Here We go...
I live in Sweden.

And while the majority of IQ-related blonde stereotypes are truly blown out of the water here, you occasionally meet a winner.

I will on occasion - in the time-honoured tradition of a story-teller - take someone elses' story and re-tell it. This has given me hours of entertainment while feeding vacuous bimbos outrageous un-truths.

While most lies told to bimbos are of the "I'm hung like a horse and have no diseases" nature, I have no intention of bedding them as I'm not interested in brain-dead boxes of assorted creams. I like my lasses to be intelligent and with a sultry smile and a gleam in the eye.... I digress.

My usual pub-haunt is a well known Irish bar in Malmö. The Pub is by no means a meat-market, but "english men" (try not to laugh) are considered "exotic" in Sweden. We're known to be good lovers and apparently appreciate the "Nordic Form" better than Swedish men do. We have - if you'll pardon the crudeness - a Season-Ticket to the cock-wash.

A friend and I regularly prop up the wall while the other absentmindedly treats the darts board and surrounding furniture to some neolithic acupuncture. The regulars might be sat drinking quietly, and a few might be watching TV, and then there's us: Two Rock-climbers, talking english and throwing darts. We tend to draw the attention of the curious and the horny. We offer no complaint, but every now and then I have to play wingman and deal with the "bimbo" in a duo of girls.

I play with rumours of english culture... I don't enjoy footbal per say... "I just go for the fighting"
I also say I want to bring my kids up in the UK so that I'll be allowed to Beat them.

I even once managed to convince a lass that English people only inherrit their family name until they get a job: At which point their name is changed to the job title. My first job - for example - was working in a Bakery... hence my surname being "Baker"... i explained that Until I was 12 (I got the job at 13 like most other english people do) I was called SensibleNick Fitz-Windsor the 3rd.

Current favourite Bimbo-fired amusement is to use and old gem that I may have first read here.
"What do you do for a living?"
"Well, I'm a naturalist by trade, but I'm currently on sebatical" (words like "sebatical" seem to confuse drunk Scandinavian bimbos and make them believe you)
"Oooh... so, What are you doing before you go on Seba-tickle?"
"I worked for an Antarctic climate review panel, as a penguin-righter".
"A what?"
"A Penguin-Righter: you see, I'd go with the scientists as they flew around in their helicopters, and we'd record the positions of groups of penguins we flew over. Once we'd landed and the scientists started to do their tests, it'd be my job to put no the CrossCountry Skis, and go back to the penguins and put them back on their feet".
"But why did they fall over?"
"Well, there are no other big birds in Antarctica so the penguins never see things go over them... so when a Helicopter flies over them, they look up, and up and then fall over backwards as they try to follow the helicopter's path through the sky... And as we all know.. Penguins don't have knees, so they can's stand themselves up again: That's where I come in...."



The list goes on. My Father taught me well =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 14:45, 5 replies)

.
I would reply, but I'm busy booking a ticket to Sweden...
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:05, closed)

Still laughing.
This story amused me all the way through.

Best name ever as well.
SensibleNick Fitz-Windsor the 3rd
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:17, closed)

Funny
If the Swedish lass I was dating last year was anything to go by, then they're generally a docile bunch but don't quite get irony, despite having a scarily excellent command of the English langauge (I've yet to meet a Swede who can't speak English like a native).

Malmo sounds fun though...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:20, closed)

Quite an
awesome story... incredibly amusing. Although, I have to mention that what you referred to as a "Penguin righter" is actually referred to as a "Penguin vertical articulation specialist" and is one of the most coveted and high paying positions here...or maybe im a liar... either way, excellent story.
(I_Live_In_Antarctica No...really...I do.www.travbuddy.com/mtfd528/blogs, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 3:04, closed)

Penguin-Righter
"Vertical articulation Specialist"

Love it. =)

Irony and Sarcasm does indeed slip off their backs like lard off a penguin...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 11:30, closed)