometimes good, sometimes very bad. Most recently she started using me as a verbal punching bag to take all her frustrations out on. I'll put up with this once or twice, but three times, no thanks. Which is where it came to a head on New Year's Eve. Apparently, she was worried she was pregnant. Oh, and it wasn't mine. As we weren't really official, it didn't bother me that much. Apparently, this was the wrong attitude to take. I'm guessing she doesn't appreciate the cold logic of "It doesn't matter, I'll do the right thing whatever". It then got worse from there. I'm guessing in retrospect that my "If you don't want to be reasonable then I'll just go now" line wasn't the best. After being told to, I figure that's pretty much that.

All in all, a lucky escape from a mental cow. Funny thing was, I bumped into an ex of hers yesterday in the pub. She'd done the same thing to him. So even if I was the dumpee, sometimes it does in fact do you a massive favour in the long run.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 3 Jan 2013, 12:52, 13 replies)