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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

* No isms - keep this light
* Non jokes will be deleted and users temp banned
* No nicked jokes - write one!

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Tue 8 May 2018, 9:00)
Pages: Latest, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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She told me she was a record-breaking 'sprinter'...
...turns out I'm partially deaf and she had one eye looking over her shoulder.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 19:55, Reply)
I thought I was being clumsy when the pig's trotter entered my rectum
but it turns out I was just being ham-fisted.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 18:59, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
I used to get through a lot of Cheese Thins crackers.
Then they brought out 'NEW IMPROVED!' Cheese Thins.

I guess Thins can only get better.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 18:40, Reply)
What do you get if you chop a centipede in five?
Twentipedes.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 17:18, 3 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
What did the verbose goose do when he sat on top of the head of a famous American saxophonist in an autonomous territory (and former British colony) in south-east China?
Honk on G ["Hong Kong"]
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 17:09, 3 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 13:48, 2 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hipsters don't use lightbulbs, they're too mainstream.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:35, Reply)
What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty bus.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:34, Reply)
What do you call an angry hippie?
Incensed.
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 4:27, Reply)
What do you call piles of robots?
Haemordroids
(, Thu 10 May 2018, 0:34, Reply)
Understand doesn't my wife me

(, Thu 10 May 2018, 0:32, Reply)
What did Matt Damon contribute to the Oxfam Fair?
Goodwill bunting
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 23:17, Reply)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was motivated by a compulsion brought on by unresolved chickhood issues. I'm afraid that's all we've got time for this session
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 23:04, Reply)
I was once inappropriatedly touched by the Chuckle Brothers
#MeTooToMeToYou
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 22:45, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
I went to turtle school
but I don't remember what they taught us.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 22:20, Reply)
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a Rolfaroo?
Giant holes all over your children
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 21:42, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Why do beavers have flat tails?
If they had flat heads, their brains would squirt out of their ears.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 21:13, Reply)
Members of ISIS have formed a tribute band in honour of David Byrne's post-punk new wave combo outfit.
They're calling themselves "Taking Heads."
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:57, Reply)
I don't have the correct security details for the tropical fruit fan site
It keeps saying 'persimmon denied'...
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:42, Reply)
What do you call a joke dog turd?
Sham poo.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:40, 3 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
I used to be optimistic
but I decided there was no future in it.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:40, Reply)
I once got invited to a fancy dress party at the Von Trapp's house in Vermont.
My mate went as Homer Simpson, and the missus as a Star Wars character. Unfortunately I forgot it was fancy dress and turned up in my normal clothes.

We were Doh, Rey, me.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:37, Reply)
My wife asked me to treat her like a Princess.
So I drove her through a Parisian underpass at 100 miles per hour.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 20:12, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
What does the Dalai Lama and a box of supermarket chicken ovulations have in common?
Both can be found in eggs aisle!
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 19:29, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
I don't care if you're having rhinoplasty...
...it's no skin off my nose
genuinely thought of that one myself
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 19:26, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Where do hippies go for help?
Tripadvisor
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 16:47, Reply)
What does Kanye West and brussel sprouts have in common?
I hate them
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 16:36, Reply)

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