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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

* No isms - keep this light
* Non jokes will be deleted and users temp banned
* No nicked jokes - write one!

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
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What is the most famous French cannibal film?
Jules et Jim.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:17, 2 replies, latest was 6 months ago)
What's invisible and smelly?
Smells.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:12, Reply)
Why did John Lennon sing, "I am the Eggman"?
Because he married Yolko Ono.

(sorry)
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:05, Reply)
My scouse uncle does greengrocery deliveries in Shoreditch
He doesn't have a van.
He does avocado.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 13:59, Reply)
What bees leave you paralyzed & violated?



Cos-Bees
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 13:15, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
Herb Garden For Sale
No Thyme Wasters
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 13:04, Reply)
"My dog's got no nose"
"How does he smell?"
"He doesn't. He has nose cancer"
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 12:53, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
A real woman
is equal to her complex conjugate.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 12:10, Reply)
Why are shoes like a naughty greengrocer?
They come in pairs.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:40, Reply)
The ten largest baseball stadiums hold between 46,000 - 56,000 people.
Just some ballpark figures for you.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:33, Reply)
I was in a convent garden when I interrupted a lady talking about Jesus to ask about her large gardening scissors.
It was a nun-secateur.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:15, Reply)
What kind of sugar actually tastes salty?
Alan.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:08, 2 replies, latest was 6 months ago)
A satanist was sad because he couldn't get it up.
He tried blue pills, internet grot, ginseng, indian snake charming... but nothing could make his lazy winky come to life.

He prayed to the dark lord for a solution, and a voice came back "Fool. Seek you the dancing of the lap variety. Hurry ye to the Twirling Butt gentleman's club."

And lo, the gyrating strumpets within cured his slothful goolies.

You see, the devil finds twerk for idle glans.

Pearoast of one what I done on teh links many moons ago....
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:02, Reply)
How many gammon does it take to change a lightbulb?
Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to make a comeback.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:52, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
Contrary to popular belief, Stephen Hawking wasn't a theoretical physicist.
He was real.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:46, Reply)
A horse wearing a disproportionately tall version of a red felt hat popularised during the Ottoman Empire walks into a bar.
The barman pauses for purposes of comedic timing, then asks;

"Why the long fez?"
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:43, Reply)
What do you call an actor who badmouths and slags off those who follow the teachings of the lord Jesus?
Christian Slater.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:39, Reply)
Somebody called me a pepper pot today.
I just took it as a condiment.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:36, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
She gave me her name and address.
I said, "what am I supposed to do with the dress?"
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:35, Reply)
You can say what you like about italics
but at least they made the trains run on time.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:35, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
The police have just arrested some campers.
They were loitering within tent.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:34, 1 reply, 6 months ago)

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