Facebook
and all those other stupid 'social networking' sites. I don't give a fuck if you are scratching your arse, and if you want to talk to me then let's meet up at the pub. You know, the kind of 'social networking' that has worked for the human race for umpteen millenia prior to bloody Twitter. Along with Facebook etc I would also like to nominate bloody cell phones, especially those ones with the technology to allow people to update their poxy Facebook status.

On the subject of mobiles, I friggin' hate getting texts from people who have keyboard style inputs, allowing them to text at a much quicker rate than my old style (scrolling through the letters) phone. I hate that almost as much as I hate texting in the first place.

On the whole language and grammar thing, I do like some degree of standard English spelling and structure to be used. On the other hand, English is a very dynamic language that constantly evolves. Look at something written a few hundred years ago and it is almost unrecognisable as English. Wrap the language up in cotton wool and it will wither away. There are reasons for English being the dominant language and it has a lot to do with the flexibility of a language built on the foundations of multiple other languages, including 'new' words and spelling.
(ianisme, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 15:08, 7 replies)

Previews
I have a vein-throbbing hatred of previews. No, I don't want to know what's going to happen next week: if I know that, there's no point actually watching it, is there? And, oh look, that character who seemed to have been killed at the cliff-hanger ending we just watched, they're alive and well next week, so setting that ending up was a complete waste of time, wasn't it?

No, I don't want to see all the best bits of the new film: If I did, I'd spend the entire film wondering when they're going to come up, or having a self-induced "spoiler" as I work out what must happen in order for that scene to occur later. Tell me who's in the film, who made it, what kind of film it is, then let me watch the fucking film in the proper order with no pre-knowledge!

The stupidest ones have to be on any show which features funny videos or internet clips. Before the ad-break they preview the clips that are going to come next - thus removing any possible point in showing them again. Then they show them again.

And I really can't understand those "Soap" magazines. OK, so I can't stand soaps anyway, but if I did watch them, what possible reason would I have to read a magazine that tells me what's going to happen??? Doesn't that defeat the whole point of watching it? And - wait - you want me to PAY for that spoiler, too?

OK, I need to wipe the flecks of rabid drool from the corners of my mouth now.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 15:07, 2 replies)

Costly mistake
A few years ago I got very drunk and had unprotected anal sex with a particularly rancid slag I picked up on my way home. This resulted in me contracting a rather nasty STI that caused me to develop an unsightly skin condition around my ears, a condition which has yet to disappear and is fast becoming the bane of my life. Because of one stupid mistake I may now have to live with this for the rest of my life. As you can imagine I now have an ear-rash anal hatred.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:41, 9 replies)

Other people have mentioned thread deleting cowards.
Luckily, when a thread goes missing, it can be retrieved if you know where to look. Here is one such thread recreated for all to see, albeit fragmented. Click for biggerness.

Edit: Actually, just noticed some things are in the wrong order by time.


( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:39, 6 replies)

Post ad break summaries
You'll be watching something classy like wife swap or that one about gypo's and after each break there'll be a two minute roundup of the programme so far as if I've got the memory of lobotomy patient.
I KNOW WHAT'S JUST HAPPENED! TOUGH SHIT ANY MOUTH BREATHER THAT WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION OR JUST SWITCHED OVER. REWARD ME FOR MY COMMITMENT!!!
also that smarmy twunt Jeremy vine on radio two. And radio one newsbeat for it is truly dire.
(dyllon nice beaver., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:36, 4 replies)

Jews
Signed

Adolf H
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:29, 5 replies)

Blindsided
When I left university I embarked on the next stage of my working life a long way from home, amongst the strange and exotic peoples who work and live abroad - a multi-national community of expats in a tourist resort in Spain.

I settled in, I met new people, I did my best to socialise.

And then it happened. I saw her in the administration office one day.

She was petite, with shoulder length wavy blonde hair, soft blue eyes and a luscious figure that I can close my eyes and imagine to this day. She glanced at me and surprisingly held my gaze. She smiled and I felt my heart melt. I decided to “play it cool”. In other words, I blushed furiously and stared at the floor as I stumbled my way out of her presence.

I asked around and found out that her name was Shirley, she was single, she’d been recruited in the UK and had only just arrived that week.

It was an opportunity that I dare not spurn. I could think of nothing but her. I was determined to ask her out. I spent the evening rehearsing what I’d say to her the next day, fretting over every possible detail, which bar to meet in after work - not one of the on-site bars that would be full of loudmouthed perma-pissed tourists, but a quieter one with a nice atmosphere and genuine local charm - which restaurants to suggest for dinner - fresh market fish by the beachfront, the pricey but superb Italian in the square or even the famous (to old hands) chicken shack up in the hills with its fantastic views, if she was feeling brave enough to ride pillion. I made sure my smart casual workwear was clean and pressed.

The next morning, I made my way to the office where she worked, brimming with confidence. I wasn’t going to wait for some random chance to chat to her, oh no. Too many opportunities had slipped through my fingers like that. This was a new world, a new life, a new me. I strode up to her desk, introduced myself and asked her how she was settling in. She looked up at me, smiled easily and told me her name and how excited she was to be working there, everyone seeming so friendly. She sat there, expectantly, waiting for me to continue the conversation, unaware of the toll on my frayed nerves to even approach her. “I kind of noticed you yesterday,” she added nervously, filling a silence that had started to become uncomfortable.

I gazed at her, shattered.

“Oh, so you’re a scouser, are you?” I blurted, my face red not with embarrassment but with frustration and anger at myself for this overlooked detail.

I'm so sorry but I really fucking hate scousers.

It's not specifically the accent, and I don't particularly think they're all unfunny, thieving, over-grieving, self-absorbed, smug, superior, 'world owes us a living' festering skidmarks on the unwashed undergarments of Britain.

I just really fucking hate them.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:25, 7 replies)

footballer speak
Specifically the grammatical diarrhoea that spews forth from Jamie Redknapp as he sits there in a wafer thin tie and reaaaally tight trousers.

"what he done was"

"we got beat last week" etc..

Did you smash it Jamie? Your head that is.
(mcgriffto, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:23, 2 replies)

The big long pause before announcing ..................





the winner .It really makes me mad . I think it's Davina McCall's fault or at least that's where I started noticing it . I'm sure when I was younger it was considered rude and ill mannered to prolong someone's agony for comic effect or entertainment , now you've got time to make a cup of tea while they cut between nervous faces .And anyway , it's not even the best bit , surely there's more of that type of 'entertainment' to be had by showing the crushed bitter angry losers wailing and gnashing their teeth after the announcement .
( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:21, 3 replies)

Don't be scared...
I just scared the lone woman on the 4th floor when she stepped into the lift and then realised I was going up and she wanted to go down. She stepped back out and I said 'You could have come along for a ride, but I guess you want to go down'.

She looked horrified.

I hate being rapey when I just mean to be polite.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 13:51, 8 replies)

People who wander about a supermarket feeding their whiny kids things from packets they haven't paid for yet
I've complained about this before just to be told that legally 'well it's not theft if they haven't tried to leave the store without paying' This is correct.

However the evidence for this happening is that at least once every trip to our local Tesco (without even trying to look for it, while going about my usual shopping trip) there will be discarded half-empty packets shoved in shelf locations that are nothing to do with that product, empty or near empty bottles of pop left in gaps on shelves in the booze aisle (the last aisle in the shop, natch) and people firm in their belief that it's a victimless crime. It's not, it makes ME fucking LIVID.

What's worse is that although I also HAVE occasionally seen working class people hand over a packet full of crumbs at the checkout so that they can be scanned and they do indeed pay for the goods, the middle-class mums who choose to feed their kids pieces of fruit (so much better than those working class mums feeding their obese brats Wotsits and leaving them with a faux orange beard, they tell themselves) yet unless they get their kids weighed at the point of entry and then again at the checkout, explaining "the difference is Papaya" then there is even less chance that they're going to pay for that stuff. All probable justified safe in the knowledge that at least they are keeping the poor Zimbabwean fruit farmer in work. BASTARDS!
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 13:47, 3 replies)

Barely any of these are irrational
but I'm happy to vent.

I work in a supermarket. Customers are, on the whole, lovely. Then you get the wankers: those who lean on my till and invade what little personal space a metal box with a conveyor belt gives me. The people who think they're being *so* witty when they go 'Well I can't carry it' when I ask if they need a bag. What do you want me to say? 'Bring a bag, fuckwit'?

The understandably stressed mothers with three screaming children who then take it out on me because I ask if they want cashback. (Look, lady, it's not my fault you have kids.)

Being called 'darling', or 'love' or the like. Over 60? Fine. I was called 'luv' by a fucking teenager last week. How can you be patronised by someone nearly half your age?

Customers who don't come back when their card is declined. Look, I don't work at Waitrose, I know what it's like to be poor. I hate it too. Don't lie to me and run away leaving £100 worth of shopping - the cold stuff goes straight in the bin and the rest of it takes at least an hour to put back.

No, I will not give you a bottle of vodka for four 'healthy start' vouchers. They are for fresh/frozen veg and fruit, milk and baby formula. Not for you to get pissed.

Your trolley is not a battering ram. I am human and it *hurts* if you go into the back of my legs. The same applies to buggies/prams. (Also, those mothers who don't know the difference between a trolley and a pram. People's *food* goes in there and your kid just spread mud everywhere! It's a food-carrying device, not a portable creche.)

Don't use my name just because it's on my badge. If you feel the need, introduce yourself first. It's rude, and you can't pronounce my bastard name anyway.

But... nevermind.
( Bats, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 13:27, 9 replies)

.
PEOPLE who put unnecessary emphasis on WORDS by using capital LETTERS.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 13:09, 15 replies)

Open Doors..
I dunno I just have to have the door closed in any room im in and it pisses me off when people leave the door open.
(The Hitman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:55, 2 replies)

I Hate!
I HATE! I HATE! I hate Frank Walker and even if he has the cheapest tiles in town I'm not going to shop there. Ever!
(SkoaL, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:36, 3 replies)

"Brush Script" font
I really hate it - it's such an ugly, inelegant font and ubiquitously appears on the side of vans saying things like "Taking care with your deliveries" or "Plumbing done right" or similar.

Contrary to popular thought, I don't really mind Comic Sans, which is perhaps more irrational.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brush_Script
( splorp ®, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:19, 2 replies)

chad 'poodle haired' kroeger
For releasing one song and it ending up on countless rock albumns alongside the greats of Led Zep and The Who.

I would happily club him to death with a 12" dildo.
(bigbear45 scousers are the barnacles of society, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:07, 14 replies)

Billy J Smith
started his radio career on 4GY, then the only pop station in Gympie. I hated the self regarding fat bastard. I hated his voice and I just about hated the music he played. We moved to Ipswich. Who turned up on "Colour Radio" 4IP a few months later? Geez, not him again.

Someone, for who knows what reason gave him the job of Rugby League broadcasts from the cauldron (Lang Park). After a couple of years even the Queensland Rugby League had enough of him and his bloated self importance, and they gave the contract to another station. (Might not have happened that way.) So Billy hired a cherry picker and did his Rugby League broadcasts from the bucket. It's a miracle and a tragedy that the damn thing didn't overbalance.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 12:05, 1 reply)

People, stuff, things.
Before coffee, the cheery tweet of a songbird on a sunny spring morning is enough to make me want to hurt kittens.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:58, 3 replies)

Supermarket
The people who think that it's OK to leave their trolly blocking everything then wandering off to do their shopping.
Evil.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:56, 4 replies)

More grammar
There seems to be a lot of grammar related rage on here. One that bugs me is when people write 'draw' instead of 'drawer' e.g. 'Have you seen the safe key?','It's in my top draw'. Also, drivers not indicating on roundabouts, it drives me nuts.
(spocksdirtykecks, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:50, 4 replies)

Bigoted thread-deleting pasty-wogs.
What is it with those yokels, staying there, hating tourists and getting their jobs taken by gay black transvestite crippled single mothers?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:27, 7 replies)

Christmas
Q: What's my favourite day of the year?
A: January 1st. OK, I've got a raging hangover, but even if I'm puking into an unflushed toilet full of Guinness shit, I'm still as far as it's possible to get from the horror of the christmas season, so I'm doing it with a smile...

Now, I know I'm not the only one to hate the commercialisation & pointless, enforced expenditure on ridiculous rubbish, nor to despise the mawkish, faux-Victorian sentimentality that other people, inexplicably, seem to find so alluring. Is it just me, or should it take more than a bit of cheap sparkly plastic and a few pathetic coloured lights to excite a fully-grown adult?

I also have kids, whose eyes I am prepared to make sparkle with gifts, games and glitter. And I am one who enjoys food and drink, often to startling levels of excess, so you'd think I'd relish the excuse for ludicrous levels of liquid lubrication and lubricious ladling.

But I still hate the whole fiasco with a passion that my wife finds frankly frightening. She's convinced that I must have suffered some childhood trauma -- buggered by a drunken, halitosis-ridden department-store santa, perhaps -- but if I did, it's well buried and I have no memory of it.

Nevertheless, every year around the end of August, when the TV companies and high-street stores start their annual bombardment of trite, sickly christmas promotions, I start to get a sinking feeling. By November I am insufferably grumpy, and have taken to muttering to myself and glaring at people for no reason. And when I hear the phrase "...A Feast of Family Fun, this Christmas on BBC1" I have to leave the room and breathe deeply into a paper bag for a minute or two.

As for christmas shopping, well all I can say is that it's a good job that personal weaponry is not legal here in the UK.

And have you ever tried to NOT "do" christmas? I attempted it, one year (before kids, of course). Starting around October, I repeatedly told friends and family not to get me anything, invite me to anything, or expect me to participate in any way. On December the 25th itself, I did the housework and ate fish and chips (which took some organising!). But the reaction from those around me was negative, to say the least. Apparently, it's compulsory. Funny, I don't remember signing anything, nor having two thirds of my cerebral cortex removed with a junkie's discarded cooking-up spoon.

OK, I think that's quite enough spleen for now. I'm going to go and think firmly about spring: flowers, bunnies, sunshine, la la la

/rant
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:19, 5 replies)

I hate tribal tattoos.
"It's unique, he did it freehand."

"What, some coloured in squiggles like I used to scrawl on my primary school jotter?"
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:15, 12 replies)

ASDA
Or more specifically, fat people in said store. Waddling around in the middle of the aisles and then moving to the side you are going to overtake them on, and then the other. Then possibly stopping in front of you, or stopping in front of the thing you want off the shelf. And there is always a fatty in front of every thing I want, I can walk into an aisle and see the one fatty and know full well that the thing I want will be in front of their big fat sweaty head.
And if they have fat little podgy kids with them.....? Oh don't get me started on that too....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:54, 9 replies)

Cowards.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:53, 25 replies)

Plastic
Those clear plastic wrappers that used to come with biscuits such as kit kats. DVDs are still wrapped in it but it doesn't seem to be as bad as its a tight fit around them. The very sound of it sends chills down my spine. Still pretty irrational as the items associated with it are wonderful, biscuits and films!
(muzzvsworld, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:51, 2 replies)

Injera Bread
Tried this last night at an Ethiopian restaurant.
It has a strange texture similar to cold, clammy dead flesh, it looks like tripe and has a sour taste
The rest of the meal was very nice though.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injera
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:40, 6 replies)

That has just reminded me
I hate Winterval.


what?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, 3 replies)

Irrational hatred?
Well hatred's a bit strong, but I'm not too keen on pi, e or the square root of 2.
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:34, 2 replies)