Getting in from work
Long time fan of QOTW but never felt the need to post before, be tender.

I'm using this as a cheap way of seeing how bad my OCD really is. If I'm the weirdest/worst one on here then I'll do what my wife says and get some help, if not then I'll happily go on being quietly mental forever and ever.

So here goes, this is what I do when I get in from work:
I get through the door about half past 10 at night and sit down on the "work clothes seat" (I only sit there in my work clothes and will never sit on it in my normal ones) and talk to my wife. Then I'll get up and wash the bottle of wine that I've bought, I do this as I've had to put it on the passenger seat of the car and it will have got dirty as other people's bum germs will be have transferred from the car seat to the bottle; I'll wash my hands after washing the bottle just to make sure.

Once in the bedroom I'll take off my shoes and trousers then wash my hands. I put away my work clothes in the separate section of the wardrobe, making sure they don't touch my normal clothes and "infect" them. I put my underwear in the laundry basket making sure to only touch the bottom right hand corner of the lid then go into the bathroom to start more pointless shittery...

In the bathroom I wash my hands then put on shaving foam for a shave (I always shave at night, I'm very un-beardy and its a bastard shaving in the morning). Trouble is I can't fill the bowl with water because all the germs I've just washed off my hands will still be in the sink and I'll dip my razor in the water and spread the germs all over my face, so I just leave the tap running and do it that way. Finally I get in the shower, stopping halfway through to get out of the shower to wash my hands in the sink before resuming. Then I get dressed, pulling my slobby shorts on via the insides of the pockets (touching the top of my shorts is a no-no) and go and have a glass of wine. Later on I'll start my pre-bed rituals, but I think this is enough for now.

Not sure whether to apologise for the lack of funnies 'cos the ridiculousness of me has made me laugh.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:38, 57 replies)

I'm With your Wife
(Not in the biblical sense of course)

I'd get help. Some grade-1 nuttery going on there - but you seem happy enough.

Now what would happen if nasty men broke into your house, held you down and pissed on you.....?


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:42, closed)

(Not in the biblical sense of course)
I am
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:13, closed)

Thankyou, that'll save me a good 5 minutes tonight.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:18, closed)

You mean I get to do it twice?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:15, closed)

"frenziedly masturbate whilst screaming 'not on the work shoes!!!'"
is the wrong answer, I'm guessing
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:13, closed)

I'm not sure sodomy is biblical...
But if it is, I am!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:29, closed)

Oh it is
It's named after the Biblical city of Sodom, hence the great line in Blackadder:
"I will do unto you as God did to the Sodomites!"
"What did God do to the Sodomites?"
"Dunno, but I can't imagine it was much worse that what they used to do to each other."
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:27, closed)

*facepalms*
Clearly it's biblical. For some reason I was thinking biblical = approved behaviour by God.

Duh.

I blame 12 hour days.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:38, closed)

Yet you will happily walk through your house to your bedroom
With your shoes on.

With your work shoes on.

With your work germs on your work shoes.

Through your house.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:46, closed)

No, what I actually do is take my shoes off at the door then open the door to my bedroom with my forearm, take off my trousers, open the wardrobe door with my forearm, open the bathroom door with my forearm and then wash my hands. Feel relief.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:55, closed)

Blimey.
What are your work clothes? I could maybe understand if you worked with sewage, or refuse...maybe.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:59, closed)

If it
only affects you, who cares?

It's not incoveniencing anyone else.

OTOH, the thing about washing hands in sink half way through the shower - I don't get that at all. Like someone said, you'll be building a rather large airplane soon.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:12, closed)

You're about three steps away
from locking yourself in a room and collecting bottles of your own piss.
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:49, closed)

Doesn't everyone do this?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:58, closed)

I collect other people's piss

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:13, closed)

I saw a tramp once, outside a pub, quite early in the morning.
He had a bottle of White Lightning tramp juice, and was filling the glasses on the ground from it.
He smiled at me, and I walked quickly away.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:19, closed)

I started laughing at
wash the bottle of wine.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:53, closed)

btw
the usual criterion of whether to seek help 'for this sort of thing' is whether it is causing you problems. If it really is an issue in your relationship and not just a quirk that occasionally irritates, then that would be reason enough to go seek help. I am guessing though, that any help would most likely look at why you do these, why it is distressing to your partner, and what might be ways to lessen that distress, which may or may not include changing your rituals. Maybe all your partner needs to know is that this is how you roll, and you can't help it really.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:57, closed)

Yeah, that is fucking mental
I'm assuming that they're going to open the wine and pour it into a glass though, for all we know they may be inserting it into themselves wide end first.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:43, closed)

I don't get the bit about getting out of the shower half way through to wash your hands.
I mean - that's just silly, not to mention impractical.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:59, closed)

Actually you're right
this is the most mental thing I've ever fucking heard

isn't the shower just one big hand-washing opportunity?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:45, closed)

What do you do for a job?
if its a sex worker then maybe this level of cleanliness is needed. If you have a tosh office job then you are mental.

Also you seem to have very little knowledge off how bacterium travel about the place.

You are also very very fucking stupid.

Skin is the largest eliminatory organ in the body and our first line of immunity, is permeable to all chemicals. Medical research shows that significant amounts of cosmetic ingredients, including carcinogenic substances, penetrate the skin and end up in the blood stream. Many chemicals in cosmetics don’t cause obvious signs of toxicity on the skin but slowly poison us thorough repeated use.

wash that out.
(waxdart hello., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:06, closed)

I'm a community psychiatric nurse (yes, I know) so I do visit a lot of very unhygienic places.

What are you saying? That I'm poisoning myself with soap?
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:15, closed)

Yes, never wash yourself ever again
Just to be on the safe side.


I also hope you're scrubbing your keyboard clean after each post you make here.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:18, closed)

I heard
most soap factories use poo as a coagulant agent.





*whistles innocently*
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:27, closed)

:D
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:50, closed)

If a psychiatric nurse is asking if they are mental
what hope do the other nutters have?

Get changed before you sit down on the sofa would be something else to add. Also you might hate these people you treat if everything is unclean all the time.
(waxdart hello., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:23, closed)

You're a psychiatric NURSE????
Surely patient would be more appropriate...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:28, closed)

Lots of people are both
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 20:04, closed)

Woah, wait up
They let someone who is clearly this fucking mental be a psychiatric nurse? God help us.

Incidentally, I'd tell you not to worry about waxdart, as he's a bit wrong about how permeable the skin is to chemicals, but his point is valid. You are being rather an idiot, and more to the point, an idiot that will potentially make himself and his family more sick than you would be never washing.

we're mostly immune to most bacteria. We have an immune system. Well, most of us do. Yours is probably on the way out these days, and if you carry on that kind of behaviour with a child, he/she won't develop a proper natural immunity to things either.

Unless you transport your wine in the anus of a syphilitic hippo, chap, you don't need to wash the bottle.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:30, closed)

Do you wear a facemask at all times as well?
Because you know, there are many airborne germs floating around us all at all times.

Just something to think about.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:09, closed)

I don't think he knows that gems live on soap?

(waxdart hello., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:14, closed)

now who's a nutter?
Where do you buy your soap? I wish I had gems growing on mine...
(mersault, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:44, closed)

there are, too.
Mind you it's a pity those facemasks are about as effective as chicken wire at filtering out viruses, really. Still, it keeps the paranoid retards happy I suppose
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:32, closed)

I don't think I've ever seen anyone who wasn't Japanese wearing one

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:40, closed)

During swine flu
I wore one from my zombie costume box on the tube, but mainly to wind people up
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:53, closed)

What's your 'ritual' for taking a shit?
Must be hellish.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:21, closed)

the ritual is fine
the dump is the hellish part.
(waxdart hello., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:24, closed)

Yup, you're nuts alright.
And I thought I was weird for having a minor panic attack when I nearly choked on lobster at the weekend.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:23, closed)

If you're a community psychiatric nurse
You already know the answer to your own question. You're just looking for validation from others. If you really didn't want/need help, you wouldn't have made that post.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:24, closed)

Aye
If he's a CPN, why is he doing this? Those guys need to have a clean bill of mental health to be able to do their job. Either that, or his OCD has evolved as a coping mechanism- a ritual cleansing of all the shit he goes through on a day to day basis (knows something of psychology).
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:28, closed)

"Those guys need to have a clean bill of mental health to be able to do their job"- You'd like to think so wouldn't you? People who work in mental health are some of the weirdest people out there. Trust me, I've seen colleagues with worse coping mechanisms than handwashing.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:48, closed)

Hmmm
Some CPNs I've met in my time seemed to be quite normal. Then again, I suppose that is the day job. Although one I know is a Christian. Make of that what you will.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 13:47, closed)

Haha
My friend with a degree in psychology and who works in the field is as loopy as a honey nut

You sound slightly less mental than him
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:41, closed)

Its a well known fact that Psychologists are batshit crazy but extremely good at hiding it, they do psychology in a attempt to cure/understand themselves. For some reason the male ones are rarer and crazier than the women.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:32, closed)

Petite Chien- Yeah, I know:)
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:29, closed)

I spent 5 years avoiding going to counselling for panic attacks
and then I finally went. And the counselling was horrible, but I've been so, so, so much better since and wish I'd gone sooner. What have you got to lose? If it doesn't work you won't be any worse.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:34, closed)

Get help you fucking loon.
And make sure you keep your counselling clothes with the work and home clothes so that the healing rubs off.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:27, closed)

oof, well played there.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:32, closed)

Nobody on here has OCD.
Only in the 'read about on the internet' sense.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 13:15, closed)

Get home tonight and lick that wine bottle clean.
Then lick yourself all over and curl up for a sleep on your work clothes. That should fix everything.
( Smallbrainfield, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 13:22, closed)

How bad is your OCD?
Pretty bloody bad I'd say.
(Scary Ghost, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:10, closed)

washing your hands....
after everything you touch.....
Do you wash the taps too? Have you ever thought about the fact that every germ you're trying to wash off is already multiplying on your taps?
(Tilde, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:57, closed)

I have already thought of that you know, that's why I do wash the taps between turning them on and turning them off. There is no end to it really.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 20:03, closed)

Yeah
I'd go with seeking professional advice on this one.

Good luck
(itsOnlyGoingToGetHairier, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:07, closed)

Thanks for the good luck, but to be honest at the moment it doesn't actually affect my life as much as you'd think.
( Sheriff John Bunnell https://twitter.com/thewonderfulgam, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 20:04, closed)

I suspected as much.
The help is there if you (or you and your wife) need it, but if everything is running along ok, then it isn't really a problem. A little odd, but so what, if we changed everything that was a little odd, there'd be no beauty in the world.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 17:17, closed)