Christmas Shopping
A couple of years ago. I had been out the night before, and consequently had a whole variety of noxious gases fighting one another for release.

I gamely held them in, but was becoming more bloated by the second. Eventually the pressure became critical and a fart that had been brewing for hours was released.

It was a warm experience lasting whole seconds, and it was blessedly silent. It was just bad luck that I happened to be in the downstairs of a particularly small and over populated shop.

I eased my way around the room, distancing myself from the scene of the crime. Then it started. People began to migrate towards my side of the shop discussing the smell. Some started discussing a potential drainage problem. Seconds passed and if anything the odour intensified as it wafted towards us.

My missus, recognising it as one of mine, gave me a filthy look and left the store, hotly persued by every other customer, all looking around to see who had perpertrated this horific crime. I was looking equally insulted by the pong but all the time I was biting my cheek to prevent myself laughing and feeling rather proud of myself.

Outside the shop I began to laugh, nearly weeping, and my missus was very annoyed and embarrassed.

And that is the story of how I cleared an entire shop just by farting.

Oh, and as a post script, I did exactly the same 20 minutes later in a jewellers. My wife sent me home in disgrace and I spent the entire evening chuckling.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 17 Jul 2007, 12:45, Reply)