i'd do it for £100
*format and re-install a pc that is
** maybe other stuff as well
( wierdo was bored @, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 11:20, Reply)

my computer betrayed me
every week for months, the QOTW changed on a thursday...and then it stopped changing! The flow of tales slowed to a veritable trickle, and verily, I had to do some actual work.

the horror!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 10:09, Reply)

Eh?
"we did have to buy a new computer, as our old one was loaded with trojans/viruses/and many MANY dialers, and would have costed more than it would be to buy another one to get it fixed."

Next time call me. I can reformat and reinstall your OS for the bargain price of £250, saving you the cost of a new 'pooter.
(Throbbe, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 9:50, Reply)

First post, been a lurker for years...not good but to the point :)
An ex friend of mine, male, 14 at the time, almost cost us 300.00 US dollars on pr0no. He was the type that was always said to like a little man meat in school, but would swear up and down that was not true. Mind you the stuff found on our autocomplete/history/phone bill wasn't regular pr0n...it wasn't even granny sex for god's sake. It was very graphic GAY SEX phone 'chats', almost 100 900 numbers googled straight (or shall I say gay) from the COMPUTER. Titles included 'Big beefy black cocks' and videos were uncovered with titles similar to 'cute latino stud makes big black man his prison bitch' and the ever pleasant sounding 'my first piercing'. This dude used to pierce his lips for fun...God knows what else. He would also look at black pr0n IN FRONT OF EVERYONE while claiming he was 'pranking someone in their email'. *shudder* (BTW I have nothing against gay people or piercings, I'm a regular pincushion myself, but these things were so sick...even for my morbid self). The majority of these 'calls' were at 3:00 in the morning, while we were sleeping peacefully never knowing what was going on...I'm not sure if I ever wanna really find out. We never had to pay that bill, but we did have to buy a new computer, as our old one was loaded with trojans/viruses/and many MANY dialers, and would have costed more than it would be to buy another one to get it fixed.
He never came back to our house after I made sure the whole school knew he killed my precious computer with gay pr0n.
Sorry for the length. This is my first post, and I have many funny things to share with you lovvies :)
(gingerdeadgirl, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 8:05, Reply)

?
Get him to help you post a story about how the computer gave away your secrets?
(Lannes, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 4:16, Reply)

School Stuff
When at 15 or 16 in the 70's I had this BF who was just one of those people you just shagged and shagged - not for the sake of it but in those days it just was just that - anyway 30 years later I get this message on friends reunited, he said do you remember me and all that shite and I said no - until I recalled my mother catching me and someone shagging in a caravan..... and it's only the same bloke, bloody gorgeous too, I've been married 16 years now to someone else and the bloke only wants to shag me big time now so whaddya do when he texts you this week AND is in the area ?

Errrr..........
( Tiggy the diver, Fri 17 Feb 2006, 1:59, Reply)

Barbie Goes on Holiday...
I used to work as an ITC Technician at the local high school before going to University…spent the day emailing my mates and looking at dirty schoolgirls, it was the best job ever…until one day, I was sat in a year 8 IT class…I got an email from the headmasterasking me to look up some crap file and send it to him…

Simultaneously, I also received an email titled "Barbie Goes On Holiday"…which I opened sneakily as it had been classed as NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK)…basically, the email contained a series of pictures of a barbie doll, in a bikini, in various stages of insertion up a ladies gash…starting off feet first, then up to her knees, then the waist, then the boobs, then you could just see her blonde hair, and then nothing but a hand, cheekily waving at you from the depths of a fishy crevice…

I found this hilarious, and as such, decided to forward it to all my mates…and if people walked past, I quickly hit Alt+Tab and opened up my email to the headmaster…and carried on with that…I copied his email address so I could put it in my contacts…and thought nothing else of it…I finished his email and got back to the task in hand of forwarding filth to my mates…

Just as I was about to send it, I realised I'd forgotten my mate who had moved to leeds a few weeks earlier, so I went to my contacts, and cut and paste his email into the address bar, OR SO I THOUGHT!!! In reality, I'd clearly not pressed the cut button at all, and so I pasted the headmasters address into the CC box…and pressed send…then realised the grave error I'd made…

I got called into the Headmasters office later that day, to be confronted with colour prinouts of every single barbie picture laid out on the desk, in chronological order, and was asked to explain myself…which I tried to do…not very well…I ended up getting sacked on the spot for gross violation of school policy…

Can't look at a barbie the same way to this day...
(Big Andy, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 18:23, Reply)

Not a story
but a tip...

if you're using a recent version of firefox

<crtl>, <shift> and <delete>

try it!
( Weetobix, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 16:52, Reply)

A friend of a friend made a website -
- dedicated to our head teacher. And many comments were made on it eg 'I want your babies' ect ... amusing pictures posted ect ...

Someone looked at it on a school computer which is recorded.

Oops.

What made him angrier was that recently he'd had to dismiss a teacher for being on the sex offenders list. (And if you are wondering, yes, it is 'that school'. : ) )
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 16:21, Reply)

Cucumber Relish
A couple of years ago my girlfrined and I went on holiday and I gave my "friend" a key to my flat so he can come in and feed my girlfriend's pets.

My mother kindly picked us up from the airport and drove us back to said flat, having another 20 min drive back to her house I offered he in for a cuppa.

Whilst there I rather unwiseley said "Would you like to see my holiday snaps, they are on the digital camera.
I will get them up on the computer screen so you don't have to squint at the tiny screen on the camera"

As the PC wasn't the fastest in the world I turned it on and went into the kitchen to make the tea.

I returned to the living room to see my mother sat at the PC confronted with the new wallpaper my "friend" had selected whilst I was away.

The wallpaper was a picture of a rather overweight lady eating a cucumber - with her snatch!!
(EauDeFromage, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 15:36, Reply)

tubgirl...porn
This isn't a "google cache" moment but a computer still screwed my friend. He was screwed thanks to the originating author field in the e-mail, or possibly just following back the recipients to a common e-mail address. Anyway...

One of my good friends at school had a pretty good story to tell (sadly i don't think he posts here so i'll post it for him!!). This story takes us back to year 12 (Final year) at High School. It was back in the good ol' days of sending unsuspecting people to lemonparty or goatse, anyway on this particular day he decided it would be funny to e-mail one kid at school (on the school e-mail) a link to tubgirl.com this "friend" then forwarded this link to almost EVERY year 8 at school.

anyway the next day my good friend James was hauled off to the office (principal or head of year 12, i forget now) to explain his actions on why he had sent this "porn" to other students who would feel victimised and bullied after they opened the website. The funniest thing though was how the teacher brought up the matter. After taking James out of his class the teacher held up a black and white, poor quality print out of tubgirl and the teacher asked if James recognised it, now a b&w fuzzy image of tubgirl is rather hard to decipher so James stared at it for a minute or two before bursting out in laughter.

The detention and near suspension wasn't quite so funny.


P.S. i forgot to add KABOOOM, eeeewwwwww, i was just sprayed by cherry shrapnel
(lewisyoufools, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 12:37, Reply)

This Subject
Of course it doesn't help when Google give each computer an identity and have a record of probably every search made. The only way I can think of getting around that is by using an anonymizer but that still may not work.

proxy.cjb.net/ might help but I'm not too expert enough on that.

Thankfully Yahoo can be stopped by clearing History, Temp Int Files, Cookies and AutoComplete etc etc.
(Timmeh I am Timmeh and Timmeh is me!, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 12:10, Reply)

oh yeah... i sort of got caught once...
almost forgot this one.

back when i was an ickle 'un at school, i had a mate who was a couple of years older and had gone to uni. we'd swapped email addresses (the school gave every student an account, for some reason) and he'd taken the opportunity to send me filth.

namely a story about a girl named samantha and her horse. and the very naughty things she did with her horse. me, being me, found this absolutely hilariously funny, and told my mates about it.

someone then decided to get me to email it over to them, and then they printed out a copy of it. on the school's network printer. which maintained a copy in the cache of everything it had printed.

next thing i know i'm being hauled up in front of the deputy head for distributing dodgy material to first years.

apparently, the dumbass who'd printed it decided to leave all of the email addresses of everyone who'd recieved it in the printout. which some enterprising young kiddie had found, and printed, and distributed from the printer's cache.

in the end, they let me off on the grounds of my 'good standing with the members of staff' (for that, read i was on first name terms with a couple of them, and was known for being a helpful person and a good boy back then).

i did get a talking to from my form tutor, though, who'd obviously been told about it and thought to give me some friendly advice. probably of the 'how not to get caught on school computers' variety. i told him the whole story, and when i pointed out it was about a girl and a horse with something of a smirk on my face, we both had a laugh about it, and he stopped the 'advice'.

i always wondered what would have happened had they found the other story about some lucky bloke, three women, lots of restraints, bdsm, and lots of generally quite fun sounding stuff...

for the record, horses: no, bondage: bring it on ;)
(blades is looking for a brain, any brain, at, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 12:10, Reply)

i managed to stitch up my dad, once...
it was back in the era of the gillian anderson fhm shoot, and my dad took rather a liking to her. so, deciding to have a laugh at him, i managed to obtain his work laptop, and stuck a pic of her on as the desktop backdrop.

what i didn't realise is that the next time he opened up that laptop would be in the middle of a board meeting. on a projector screen. glorious :)

he didn't know it was me, though - ha balled out one of his office staff, ignoring claims of ignorance, and then came home to tell me about it. at which point, i told him it was me, laughing my ass off all the while.

to be fair to him, he did apologise to the bloke, though. and he did keep the backdrop :)
(blades is looking for a brain, any brain, at, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 10:30, Reply)

Just testing Winpig's advice
µ

Holy fuck it worked!
Apologies for length, 'cos you'll never get it as good as hubby gives it.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 8:22, Reply)

dirty old man
I am waiting expectantly for my dad to give his PC some kid of porn-induced breakdown ever since a malware scan a few years ago brought up well over two hundred hits including three diallers and five competing homepage-adjusting scripts. The only remaining actual porn was a ten-second mpeg but I remain convinced (despite his protestations of innocence) that he'll accidentally break something one day. After all, this is the gentleman who (when I was smallchild) would be in such a rush to tape late-night channel four arthouse/filth that's he'd tape over stuff my sister and I had recorded and hadn't yet watched. The last time I went to visit I turned on the television in the morning to watch the news and found the freeview box still tuned to some form of poor-quality soft porn. There is no way in the world that he's not using the computer; just haven't caught him out yet.

phookoo - it's µ and therefore µtorrent. µ can be accessed by typing ALT + 0181; it's the Greek letter mu and is used to denote the prefix micro to mean *10^-6 or 1/1,000,000 of whichever unit it prefixes.
( wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 6:38, Reply)

re CNN story linked to below
QUOTE: He (Neil Entwistle who is accused of murdering his wife and child) visited a Web site called "Adult Friend Finder," which helps subscribers find sexual partners through Internet chat rooms, personal ads and other services, investigators said.

I've often wondered how other men who use such sites compare to the women I've met through them, nice to see they're about the same level of stability and committment.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 16 Feb 2006, 3:52, Reply)

not quite on topic but...
this isnt a forum people ffs

i got caught looking at disabled porn thanks to a link a certain comedic website hosted

my parents havent spoken to me for two weeks...
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 21:49, Reply)

Mr.Entwistle says...
"My History folder got me a nice free flight back to the USA, with my own U.S. Marshall accompanying me...fucksocks"

www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/02/13/entwistle.documents.ap/index.html
(The Graduate Adding to the confusion since 1974, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 20:43, Reply)

Bloody newfandangled P2P apps....
I rarely use torrents anymore, having moved on to usenet instead, but I still potter about in the seedy world of porn a la bit torrent.

A few days ago, I downloaded a new BT app to try out, having been fed up of Azureus' resource-hogging shenanigans. This was called 'ptorrent' (except cut the top off the p - I have no idea how to type that, let alone say it).

All is going well, as it minimises to the system tray when you minimise it, and I've hidden the shared folder well enough so that my missus, who's not too tech savvy, isn't likely to find it. And so I set about downloading some filth.

I come home about 9 hours later to find that this 'wondeful' little program has cheerfully ratted on me by telling anyone keen enough to turn my monitor on that it has 'Finished Downloading "One In The Pink, One In The Stink"* in 2.5 hours' in a nice little pop-up balloon emnating, pointed-finger style, from the system tray. Fucksocks.

Cue the usual 'this bloody computers got some sort of virus, dammit, bloody thing, grrr' type talk, and much earnest virus-checking, just to look good. I think it worked...







*may not actually be the name of the dirty material. Or, it might very well be.
(phookoo, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 20:28, Reply)

my first post........
google autocompleted my husband's ex girlfriend website in my computer... but true challenge was when internet was running slow and I checked for heavy downloads in his computer and found black teenager was there with truly tiring manners impossible to reproduce...
(jojoniteroi, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 20:14, Reply)

similar to most stories, but hey
Me and my brother both use the same computer (it's an iMac, but that's a different story). We also use a p2p program that apparantly downloads pron films by itself. My brother, whom i'll call Rumpelstiltzkin, for sake of using an interesting name, says that these files are downloaded without him knowing, although it never seems to happen when i use the program. He always deletes them when me or him 'find' them

Coincidence?

Anyway, while using quicktime to play a music video, get bored and look in the recent items list...hey presto, 'Fucking Machines Aria Giovanni HOT dildo'...

I mean, the program *might* download the files themselves, but i doubt quicktime plays videos for it's own amusement...
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 19:18, Reply)

I'm paranoid...
... so paranoid that I switch auto complete off and regularly delete my temporary internet files... I freak out if someone even looks over my shoulder while I'm on the internet. All this and I have never looked at porn in the 9 years I've had an internet connection O_O I'm not repressed!
Anywho, I do have a friend who was trying to fix her step dad's computer when google autocomplete dropped down to show entries for 'busty teenage girls and their dogs'.
At the time she was a busty teenage girl, with a dog. How wrong? So wrong.
( litzigig, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 18:43, Reply)

Help the aged
A good few years ago now, I was round at my mates house and his mum was wanting to print out some document on the computer. She asked for help.

Clicked on documents from the start menu , up popped list of recently viewed documents. Out of mild curiousity I couldn't resist clicking on one of the JPEG files "by accident". Up pops picture of lovely young lady busily fisting herself.

Shocked Mother: "OH! Where did that come from?"
Me (spluttering with laughter): "From teh intehnet"

He has since learnt to cover his tracks when looking at teh pron...
(nattyplatypus Is flippin eck, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 16:37, Reply)

Not a computer
But my phone.

I had pictures of my girlfriend doing things and me doing them to her.

A mate of mine started going through my phone and stumbled across one of her wantonly suckign me off. He was rather shocked.

Not really trouble, but he was quite shocked.

On reflection, that's a shit story. Apologies.
(ElWeisserino, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 16:15, Reply)

I've just bought a webcam
Now I'm absolutely terrified it'll catch me out somehow :S
( useful_idiot, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 15:47, Reply)

Dirty Pr0n dialler
Many years ago, when I was a real PC newb I was having trouble with my dial-up conncetion.
So I was forced to phone the wallet-knackering BT helpdesk.

The guy managed to navigate me to the network connections screen and asked what I could see.
'Um, create a new connection, BT Anythime, and er XXXShagnastyDialler...'
It was one of those things that you just read out without thinking it through first.
There was a soft chuckle from the other end of the phone and we continued to check out the problem.
The smug bastard never thought to suggest that I delete the offending item...

Helpdesk my arse.
(JonnyMX, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 14:07, Reply)

dirty dog
I work in a respectable academic lab across from a booze hound Russian research scientist. Only yesterday while we were all getting ready to do a graduation precesion the good Dr left the room to grab a sobering coffee. While he was gone my mate closed his still running e-mail to reveal a man being done up the arse by an Alsation. Hard. We reopened the window and left it on there. Whatever gets you through the day comrade.
(Jumper, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 13:47, Reply)

Why did I ever do it?
I was daft enough to get both my Mum and my Dad a computer each. They're divorced, so it's rather inconvenient to make them share one.

One day while trying to find a file my Dad had lost (turns out it was on a CD, never actually on the hard disk) I came across some pictures of ladies in the all-together. Fair play to him I say. And would have left it at that.

Except about 10 seconds after my discovery he comes barreling up the stairs, incoherently blabbering something about not looking in a certain folder because "I've already checked there".

I took some perverse pleasure in saying "You're right, it's just full of porn."
(Woodgie is back, but for how long?, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 13:46, Reply)

Autocuntplete again.
When returning from work one day i was greeted with an icy welcome and the rather tricky question "did you find any dirty college sluts then?"

*choke*
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 13:03, Reply)