Not a personal disaster, just a prank
It was one of my girlfriends friend's 18th birthday and he was having a few beers in a pub of his choice (mainly because they'd serve his underage friends - they were in their last year of 6th form). It had a pool table and a jukebox, but was a bit of a dive.

I was driving as I'd nipped in from the way back from work to pick my missus up, so was only having one beer.
Being the cider-monster that I am, I drank it fairly quickly and began to get bored attempting to talk to some of the birthday boy's brain-dead mates. They reveal that he has a plan that, no matter what, he's going to pull tonight. He's even booked a hotel room so he doesn't have to take the lucky girl home and embarrass his mother.

I asked to borrow my missus' phone and proceeded to put the Birthday Boy(I'll call him Billy, for both alliteration and 'twas his name)'s number into my phone.
I started texting him from under the table, the basic premise being that I was a local girl who'd had her eye on him for a while, knew it was his birthday, and wanted to make it a special one for him. I can't remember exactly what we discussed, but it was fairly graphic.

Being a show-off, he was soon boasting to all his mates that some girl was texting him telling him what she'd do to him.
One of them caught me smiling a bit too much and asked why.
I explained, and we proceeded to tell everyone in the pub what was happening, apart from Birthday-Boy-Billy of course.

I told him that I was waiting in a pub down the road, and as I didn't want to come up to the pub infront of all his mates - he should come and meet me.
He was unsure about it - he'd finally begun to think that he might be being setup, but his mates pulled together and did a sterling job of convincing him to go and see her.

Now then, a bit of backstory - both the pub we were in, and the pub poor Billy had just trooped off, to have two doors. One at the front and one at the back.

So while he walked out the front door and down to the front door of the next pub (less than two minutes walk), we all ran out the back door and down the back street to the back door of the other pub.

We're waiting outside, my phone beeps.
Text from Billy - "Where are you? I'm at the pub"
Reply - "I'm just out the back getting some air, come see me"

He walked out, to the sight of 15 guys and a few girls just pissing themselves. Bless him, he went so red.

This could've been posted in the karma QOTW too - I wrote my car off the next day on my way to work :(
Polly Jeez for length
( TY&GN, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 11:18, 1 reply)

legless reminded me
how did i forget this?!

unknown to me we had a new toy at work allowing you choose what the texter name showed as on the victims phone. cue my boss sending me (something like)..

from: MUM

message: I love you. I want to fuck you all night long.

instant 3 second freak out (1 second for shock, 2 seconds for 'who the hell is this meant for?!'. My dad is not someone who would appreciate that text or has a phone anyway) until i remembered i had my mums name as 'MA' instead. oh, and bosses insane giggling.

and the bastard wouldnt let me use it. something to do with how sued we could get :(

i got him back later by sneaking a personalised obscene animation into a set of examples for a pitch but he sussed that. I think he had the sense to check for animated versions of himself sucking on a monkeys ass :D

edit: Legless explains it better than I. I also got texts from god, mohammad and my GF at the time if i remember rightly. Can't remember what they all were sadly
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 9:19, Reply)

The Who
One girl I know had the 'Hope I die before I get old' bit from My Generation by The Who on her mobile.

Unfortunately, it went off while she was having an abortion.
(stuntsmile, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 7:10, 4 replies)

Free Calls!

People are thick. It's just a fact of life.

Years back, there was some discussion on a hacking forum about secret codes you could type into a mobile phone and it would give you free calls. So being a helpful sort of chap I sent in the FAQ of how to do this. It went some thing like:

On a Nokia type:

menu
1
5
7
3
3
#
#
OK

But you have to do it within 2 seconds for it to work.

I sent that off and within ten minutes there were a bunch of replies in the thread.

"Yeah. very fucking funny. My phone is now in Finnish. How do I get it back?"

There wasn't just one person who'd done this - there were dozens.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 5:28, 6 replies)

Years Back
I ran a start-up that allowed you to send texts from Outlook. It didn't go anywhere and folded after a year. But playing with the new technology was interesting to say the least. You see, I could spoof the caller-id.

So I had some fun sending messages from God, 02 Admin, MI5 and other sundry made up names. Because whatever I put in the caller ID would come up on the phone. Good fun. Then I found that, if I put numbers in, then if that number was stored on the target phone then the name associated with that number would come up. Had some merry times with that trick.

Then a mate of mine forwarded me a joke from one of his mates who I didn't know. That meant that I had my mates mates number. So I put that into the caller id and sent the following message to my mate.

"K. I don't know how to tell you this but I've fancied you for ages and would love to take you roughly up the bum."

This caused some considerable confusion with K texting his mate back saying he was flattered but he was straight and his mate texting back saying WTF are you on about.

You see, what I *didn't* know was that Ks mate was gay.


Oh - and using the same technology I accidentally sent 4000 messages, all saying test, to the same number. Completely fucked his phone up as it filled up the memory. So he'd delete the 50 messages and the message centre would kindly send the next batch of 50. Took him days to clear them out.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 5:15, 7 replies)

Nearly lost a friend,
about 18 months ago, when I began having problems with the credit on my little Sagem phone. Up until then, I'd never had any problems with it - it was a second-hand freebie a mate had gotten bored with, it was nearly indestructible (to demonstrate this, my mate threw it at concrete, whereupon the only damage was a slight chip of the paintwork). I didn't have any problems staying within my prepaid limit and it took me ages to use it up! Put it this way, 10 quid would last me about 6 weeks.

Then over the summer, my credit would disappear, in a matter of days. This was a problem because I was in melbourne with my sister, and my parents were in South Australia on holidays, and meant I had no way of contacting them. This happened continually over the summer, I went and had my phone looked at, and the man said I should try not to send so many texts and that my problem would go away. When I told him I'd only been in contact with my parents and my sister for the essentials such as "just got off the train, can't find you yet." he just shrugged.

Okay, thinks I, and I go back to school, only to find my mate J won't speak to me, won't look at me. I'm hauled into my year level coordinator's office and raked over the coals as to why I'd been harassing my mate for the duration of the holidays. Apparently he'd been recieving hundreds of messages insulting him and abusing him, and I'd had no clue. Cue me, very confused and upset, and heading straight to the phone shop after school, wanting to know how it was possible, when the only texts I could recall sending were "merry christmas" and "happy new year!".

It was my sim card. Apparently it was a very old one and was thus, unsecured. This meant that anybody who had the right knowledge and equipment/software was able to use my number and my credit to send texts to anybody they liked. Because all my numbers were on my sim card, it had been a walk in the park for them to harass my friend. Once the technician had worked it out, I was promptly given a new, secured simcard.

Moral of the story: keep your damn simcards up to date if you can. Otherwise this bullshit can happen all too easily to you too.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Aug 2009, 2:51, 1 reply)

"STORM! its the bee's knees!"
you want to get yourself a blackberry mate!

you what mate?.. battery doesn't last a day?, the screen takes two days to flip between landscape and profile?, it spells in american despite being told not to? camera has a delay of 24 hours? ....shite apple rip off? never!

fuck socks! if only i had been told that before i signed up to a two year fecking contract!

length? ..only 20 months to go.....
(babyjak, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 2:15, 2 replies)

My biggest mobile phone mistake?

Getting one of those swish Motorola Razrs.

Length? About 6 weeks.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 22:28, 5 replies)

Ooops!
This morning, I had to drive to a place around 30 miles away to sort out some stuff for my boss.
In July last year, the State of California passed a law that talking on a cellphone while driving is illegal, unless you have a bluetooth headset or in built bluetooth in your car. I have in built bluetooth.

Halfway home, I got a phone call, but the BT didn't kick in, so without thinking I just picked up the phone.....even though the highway patrol was behind me.

Lights go on, I said "oh fuck". Pulled over for the CHP, and when I rolled down my window I just started laughing. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over and I said "yeah, I was on the phone, just write me the ticket".

Turns out he pulled me over because I had a brake light out, so got a fix it ticket AND he hadn't actually seen me on the phone but wrote me up anyway for it.
$20 fine for being on the phone while driving (which in reality comes to $98 with fees and penalties), and $3 for a new brake light!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 22:02, 3 replies)

Like from some terrible sitcom...
At one point in the past, I needing picking up, having not enough money for the bus home. So I decided to phone the ol' grampappy, the unofficial chauffeur of the family.

We exchanged brief pleasantries, and then I got straight to the point.

"Right, I need picking up if it's not too much trouble. I'm standing outside..."

The call cut out there. The credit on the phone had run out the second before I gave him the only information he needed.

I swear that fucking phone planned the whole thing.
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 21:53, Reply)

Bindun?
□
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 21:29, 1 reply)

Oops
My 3 year old was using my works mobile last week to speak to her Mummy whilst sitting on the toilet having a shit. Yep - she managed to drop it down the bog mid-wipe, before any flushing had taken place leaving poor Daddy to fish it out trying not to heave at the mini chocolate hostage that had attached itself to the screen....

Got a new phone from work which I think is jinxed. Only got it 2 days ago and got text dumped last night completely out of the blue. My best mate's girlfriend is having a party next week so I sent a text asking if she had any fit (or desperate) mates going. No prizes for guessing who I accidentally sent it to whilst trying to plead my case for us not to split up.

Times like these I think I shouldnt use modern technology, but seeing how I've worked in IT solving problems on these things for the last 10 years...........
(brocky, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Motorola Brick phone
I once ran over a Motorola 8800X, the legendary brick mobile, with a Sherpa van.
It still worked afterwards.
(ThomasTengsted, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 20:46, 4 replies)

it's a link but the best I can do
I'm sure that everyone is aware of it and I'm ready for the abuse but textsfromlastnight.com
(bluehamster, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 18:24, Reply)

I once found a phone in the street.
I was in Nottingham with my girlfriend where she's at uni and we were walking somewhere (to the cinema I think) when I stumbled upon a silver Nokia N95 lying next to the kerb. It was a little beaten up, some scratches and whatnot but otherwise in good condition. As I was already the proud owner of an N95 I thought I'd be able to flog my new found mobile to a mate. Before that though I had a nosy through the contacts and found a great deal of names that had a Middle Eastern ring to them. There were no texts (or dirty pictures) to my dismay but I kept hold of it and thought nothing of it.

Fast forward a to that evening and me and the missus are sat watching tv when we hear a phone ringing from her room. It was only one of the bog standard ones that comes with the phone, nothing hilarious or comedic here. So I pick up but before I cold say hello I get a tirade of abuse hurled at me by a very deep voice with a thick, Middle Eastern accent. Some of the choice insults I received were along the lines of:

"How dare you steal from me, how fcuking dare you steal from me. Who the fcuk do you think you are stealing MY fcuking property!"

"You dirty fcuking thief, if I ever catch you I'll chop your fcuking hands off!"

After about a minute the bloke ceased to verbally rape me and I thought this would be my cue to say something. Unfortunately I have no witty comment, nor stunningly intellectual insult to put here, for all I said back to him was "Eat shit and die, you cum-dumpster" before hanging up and turning the phone off.

I sold the phone a few days later to a mate. I think the moral of this story is if you lose your phone and then ring it to find out if someones found it, don't be a twat and hurl abuse down the line because you won't get it back for definate.

Length? About a minute and a half.
(CableDolt is on the mind of a girl near you on, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 18:22, Reply)

BlackBerry Fail
I have only one complaint about my trusty device: it's not equipped with a lie detector.

Are you listening, RIM?
( cackers, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 16:46, 3 replies)

Think when adding contacts
My ex was visiting her parents in Newcastle, while I was left home alone. Im normally pretty prudish but decided to push the boat out and send some rude texts. Note to all, never list your girlfriends mum next to you girlfiend in your contacts list. Mum was pretty cool with it, ex, not so.
(Turbo Blackbeard And then squirry the squirrel went nee nee nee nee, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Fred
A friend texted me to say that his horrific ex-wife had tried adding him on Facebook. Without going into the circumstances of their break-up, this shook him so much that he contemplated deleting his account. The text conversation went back and fore; the core of which was me telling him he shouldn't delete his account, just block her.

He's re-married since and his last missive was "and all this on my wedding anniversary too!". This was new information to me so I replied "Oh crikey! Just leave it till the anniversary's done and deal with it next week."

Unfortunately, thanks to the wonders of predictive text, "crikey!" came up as "Ashley!", leaving it very much looking like he was getting advice from Fred Elliot off of Coronation Street.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 15:13, 2 replies)

My ringtone is the beginning bars of Tubular Bells
better known here in the States from The Exorcist. Two things worth remembering:

- First time it went off with a coworker from Chicago he almost shat himself. Apparently the movie scared the everloving crap out of him when he was a kid.
- It rang when I was in the airport in Nashville...you know, Bible belt. The woman next to me looked horrified, got up and moved away. Perfect!
( HairyTwatter certified eel and sodium salesman, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 14:48, Reply)

My First Phone.


The Motorola Startac.
I was about 14 and thought i was the bee's knee's.
I even sent mine away to have the plastic parts replaced with clear ones.
I still have it today, somewhere in the loft, i might dig it out.

Anyway.
I was stabbed for my phone once.
The next time i was mugged for my phone (yes it's happened more than once, i live in a shithole) i gave it over straight away only for the mugger to give it back, apparently it was worthless.

Length? 3 inch blade.
(Margatemug, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 13:54, 7 replies)

Short & not so sweet...
After a frustrating conversation with my angry father I composed a summarising text to my brother stating "Dad is a fucking cock".

My rage fueled flurry of fingers tapping away at little Ericsson ended up sending such abuse not to my understanding big brother 'Dan', but the next entry in the phonebook....

'Dad'.
( the dalai farmer always likes tea, but especially on, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Dropped in it
Have to say, I've never dropped my phone in shit, but it has dropped me in it.
I avoided the whole phone disease for a while, until me wife handed me one of her old phones and told me to get a SIM card in it, because she was sick of people calling her to ask where I was. So I do this, and drop the thing in my coat pocket where I completely forgot about it since hardly anyone had my number. Now at the time, I was no longer riding horses, but I'd still drop in once in a while to see the horses and people around the place. So one evening a few days later I call in, help with the evening feed for the trotters, then wander down the paddocks to see some of the horses I used to ride. One of the horse I'd known for years lay down while I was there, and I sat down and leaned back against her flank, patting her as it got dark. Pressed up to a warm, friendly horse in the dark, I must have dropped off to sleep.
Beeep-di-di-di-di-di-di!
I just had time to think, "What the fuck?!" when the horse thought the same, and leapt up to her hooves! Now bear in mind, horses are big and strong, so since I was still leaning against her side, I get flipped arse over teakettle and launched at some speed. I was skimming along upside down, with my nose about 6 inches off the ground, I could have been seriously hurt!
If I hadn't been stopped by something soft.
Beeep-di-di-di-di-di-di!
In the space of about 3 seconds, I've gone from being happily asleep, to being face down in a pile of horse shit. At least my mouth was shut, but my eyes are burning. Still, I fumble about in my pocket, feeling about pushing buttons on the fucking thing, until one of the buttons stops the infernal noise.
"What!"
"You're going to miss dinner", says my wife, "I bet you're glad I called you."
(ShowPony, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Faeces and Concrete
The guide on my sister's holiday lost his phone in a festy "launch pad" squat shitter in a 3rd world arabic country. Since all the contacts were on the SIM, they watched him lie down on the floor and reach in up to his shoulder to recover the &^%$# thing.
(xixax, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:42, Reply)

I'm sure I'm not the first person to send a picture to the wrong person...
...but I had a seriously lucky escape with mine. Due to a combination of Sony Ericsson phones showing you a list of recent recipients and my handset having a slightly broken joystick thingy I didn't scroll down quite far enough and instead of sending my wife a picture of my monumental erection, I sent it to my ex-girlfriend's daughter O_o

The panic as I realised what I'd done was compounded when I rang her to say "Don't open that text, just delete it!" and got no reply...

Sweating on it for a few minutes and wondering how long to leave it before I rang back, I received a text from her. Opening it with trembling hands I read:

"Hi Kenny. Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I was driving and there was a police car behind me. I can't receive pictures on this phone, what did you send me?"

How relieved was I? :)


/length? Well, it fitted on a mobile phone screen...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:37, 2 replies)

THATS MY COCK AND BALLS!!!
My housemate finds it hilarious to change my facebok status regularly to things like ....has a small willy/is having a sloppy poo/likes children, which i never find out about until i get to work the next day and my colleagues all laugh at me, so knowing he is pretty shit with anything technological I took a photo of my cock and balls on his phone when he left it unattended and set it as a contact picture for everyone in his phone book, and as he is shit with that kind of stuff he doesnt know how to change it, so whenever his girlfriend, relatives, workmates ring him, he gets a good eyeful of my tallywhacker, everytime!! Its been like that for about 2 weeks now!
(lankynyack, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:08, 2 replies)

AIDS
Everyone has AIDS from Team America playing very loudly in a packed hospital waiting room.
(deadly, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Has anyone mentioned Bluetooth tig?
If not, the premise is simple. Write "Bluetooth Tig, you're it!" on a bit of paper and take a picture of it, make sure it can be read when the picture is viewed on the phone. Then do a Bluetooth search and send it to any of the names that'll receive it.

I did it in a pub early one evening. I received it back three pubs and 4 hours later.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 10:57, 8 replies)

More a disaster for my colleague
I've mentioned before on QOTW that I support a certain North London football team that plays in red and white.

Several years ago there were rumours flying around that Arsenal (for it is they) were going to sign Sol Campbell, captain of local rivals Spurs. This was a huge deal at the time, and no Spurs fan could believe that Campbell, who had joined Spurs while still at school, was considering joining the hated Arsenal.

It all went a bit quiet in the papers and most people assumed that any negotiations had fallen through.

Then one day, towards lunchtime, I received a text from a journalist friend telling me that he was about to go into a press conference where Arsenal were due to announce that Sol Campbell had signed.

I just passed the phone across the desk to my my Spurs-supporting colleague.

It's amazing how loud the words "You fucking bastard" can sound in an open-plan office with 40 or so people who have their heads down quietly working away.
(Capo, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 1:34, Reply)