Not I,but my father
Here is the tale of how my father and a complete stranger violated a disabled man.My mum and dad were walking round a local seaside town.Passing a public toilet,my father was asked for assistance.A lady,charged with a gentleman in a wheelchair needed help to get him to a toilet.As this was one of the subterranean conveniences,she couldn't manage him herself.So,my dad and another guy agree to carry him down the steps.That being accomplished,they busy themselves with the nitty-gritty of the operation.Now,the ladies in the audience will see the obvious solution,but these are blokes and how do blokes pee?We use a urinal.
Now,this fellow is quite severely disabled.He can't talk and to be brutally honest,the poor bugger has as many flippers as he should have arms and legs.Obviously,he can't stand at the piss pot.Ingeniously,they decide to stand either side and support him on their legs.So,we now have two fellas propping up an increasingly distressed,handicapped unfortunate.What's the next step,you wonder?The Johnson has to be extracted of course.I forgot who did the deed,but the deed was done and the appendage was duly pointed at the porcelain.They wait a while,but nothing happens.Here comes the real stroke of genius.They decided to jiggle him,whilst they whistled,to encourage him to start weeing.Now,imagine yourself in that situation.Dumb,profoundly disabled,entirely in the thrall of two strangers,having your winkie waggled and being whistled at to make you tinkle.This is where the women are screaming out what they should have done.Eventually,they looked at each other and one said,"maybe we should have sat him on a toilet"
They looked at him and he nodded gratefully,no doubt screaming inside,begging a non-existent God to deliver him from his torment.Anyway,after that,it all gets less interesting.They sat him down and he did his busines and they were on their way.Imagine the story he could tell his kids.If he could speak that is.
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Thu 24 Aug 2006, 0:24, Reply)