I put a prostitue in a microwave once.
But only because I wanted some hot pussy.
(TheAmazingMeatMan ™ can't sing, but he's got soul, Sat 5 May 2012, 23:17, 4 replies)

I hoard kittens
on my internet.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 5 May 2012, 22:28, 5 replies)

Thompson
I was once tasked with the job of clearing out two large walk in cupboards that used to belong to one of our IT Trainers. He has been working there for a number of years before being given the push and clealry had the hoarding mentality. Amongst the gems that I discovered were:

12 Thompson Local directories from 1996, untouched and unused, still in mint condition.
a stash of 8 inch floppy discs
10 Complete boxed editions of Office 2.0 for Windows 3.11, with manuals, untouched and unused still in plastic wrapping.

It wasn't all bad though, I liberated some some cool Mac software as well.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 5 May 2012, 18:56, Reply)

I live with a hoarder...
..and I finally lost my rag over it, after months of promises from her to do stuff about it. She was told in no uncertain terms, ditch the lot, or I go in and ditch the lot. There were tears, a lot of my saying it was tough shit, and eventually, it got done.

I ended up shredding a whole underbed drawer full of paperwork, as well as boxes of other stuff she'd kept under her bed. Masses of clothes, shoes and trinkets she just didn't wear/use/look at for so long, and the clothes were ones she wouldn't fit into now anyway. She didn't want to part with them on the offchance she might fit into them again. We stopped listening, bagged them up, and told her to get them out of the house. It was fucking amazing how much room we got back from getting rid of all her shite. I have absolutely no time for hoarding, not one little bit. My partner and I prefer to have a very minimalist existence, it's utterly pointless keeping things you're never going to use or not.

Now whenever she leaves rubbish about the place and doesn't put it in the bin, I upload it to Facebook and tag her in it, so all her friends can see what she leaves laying about. It's a shaming tactic, might sound mean, but it works. I love her to bits, but she drives me utterly INSANE with her hoarding/messiness.
( Evilsprinkles Shitting glitter, Sat 5 May 2012, 18:03, 41 replies)

lecky cards
remember when the electricity meter had to be topped up with those little blue £5 cards? i had one of those meters for the 7 years i was living in my first flat. i'd put the card in the meter, wait for it to register, then place it on top of the meter with the others.
two days before i moved out, i decided to count the cards. there were 416 of them.
416 lecky cards. worthless, but proof of my spending £2080 to keep the lights on and watcch the telly. i was going to leave them for the next tenant to find but, as the block had been condemned, there wasn't going to be a next tenant. so, i contented myself with painting a large CDC on the living room wall before i left.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 5 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)

Cupboard hell
I work educating the masses. I had a colleague who hated to throw ANYTHING away.

I have a real thing against hoarding- my nan and sister were/are terrible hoarders and so many, many of my hours were wasted emptying the cupboard of crap that accumlated every term.

Top five bits of crap that were not needed but squirreled away

5. Bags and bags of paper work of e.g. medication permission slips. For ex pupils.
4. Bags and bags of soft and knitted toys. The more random, moth-eaten and useless the better.
3. Tins of felt pens with no lids.
2. Bags of sticks.
1. A typed list of wingdings symbols. For reference.
(Medibot, Sat 5 May 2012, 16:26, 9 replies)

Nature/Nurture....some things can be overturned through years of therapy
When I was a child, it became apparent to me from an early age that my mother was a hoarder, and hated to throw anything away. The best thing about her hoarding was "the ironing pile", which was so massive it seemed to take over most of the spare room (she also seemed to be permanently surprised by the concept that as a house wife, it would have been a good idea to do some house work). The ironing pile contained items of clothing that I had long since grown out of, and was an amazing place to hide the really disgusting cardi that some mental old aunt had bought me, or the dress that my mother though would be perfect for the school disco (yes, if I had been 5 at the time, but not as hormonally challenged teenager). It was simple, you claimed that you had worn said sartorial nightmare and had spilled something down it and put it in the wash basket. If you were really unlucky, it might emerge from the ironing pile after about 6 months during one of my mother's guilt ironing sessions, but invariably, it disappeared never to be seen again.

Through her influence, I went through some strange hoarding episodes myself, once spending several years collecting hundreds bus tickets and till receipts (what was I thinking), and had several drawers full of stuff that I may need one day.

Having spent the last 13 years living with someone who is pretty much OCD regarding cleanliness and tidiness, I feel like I have been in a kind of living therapy, and all urges to hoard have been well and truly sucked out of me. Now please excuse me, there is a drawer that need cleaning out in the kitchen....
(Dolly_Diva Dolly_Diva knows what you did..., Sat 5 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)

I hoard porn...
What, don't we all?!?
(Rumbling Bear rumbled on, Sat 5 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Un-intentionally hoarding kettle plugs
I don't hoard them on purpose, they seem to "find" me. I play in a band and after each gig there seems to be more and more kettle plugs in my bag. It's like they're breeding or something. I sometimes use them to power my various franken-pc's I have built from hoarded parts, but the plug to pc ratio increases exponentially.
( Fadgebadger (1 like), Sat 5 May 2012, 14:58, 2 replies)

I have *piles* of old books lying around.
Mind you I am a library.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 5 May 2012, 14:17, 1 reply)

I used to pimp for a popular if incomprehensible Japanese /talk poster

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 5 May 2012, 12:58, 6 replies)

More Stationary Than Staples
Not me but my partner is an avid collector of stationary:
- He has drawers full of 100s of pens only half of which work and most of which he steals - although not from shops. His doctor had to chase after him as he left the surgery having "borrowed" his pen recently.
- He has piles of pads turning yellow on shelves with paper that crumbles if you try writing on one
- He has a huge collection of bulldog clips, rulers, paperclips - you name it.

He's a former civil servant and I was talking to the wife of one if his ex colleagues recently who told me her husband is the same - he even collects restaurant serviettes!

The only useful item in all of this stuff are the paperclips which he uses to clean the wax from his ears - nice!

Length? - about 2 inches once you've created a narrow loop in the wire.
(Pewit does things down under, Sat 5 May 2012, 10:40, 9 replies)

Down in my basement I have four doors, four wings, a bonnet, four bumpers, a front valance, a towbar and a full exhaust for a 1980s BMW
I'm sure I'll make use of them one day
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 5 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Coffee mugs were starting to take over
There were the two I bought just after leaving home, a car club one, one from the Parkes Radio Telescope, two from the Stockman's Hall of Fame, two Spode "Blue Room" mugs I picked up on special, two stainless steel ones that came with a vacuum flask, two made for the 1984 centenary of a family farm and four or five more.

One November I gritted my teeth and managed to give two away and dump two or three more. That thinned the buggers out a little.

Christmas Day, I was given a boxed set of four coffee mugs and another made by Aileen's own fair hand. Gee thanks Christine, thanks Aileen!
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Sat 5 May 2012, 6:59, 5 replies)

I've got some PS2 games somewhere.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 May 2012, 22:28, 5 replies)

Processing.
I was a serial computer hoarder. Not unusual in this company.

What makes the difference (and explains the "was" rather than "am") is that I once tried to build a functioning computer out of all the bits I had hoarded.

The Slot 1 Pentium III chip I'd hoarded didn't fit in the Socket 370 motherboard I'd thought "might be useful". So I hunted on eBay for an appropriate CPU... which came with a motherboard. Having solved that and started putting things together, I then realised the case I'd hoarded had a non-standard power connector and motherboard tray.

One shiny new ATX case later, I managed to fire up my PC of hoarded components. It got no further than a memory test. An investigation of the motherboard I'd carefully hoarded revealed that at some point in storage, the capacitors had bulged and leaked. The board I'd purchased from eBay worked, but was of a much lower specification. I wasn't having that, so a third board was hastily purchased from the world's favourite online auction site. This came with memory. I was pleased, up until I realised that the new RAM combined with my hoard was about four times what any motherboard of this age could address.

Still. At least the storage could legitimately come from my carefully curated collection! Well... yes. If I wanted a computer with a 10GB hard disk, a 5.25" floppy drive and a CD-ROM drive that didn't work. One afternoon of electronics disposal and shopping later, give or take delivery time, though, and I was up and running.

Nearly.

None of the graphics cards I had supported the native resolution of the panel I was connecting this frankenmachine to. Here I lucked out! Someone I knew had a hoard containing a graphics card that was useless for every possible purpose they had, but would work for mine. I swapped it for some of my pointless RAM.

To cut this worryingly elongating story into a handy tl;dr chunk: the only item which ended up coming from my gigantic hoard was a 3Com network card. Which I never actually remember storing in the first place, but I'm pretty sure 3Com network cards spontaneously appear in any critical mass of electronics. I opened my battery drawer the other day and there was one in it.

In conclusion? That comprehensive collection of computer bits that might come in handy one day is incompatible and useless. Defenestrate it with extreme prejudice, accepting that since you'll end up begging, buying or stealing everything anyway, you may as well regain the storage space.

(Says the man who, despite his own advice, still has a K6/200 CPU lying around somewhere. You know, just in case.)
(Timberwolf, Fri 4 May 2012, 22:05, 3 replies)

Fond memories
My girlfriend's family house is, to my eyes, more than generously-sized. But that doesn't mean that every available surface and floor-space isn't crammed full of everything that could ever possibly come in handy, or have done at some point in an alternate timeline.

Inheritance being what it is, and my girlfriend's student digs being of rather stingy proportions for a dormouse, never mind the five occupants, her kitchen cupboards are approaching a physical proof of some culinary maximal-packing theorem. I was giving them a clean-out and re-organisation a few weeks back, when I came across a nice shiny new sieve.

"Finally! You got a new one!" I said approvingly to her. The old one, which had been about a bit, had been a corrugated mess of stiff metal mesh that took an age to clean, shredding to bits any sponge or scourer that made the brave sacrifice of attempting the job.

A little more digging about, and I pulled out... the old sieve.

"But why?", I asked. "Why on Earth would you keep this? It's so unusable that you had to get a new one!" I said as I waved both sieves about in juxtaposition.

"I... I've got fond memories of that sieve...."

Upon my presumably blank stare and uncertain silence, I was further informed that the sieve was a 'family heirloom'.
(rosyatrandom has no regrets apart from all those regrets, Fri 4 May 2012, 21:25, Reply)

While the wife was away...
I decided to clear out the year's and year's worth of New Scientist magazines that had been accumulating since forever.
Couldn't do it.
So I hatched a plan to stash them under the floorboards of the living room. I had to lift the newly laid carpet and saw through a couple of floorboards to create the access hole. Then I wrapped the file cases of the mags in plastic bags (also hoarded) before poking them through and pushing them further and further along. She doesn't know and the latest is that she wants us to move house. I think I'll leave them there as a gift to the new owners.
(karnuvap, Fri 4 May 2012, 19:34, 5 replies)

So it was probably a dirty trick to play..
I am Big D. I collect stuff. It's what I do. I have shelf upon shelf of DVDs, books, CDs...
And magazines.
I never throw them away. There's this voice at the back of my head that keeps telling me "Remember that piece in Fortean Times about the Dyatlov Incident? You might want to read that again. And you never know when you might want to revisit a gig review from 1999"
Give me another 10 years or so in the same place and I'll be one of these crazy mole-men that live entirely in the tunnels bored out of piled-up newspapers.
Anyway, a few years back I had to move home and my dad & brother came down to help. After a hard day's graft from all concerned the last of the furniture had been lugged over, the last box of books stuffed precariously into the new kitchen and the moment had come to down tools and go find some beers.
And then I said "Oops. Almost forgot. And opened up the cupboard in the living room.
Dad and Little Bro contemplated the man-high stack of Classic Rock and Fortean Times and Powerplay and SFX and...a metric fuckton of others.
Dad's shoulders slumped in weariness and despair. A little vein began pulsing in Little Bro's forehead. He gently pushed the cupboard shut and said, softly, ever so calmly, "I need a kebab and some beer. We'll sort this shit out in the morning."
And he walked away.
I don't think he''ll help me next time I move.
(Big D, Fri 4 May 2012, 19:27, 2 replies)

"I'm not a hoarder",
he said, "I'm an archivist".
( 4Q just lurking, Fri 4 May 2012, 19:15, 1 reply)

Several people I know have lofts and sheds.
I KNOW! TOADALLY AMAZEBALLS!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 May 2012, 18:11, 6 replies)

Not me honest guv
When the soon to be Mrs. Funkenschlag and I moved into our current abode we found that, in the loft, the previous resident ahd left a large packing box ealed up. It must have been about 3' by 4' easily. Anyway, upon opening it I found it stuffed to the brim with jazz mags and crap like 'Loaded' and 'Zoo'. Now, bear in mind that this was only six years ago meaning internet based biship-bashing nudey ladies were easily available so...why?

I'd like to think that it gave our bin-men a smile when they found out why the recycling bin was so heavy.

p.s. There was no way I was leaving it all in a bag under a bush for teenagers to find like back in the day. There was tonnes of the stuff!
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Fri 4 May 2012, 17:50, 1 reply)

My middle name should be "It might come in handy one day"
I'm a terrible, inveterate hoarder, of anything which might be useful for DIY / repairs / creative projects. I do actually use the stuff, too; I have a shit memory in general, but if I need to find that bit of odd-shaped spring steel I found in the gutter in 1993, I can probably locate it.

Also like others here, I can't bear to see working tech thrown away. Now, I used to be very interested in home video (steady on), back in the 80s and 90s. Around 1993 I started to get given old VCRs - Betamax and the like - by friends who knew I liked them. Lovely old machines, built like battleships and full of grinding gears and twanging springs. I began to notice more, in junk shops, skips and even dumped in the street. It seemed that, about ten years after VHS had won the Great Format War, the nation was finally having a clear out. I couldn't stand to see these wonderful old dinosaurs ending up in landfill.

My flat started to fill up, especially once I started to try to hunt down the earliest or weirdest ones. And eBay didn't help. These days I don't tend to acquire them, mainly because I've got all the ones that I think are important to make a meaningful collection. I have around 80 of the damn things -- in a dedicated shed, as they're banned from the house!

Due to my website I've also accidentally become an expert - the go-to guy when the media want to know about early video. I've been countless newspapers, magazines, appeared on radio, TV and even been referenced by the government and consulted on feature films. All the old video tech in "Son Of Rambow" was from my shed, for example.

I've debated posting this, because a) I don't want to sound like a complete nerd (anoraknophobia), and b) it's now fairly easy to track me down on the web. Ah well.

I do have a life, really. With real women in it, too.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 4 May 2012, 16:45, 6 replies)

When my Nan died,
we found a box under the stairs, labelled "witless crap people will post on the internet." It's nice to see that it's finally being put to good use.
Prescient woman, my Nan was, except where that bus was concerned.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 4 May 2012, 16:35, 1 reply)

Dad's junk (arf)
When my dad went into home. Me and my sister had the wonderful job of sorting out his house. He wasn't quite up to the level of lunacy that you see on those programs on TV where people can't get into the house but it wasn't far off.

The maddest was the loft It was completely full. There were 3 massive rolled up and fairly worn carpets??!. Boxes and boxes of empty beer bottles and jam jars, 1000's of bottles & jars. Also boxes of Old newspapers and magazines.

Some of the magazines were great though like issue one of computer & video Games and some brilliant serious computer magazines called Computing Today from the70's & 80's when Tandy ruled. The ads are particularly fasinating promising laughable processer speeds & RAM for huge prices. I kept one I may scan some of it in.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 4 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)

VHS
A couple of years ago I found my wife's old VHS player in the loft, along with a box of vids she's recorded off the tv years ago. She wouldn't let me throw them out. I argued that they probably didn't work any more, and that she hadn't felt the need to watch a video in the past ten years.
"i know," she said, "but I might get into watching videos."

They're still in the loft, along with two broken vacuum cleaners ("I might get them fixed")
(dishwaters Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!, Fri 4 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)

Seems like I'm collecting mentally-deficient internet spastics this week
If this sounds like you, sign up!
b3ta.com/calendar/event/24339
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 4 May 2012, 15:57, 4 replies)

Right now my wife seems to be hoarding...
...unwatched episodes of all the slew of new cheapo hoarding-based TV shows that seem to have sprung up over the last few months.
(Chopper3, Fri 4 May 2012, 15:11, Reply)

A/V and data cables and adaptors.
I have a whole drawer full. HDMI to DisplayPort? Can do. Female stereo 3.5mm to RCA? Multiple.

Sometimes I'll be connecting something in an unusual way and think "hmm, I suppose I could add an adaptor to a basic lead" and rummaging through years of collecting yields a purpose-made cable by surprise.

So satisfying never having to pay for a gouge-priced cable upon purchase of a new device.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:44, 2 replies)

My great gran was an epic horder but my favourite find after she died
was a small box labelled "Bits of string too small to be of any use"
( Peej, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:54, 4 replies)