An open letter to the management of Fatness First.
As a paying customer of your club - one link in a not-insignificant fanchised chain - I feel I'm entitled to raise a few points and make a few requests.

1. Machinery. Machines break down. This is inevitable. However, I'm not convinced that it really takes nine months to call out an engineer.
2. Machinery again. Would it be too much to ask for it to be properly attached to the floor and properly balanced? I'm sure that a treadmill that wobbles when you step on it presents some kind of injury risk.
3. Cleanliness. Actually, the less said about this, the better. Let's just let the word "Passchendaele" do the work here. On the upside, I now know where to get all the second-hand elastoplast I could ever need. It's in the showers.
4. Airconditioning. I know that you pretend to have this, because there're big vents in the ceiling. However, I'm fairly sure that 27 celcius isn't the best possible temperature for a gym. That was how hot it was there last week. Even the more normal 20-22 is pushing it a bit, don't you think?
5. Music. Oh, god, the music. Why the hell does it have to be so loud? Even with my stereo turned up to its maximum volume, I can still here the thump-thump-thump of the same few chavpop tracks over and over and over again.
6. On the other hand, you do provide little boxes on the machines which, if they work, allow me to listen to the soundtrack of the TVs or the radio. Nevertheless - on the off-chance that I get bored of Sky Sports, Sky "News" or the wide selection of identikit local commercial radio stations, would it be too much to ask that Radio 4 or 6Music be made available as options? With 20 channels, you must surely be able to make room.
7. You've been refitting the showers for three months now. It's getting a bit silly.
8. Given that I hate the place so much, could you explain to me why I'm in there for over an hour every fucking day?

Thank you.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:19, 5 replies)

A Click
for the second-hand elastoplast.

I can't count the number of times I've spotted those fuckers in public showers....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:27, closed)

*clicks*
I'm not alone in my gym-rants...

I too have complained about the irritating 120 decibel teen-pop that is entirely inappropriate for exercising 30 year olds, the notion that MTV represents a viable alternative to the aforementioned aural diahorrea, machines that remain broken months on end and health threatening sepsis riddled latrines that are laughably described as "Changing Rooms".

Enzyme, you've earned more than your fair share of clicks from me already this week.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:35, closed)

Fatness First don't even do MTV
They have their own, bespoke awful music channel, which is interspersed with adverts for their own products.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:52, closed)

LA Fitness
is exactly the same

The one I used to visit (St Paul's) had a jacuzzi which was permanently 'being cleaned', a sauna which was almost always broken and a LIAR for a manager*

*He conned me out of my subscription cancellation, but the story is far too tedious to post

Needless to say LA FITNESS IS THE WORST GYM I HAVE EVER USED.

I hope they go out of business.
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:36, closed)

I'm abaout to have a similar rant at Esporta
Since I rejoined about a year ago they seem to be trying to kill me with heat. I rejoined to find:
-Giant fans had been removed from in front of the treadmills
-They had stopped providing iced water

Fair enough I thought. Cutbacks, someone muttered something about complaints and cups being bad for the environment.

Since enduring the last year I have also found:
-not only have they removed the iced water, the "coolers" provide only tepid water
-i can live without giant fans but not without the AC down at, at most, 17. I swear it never gets below 21. What. The. Fuck. If people want it hotter they can wear a jumper, your staff (90% of the time in vests) can wear tracksuits. I can't run in my nudey. If I wanted to run in the heat etc...

Idiots. I should rant at them instead of flailing ineffectively at the internet.
( Throat And Ice Pie I see dem tatties dere., Fri 10 Jul 2009, 14:55, closed)