The History of Farting
It is widely agreed that the practice of farting is likely to be Mankind's oldest hobby. Indeed, many scholars believe that farting is one of the single most important catalysts to civilisation. Fart culture was so integral to many of the defining human civilisations that, arguably, these cultures would never have become civilised without the art. Civilisations such as the Egyptians, Carthaginians, the Ancient chinese and the Aztecs, to name but a few, were highly structured around fart intercourse and the practice was an effective means of defining power structure, waging effective war, and, of course, enhancing social interaction.

Many historic texts exist on the subject of farting and its effect on ancient society and warfare:

"The first kings of the Aztec empire were not born into rulership, but attained their rank by competing in a contest known as 'The Chamber Test of the Divine Brown Butterfly'. Each of the would-be kings gorged for a number of weeks on a special dish called 'Popolota', made from a number of different locally-grown beans and flavoured with large amounts of cumin and hot chillies. Come the day of the test, the competitors would be led into an airtight chamber deep beneath the ground where they would remain until only one contestant was left alive. The winner was then taken from the chamber and immediately crowned king for a period of four years, after which time the contest would be repeated. This method of selection was very effective at choosing leaders with inner strength and a certain ruthlessness, but unfortunately led to the untimely death of many wives. King Itzahuitl, who won the contest five times in a row, is said to have been married twenty-six times, each wife mysteriously being asphyxiated while sleeping." (From 'Customs of the Ancient Aztecs' by Dr. Alphonse Nobliss, Oxford University Press, 1982)

"The emergence of the Cretans as ancient Greece's major military power is largely acredited to the invention of the 'Cretan Amphora of Death'. These missiles, which were launched from a crude early form of catapult, were discovered by Cretan merchant, Tuphuctones, who was said to have made the first amphora while courting his future wife. Unable to leave the room for fear of unleashing an embarrassing eruption, the young suitor released his precious gases into an empty wine jug, which he surreptitiously corked afterwards. This plan, however, backfired on its inventor as the jug, forgotten for a number of years, was thrown at Tuphuctones by his new wife during a domestic disagreement. The gases, having fermented during their confinement in the amphora, had become so noxious as to prove deadly, even to the creator, and the hapless Tuphuctones died almost instantly as the jug was smashed. The Cretans, however, saw the military benefits of such a weapon, and over the next ten years, many of the 'bombs' were manufactured. It was this weapon which is said to have been responsible for the destruction of Megara in 397 B.C., where every living being in the city, including the rats, was poisoned to death during a huge aerial bombardment by the Cretans. The city was left uninhabitable for three years afterwards, and as late as 145 B.C., unexploded amphoras were still occasionally claiming the lives of Megara's residents" (From 'Chemical Warfare Through the Ages' by Hugh Janus and Roger Dard, New York Historic Press, 1994)
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