Defetishisation
This tends to be the process for me:

1. Emvee develops taste for a particular kink
2. Emvee meets a girl with self-professed taste for particular kink
3. Girl promises Emvee that they can try out particular kink together
4. Girl continues to promise Emvee that they can try out particular kink together
5. Years pass of vanilla relationship without kinks
6. Emvee asks whatever happened to trying out kink
7. Girl confesses she was never into that particular kink anyway
8. Girl blames Emvee for trying to force kink on her
9. Girl makes Emvee feel like shit for even suggesting it in the first place
10. Girl uses all her womanly powers to layer guilt on Emvee every time she sees him
11. Emvee's life becomes long cycle of recrimination for being such a disgusting pervert
12. Emvee can't take it any more and breaks up with girl
13. Alone and lonely, Emvee visibly flinches whenever particular kink is so much as mentioned and despite never getting to try it out, has lost all taste for it

That pretty much sums up my last five relationships...by the time I'm 40 I'll be lucky if I can think about tits and still be able to smile. Why is it that women always advertise themselves as fun and willing to try stuff but as soon as you get close to them they turn into commitmentaholic prudes?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:02, 23 replies)

This is sad.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:05, closed)

Welcome to my life.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:11, closed)

Welcome to my life
Exactly the words I was going to use.

Why oh why do they do this? It's not big (any more) and certainly not clever.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:13, closed)

I've no idea
but would any ladies reading care to enlighten us?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:33, closed)

maybe next time...
...don't wait so long?

Girls lie to boys about kinkiness to seem more attractive to boys, the same as boys lie to girls about...I dunno, their salaries or whatever. Say I have a "thing" for doctors. I meet one. We start dating. I'm not going to hang around FIVE YEARS for him to show me his stethoscope. 6 weeks, he gets. And that's generous. 6 weeks, or I'm calling his bluff.

Life is short, Emvee.
(floella, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:26, closed)

You're right
I was naive and young and in love and I believed what these women said to me

Now I'm older and bitterer, these days I automatically assume they're lying to me and work from there
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:40, closed)

Oh my goodness
I am such a love cynic. Sorry.
(floella, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:44, closed)

Er...
Sounds like one of those five may have been my ex-wife.

Thank the heavens for the soon to be Mrs Lardy.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:06, closed)

Sounds familiar
my last girlfriend alluded to being a sex minx, but then made me feel like a pervert for wanting anything other than missionary.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:08, closed)

The only type I ever seem to meet
Why do women think it's clever to pretend to be something they're not?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:13, closed)

I think maybe they think they are
my mrs was a bit like that, but fortunately I persuaded her that she is kind of kinky :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:22, closed)

I've given up any attempts at persuasion
see above, RE: layers and layers of guilt
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:32, closed)

Layers of guilt?
So what is the kink? Is it really so bad that you have to feel awfully guilty about it? We've had people with ducks up their bottom, manhandling while driving, champagne cock-dipping and various others. Unless your kink is mutilating someone, should you really be screwed up with guilt by it?
(Good Penny, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 0:09, closed)

Looking at the above
I feel heartened.
My ex was exactly like this, started off telling me about all her various wishes etc. What it eventually boiled down to was sex on the friday evening and doing various coupley stuff the rest of the weekend before waiting until the next fri to repeat.
I'd have dumped her long before I did if she didn't have amazing tits.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:15, closed)

what is the kink in question you wish to try out
do you fantasise about shitting on girl's chests?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:23, closed)

the usual stuff
anal, threesome, a bit of home-made porn, sex on drugs...nothing particularly degrading, sordid or out of the ordinary
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:31, closed)

while
I can see why some girls might not want that, there is nothing in that list to be embarassed about. It's pretty shitty of them to try to make you feel bad about it. Plus they should have thought about how it makes them appear insecure enough to believe they have to pretend to be kinky for someone to be attracted to them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 18:03, closed)

I fear
you might simply be too "nice" for your own good. I can't believe you have had the misfortune to meet a succession of totally strait-laced Mary Poppins', there can't be that many of them about. These days it's rarer to meet one of them than a rabid cock-monster!

Rather than politely waiting for a woman to indulge you in your interests, you need to take the initiative. If she doesn't flip out when you suggest something, act on it, soon.
Some women ARE actually well up for it (whatever particular "it" you are into) but prefer to be led astray by their filthy minded boyfriend, you know, him with a one-track mind. Then, when they can blame him for their antics they can immerse themselves in all the fun of the fair without any guilt. Most of the time it will be a case of lighting the blue touchpaper.......

So don't be afraid, grab the bull by the horn(s) and JUST DO IT. Life's way too short to be sitting there wishing your Mrs would take it up the wrong 'un, she may well be sitting there wishing you would grab her and "force" a bum-shagging on her. After leathering her arse. With a kipper. Whilst dressed as a vicar.

He who dares wins, Rodney. So long as you recognise when she REALLY doesn't want to do something, as opposed to making token noises of protest, you will find a world of filth opening up to you.

And if the lass is apalled by your foibles don't stay there under layers of guilt. Give her the boot and move on, you weren't compatible. What can be sadder than someone going through life scared of revealing their turn-ons? Better to get it out in the open early on, then get on with life and enjoy your liberated sex life. If you were into something remotely kinky, maybe finding someone to indulge with you might be a struggle, but the things you mention above are so pedestrian as to be totally vanilla. (Well, to me anyway! And I KNOW I won't be alone)
(Rsoles, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 21:41, closed)

.
Perhaps its when they see you with your clothes off.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:25, closed)

oh no
straight vanilla sex is fine

like I said, I've had relationships lasting years with these women

they've just lied to me about their predilictions throughout
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:33, closed)

OK, sod it
let's answer this one honestly from my own experience. It helps that I'm 67% drunk at this point.

In all honesty - in all, all honesty, I have found that the vast majority of women (that I have come across):

- at the start of the relationship, will happily give you your jollies in whatever shape or form you want them;
- seem "up for it" most of the time, as interested as you are in sex;
- then, when you are in a "committed" relationship, suddenly become a lot less into sex;
- and it doesn't matter how considerate a lover you are, how much you are prepared to do whatever it takes to rock their boat - the interest dies.

I've honestly, honestly got to the point in my early 40s where I can't help but become very very cynical in terms of the female enjoyment for, and need for, sex. It seems well, well below the standard male desire in reality.

I'm torn between wanting to have a long term, committed relationship that can build a shared history and life together (as much as I have left) or
just going all out for sex via the medium of dating people short-term, getting the good jollies, then moving on and repeating ad infinitum.

Sadly, neither path will bring me happiness.

Fuck it.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 21:03, closed)

^ This. ^
.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:09, closed)

i got lucky enough to marry a woman that meets me halfway
it's not every kink i get to indulge, and some are probably best left to the realms of fantasy wanking, but enough to keep me satisfied. I've learned that this is actually pretty good for most women and to be happy with my lot
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 1:02, closed)