I believe the correct, proper, established medical term for this is a double-headed piss dragon...
One time I went to the gym in North London with a mate named Karol. He was a member and had a free pass. I’m cheap and never turn down a free anything (I’ve even sent off for complimentary tampons, cleaning products, and a chance to win a breast augumentation operation in the past; would’ve made a nice pressie for my mum). So it was only normal and natural that I chose to go and get sweaty and grunty with my big, butch Polish builder mate one weekday afternoon.

It was free. And I’m easy.

Karol and I got to the gym. Very nice. Changed and set about twatting round on the equipment. And the thing about the gym is its the type of environment where even the most mild mannere type of fella turns into a raging sacks of testosterone. You tend to become all manly. Even though I am officially weaker than a fucking damsel fly, I still attempt to lift weights that are way, way out of my fucking league. And when a couple of young girlies walked in and started stretching and limbering up, both Karol and I instantly attempted to be harder and tougher than the Terminator and Wolverine’s bastard child combined. OK, these girls wern’t anything special – but they had that all important X factor; they had a pulse. AND they were wearing lycra. There was more camel toe action going on than you’d expect to see at London Zoo. It was fucking great.

As it was quiet and there wasn’t any harder, stronger, better-looking competition, Karol and I started chatting to the girls. Just the general low-level please will you let me fuck you stuff. Things were going well. The great thing about infrequent visits to the gym is that any member of the opposite sex you meet there can be easily fooled into thinking your healthy and have the kind of stamina to go like a fucking train all night long. So, my particular girl was showing some interest. Then, as normally happens, I needed to go and have a piss. I excused myself, saying I had to visit the little boys room, and slinked off to the bogs.

And the double-headed piss dragon reared its great brutish head and struck like an unholy harbinger of doom from another plane of existance.... Essentially, I managed to piss myself.

I got the wee chap out, pointed Percy at the porceline and – after a cursory look round for any arse bandits – bombs away. But instead of pissing arrow-straight in one glorious yellowish arc, my cock did the double-headed piss dragon thing and a couple of streams of piss came out of my dick all, well, cock-eyed. Maybe it was the strenuous exercise? Maybe it was the lazy lob-on I was sporting on account of the vauge possibility of actually getting some? But either way, one stream went off to the right, the other shot directly down, soaking my trainers and seeping into my socks. I squeezed my bell end quickly, attempting to correct my cock malfunction, but only managed to douse myself in more hot piss.

Bugger...

I surveyed the damage in the mirror. My light blue shorts had a steamy dark patch round the crotch. I patted my willy and balls down with a few paper towels. No good. Then I realised the smell was pretty fucking awful too, I’d have to do a full on clean. So I whipped my shorts off and ran them under the tap, squirting a little foam soap onto them. I scrubbed for a while, rinsed the stinky shorts off, and attempted to dry them under the hand dryier. Sod it, dry enough. Can hardly tell. Then I slipped them back on, quickly patted at my plums - dry as a fucking bone - and hurried back to the equipment room and the hot unchartered vagina waiting for me there.

The perfect fucking crime.

“So, would you like to go for a pint after this?” I asked, as I stood next to this girl after crossing the gym in as alluring a way as humanly possible for a humpbacked, sweaty, mongfuckwit deformed cunt twat like my goodself . Karol was making good progress with his, looking all manly and masculine, pushing his chest out and pulling his gut in. I had some time to make up. But this girl was staring at me. And not in a good way. Infact, she’d been staring at me since I walked back into the brightly lit gym.

“I don’t think so,” she said with a sneer and stalked off, grabbing her mate’s arm and dragging her away from my Polish pal.

Karol looked at me. Looked down at my shorts. Then he called me a cunt.

Turns out under the bright gym lights the damp patch on my shorts was pretty evident still. But I don’t think that was the clincher, no. You see, it turns out in my haste to get back out to try and get balls deep inside this eighteen year old girl, I’d accidentally put my shorts on back to front...

... apparently it looked like I’d well and truly, runny-poo shat myself...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:21, 6 replies)

fantastic!
lol, thanks!
(Westminster Wombat, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:11, closed)

jesus christ
sir, i've said it before and i'll say it again. you're a wrong-un!
(Hotty, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:15, closed)

I don't know whether a spelling flame is in order here
Uncharted = nobody has previously mapped the area
Unchartered = available for hire

So exactly what kind of girl was she?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:35, closed)

*click*
For "double-headed piss-dragon", and for another excellent tale.

Fine work, sir
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:45, closed)

I always have to read your posts, and you didn't disappoint
I just hope I dont get a "double headed piss dragon" when I go for a piss righttttttt........ now.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 17:21, closed)

Bloody double-headed piss dragons!
Slay them with a quick (and gentle) 'Japseye pinch'.

This advice is free *click*
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 7:44, closed)