Unfortunately...
I seem to collect restraining orders. Not my choice, but they keep piling up. :(
( Awesome Welles petitioning for foetuses to be rebranded 'wombles', Tue 16 Jan 2007, 18:54, Reply)

Rather than
collect such items such as old computer magazines, star wars toys and other things you wouldn't disclose to a prospective sexual partner or your dentist I have, instead, chosen to collect gold.

Eventually, I hope to create a pile large enough to broodingly sit on, or fill a bath with. I then hope to cease weeping alone.
(cs1ca, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 18:18, Reply)

And I quote (Che Grimsdale, posted below)
"blow pipe in hand" (Snigger)

This could be a new collection - innuendos from QOTW...
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 17:42, Reply)

When I was a kid, I decided to start a hatpin collection.
I gave up after I'd collected one. And then I lost it.
(Pachey, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 17:32, Reply)

Transformers
MV is so sad - I think you should give all your transformers to me...

I used to collect them you see - the old school metal ones of course, my pride and joy was the Gun megatron. Until my Mum decided I was too old for them and threw them all away.

Along with my starwars stuff - including the old (and now valuable) Millenium Falcon.

Gutted? I think I cried. And I was 20 at the time.

Size - still big - why do you think I wear baggy pants?
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 17:17, Reply)

Tubular Bells

I collect records. I spent three years assembling a collection of Tubular Bells (by Mike Oldfield). 100 copies of it.



I love having them as a collection, but ideally I'd like to play them all at the same time. Anyone out there want to lend me 100 record decks? Cheers in advance (:

I've catalogued them all too...

(iivix, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 17:04, Reply)

Her ex
is going to collect a bloody good hiding if he's not careful.

Suggestions for amusing ways to deal with a terminal liar and wind up merchant always gratefully rec'd.

Length? She's never had it so good
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 16:52, Reply)

The classic...
I collect music... CD's only, as I have no record player, and 'cause I know I would quickly bankrupt myself if I started (mmmm, original 60's/70's LPs...I don't even collect 'em and that thought makes me hard...)

Instead I've sttled for CDs, however, I do get the compulsion to buy the entire back catalougue of bands I like.. so far I have: Feeder (including their B-sides compilation which cost me £50 off ebay, damn limited editions!), Foo Fighters, Offspring, Audioslave, Jet, Zutons and have plans for Graham Coxon, Blur, Charlatans, Led Zep, Beatles, the list is fairly long... Can't wait to get a proper job so I can afford it!
(errrggghhhh should be doing something else, but what was it?!, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:52, Reply)

serious, gamebook-related post.
There are a whole bunch of 80s gamebooks scanned here:

www.the-underdogs.info/gamebook.php

the complete Dice Man! Everyone remembers that, right? Anyone?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:44, Reply)

Football stickers
As sad as it might sound to some people, I have got all the English Football league sticker albums (complete) from 1978 onwards.
I have Panini 78 up to 93, then Merlin 94 to 07.
(jamiecg74 WTF is going on?!?!, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:41, Reply)

I collect Communist Parties
But not just any Communist Parties. Only Communist Parties who are led by a cat.

I have one more than you'd think.

cpwcpw.wetpaint.com/page/The+past+and+present+leaders
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:38, Reply)

the easiest collection ever

Collect Trotskyist groups. Just get one, and in a few months it'll have split into dozens!
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:23, Reply)

Che,

I also went to the Greek island of which you speak.

But it was full of Cretins.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:19, Reply)

Pinball Machines
I started to collect pinball machines, I've currently got 3 in my small 2 bed flat and have no more space. They ain't half big don't you know.
(Humungus Fungus, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:18, Reply)

stealing is a form of collecting
I collect stuff when I'm drunk, mostly glasses although I did get a champagne cooler once.

Oh and cigar piercers - I collect those properly ie. I buy them
(toadrunner, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:14, Reply)

Pass the shoe-horn
Hey, at least I try to shoe-horn my stories into the subject…apart from my collection of old memories, this subject reminds me of the collection of people that I found when I went to Crete in the winter of 1984.

Funny how we thought about that momentous year in the years leading up to it (a bit like the millennium), and now it is very much ancient history…don’t suppose most of you lot were even born then…ah me.

Anyway, after leaving Germany in something of a hurry and licking my wounds in Nice for a week or two, I hitched across to Montpellier to visit an old mate from Blighty who was studying for a year at the uni as part of his degree. Had fun there, including having one of the wildest magic mushroom nights of my life and meeting the ex-housemate of my first ever girlfriend. From there, my plan was to catch up with some friends made during the year before finding some bar work in the ski resorts. I took the train to Geneva, wasted a couple of days visiting Lichtenstein (don’t bother) then headed for Innsbruck, where I stayed with an American girl (Sandra) who was studying there and would put me up. I’ve actually consulted my diaries on this, as the little grey cells are a bit un-clear, and it seems I phoned my folks at one point to get all my post sent to me at Sandra’s flat. It says one letter was from Kent (a person), and I can vaguely remember knowing someone of that name, but where we met, what he looked like, where he came from are all wiped clear from my memory. I also had a testimonial from Lloyds Luncheon Club sent to me – an open reference as to my character and barman skills.

The most interesting letter by far though was from Liz. She’d been in my group at 6th form college and I’d met at a party when I was briefly back in London earlier in the year, when she’d broken the news to us that she had just got married at the age of 19, to a guy who must have been early to mid-thirties, after they had known each other for a week. Turned out that it had been a cocaine fuelled week of love and sex and plans. The plan was to move to Crete and open a bar/restaurant there which ought to be ready by winter. In her letter, which was from Crete, she said they’d bought a place and were doing it up and that they were on course to open by December; not only that, but they were offering me a job as barman! Great, I thought, this was a very nice back-up plan if anything went awry with bar work in the Alps.

You can guess what’s coming can’t you? Once Sandra had politely chucked me out, I headed for Grenoble and then Albertville…then Bourg St.Maurice. No luck in any of them; OK, sod them I thought. I’m free, I’m single, I’m young, I’ll go to Crete and take my chances. A couple of days later I was there: Chania on the northwest coast. I followed Liz’s directions and found their house just out of town behind the BP petrol station. No-one there. A girl came out of the petrol station and asked if I was looking for Liz and Bumpy (for that was what everyone called her hubby). Yes, I said; they’ll be back on the bus in ten minutes.

Fine. Ten minutes later, along came Liz – hugs, kisses, - come on in, have some food, have a drink, you can sleep here, etc. I made myself at home and started chatting to Liz. Turns out the restaurant wasn’t ready yet, hoping to open for New Years’ Eve, but there was plenty of work available picking olives and oranges and they knew loads of people that could help. Fine.

Then, in walked Bumpy. Sorry, in staggered Bumpy.

“Bumpy, this is Che” said Liz.

“Have you come to shag my wife?” he slurred, “One of her little friends from home come to sniff around and sneak into her bed when my back’s turned are you?”

Well, I’d had some welcomes in my time, some warmer than others, but this was fairly obviously not one of the warmer ones. Luckily, he was sober in the morning and somewhat apologetic, although he didn’t really remember what he had said. I was somewhat shocked to have walked into a soap opera, but it was, I suppose, a fairly good entrance into the life of that town in the winter season.
After a coffee, Liz and Bumpy took me into town for second breakfast at one of the cafes. There we met one of their friends Roberto. He was about 6’ 4” tall and Argentinian with the rugged good looks of a male model (which he had been) and the bags under the eyes of the heavy drinker the morning after, which he was. In this, he wasn’t alone. I was soon to discover that nearly everyone on Crete – that wasn’t born there – drank pretty heavily most nights; not surprising when a large shot of Metaxa brandy or Ouzo cost about 20p, and when you think about what kind of person ends up picking oranges in Crete in December, i.e. no ‘normal folks’, no students, just a rag-bag of people – male and female – from all over the world. I later found out Roberto was on the run from Interpol for his drug running activities.

He was the first in my collection, next was Roberto’s best friend Ricardo. Ricardo was a pure-blooded South American Indian from Colombia. He had the thick, dead-straight, black hair cut into a ‘helmet’ that is so characteristic of that region and the most incredible body that I have ever seen – and I say that in a purely objective way. His skin was copper-coloured and his chest hairless, though sculpted to perfection. He looked as if he’d been brought up in a tropical forest, walking miles each day for food, scaling mighty mahogany trees, blow-pipe in hand, scooping water from deep leaves, while keeping an eye out for jaguars. When I first saw Jonah Lomu striding around the rugby pitch, bowling over the opposition, it reminded me of solidity of Ricardo. Almost more impressive than his physical appearance though was his presence. He was the most REAL person I’ve ever met, he liked me, and when, in his broken English, he said “ You, friend”, and lightly (but firmly) poked me in the chest and gazed into my face with his shining, black eyes, I knew he would protect me with his life and expect the same from me.

Then there was Kerrie. She was Australian and one of those calm, unflappable Aussie chicks that you find in places like that. A comfortable size 14 with lanky blonde hair and blue eyes. I shared a room with her for a week or so – purely as friends, but it did give the local gossip mill something to chew over, especially as she was probably early 30s and I looked late teens. She eventually tied up with Andreas, who was a 22 year old Swedish burglar, who told us tales of Swedish jails, and had an impressive bunch of keys which would allow him to enter virtually any property he wished.

Next, the girls. Three girls that had met up in Crete and formed a close-knit ‘family’. All in their early 20s, Laurie was Canadian, from Prince Edward Island, quite serious in a Canadian sort of way. She fell in love with an Iranian lad who, I fear, was after a visa or work permit rather than a long-term commitment. Traudie was German (West German, in those days). She had short blond hair and I fancied her fairly badly. She fell for a Scottish toe-rag called Dave, who was married to a French woman – he’d left her at home looking after the baby. He also tried to nick my walkman. Lastly, Renata: she was Brazilian, but didn’t look it, if you know what I mean. She was small, had short, curly blondish hair, no chest but a large bum and wore little round glasses years before they were trendy. She was lovely though and liked to give people massages (including me) and sing songs. We had many a heart to heart talk about this and that, life etc.

At one point I moved in with the girls and spent one memorable night in a single bed, sandwiched between Laurie and Traudie, all with our undies on, though mine were stretched the tightest as I tried to avoid poking Traudie on the arse with my member, while Laurie nestled against my back with her small but soft breasts and my knees and thighs rested against the back of Traudie’s curled-up legs.

Bumpy was a complex guy and I learned a lot from him in a funny sort of way. Being a fair bit older than most of us he seemed wise. Looking back, I suppose he was, but no more so than I was at his age. The trick is to surround yourself with youngsters when you are about 30, so that you can use that extra decade of experience to put yourself in a good light. He told me some things about myself which were probably true, and made me take a long hard look at myself. I didn’t like all I saw, but wouldn’t have swapped much either…except my ability to talk to girls I didn’t know.

Talking of which, I fell in love in Crete. First time for about 18 months. A tragic tale. Her name was Malene and she was Danish. Not a tall, blond Dane, but a petite, very pretty, curvy Dane perfectly Che-sized and shaped and she loved me too. Just one problem, her boyfriend from Denmark was arriving in a couple of days and although it clear to both of us that she didn’t feel as strongly towards him as she did to me, she didn’t feel able to commit to me as he was travelling a long way to join her.

Finally there was Che. He was a quiet young guy from London, wore black DM boots and an army surplus coat. When not listening to his walkman or reading Sartre, he’d be scribbling in his diary or writing his famous novel. He was fairly funny and worked hard when the occasion arose. He got on well with most people but would often go off by himself for some solitude. He was a bit of lost soul really. Didn’t know what to do with his life so was killing time by living hand to mouth and having ‘experiences’. I think all he really wanted was a girl to call his own, who he would love, and who would love him forever. In the end, he was drinking too much – on New Years Eve he couldn’t remember anything past 9pm…he said some hurtful things about people he thought he liked so decided to pack up and go home.

It would be June before he got his end away again….
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 15:09, Reply)

er, slightly disappointing really.
I collect fours.

So far I have three.
(bastardboy loves his mummeh, but hoo is daddeh?, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 14:36, Reply)

Record collectors of the world unite
I've got a rather meagre-but-growing collection of 12" singles and LPs sitting on my wall at university, currently specialising in New Order, Morrissey, and The Smiths. I'm also collecting CDs (over 50 now - not very many, but I only ever buy a CD I'm likely to listen to more than twice), games consoles, the games themselves, old computers (Acorn for the win), and Warhammer 40K.

I've been accused of occasionally having a life but strenuously denied it.
(Vulpine or something, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 14:27, Reply)

pink hats
This morning I realised that I have inadvertently started a collection of pink hats. (This isn't a euphemism for anything frankspencerist, btw).

Not as exciting or versatile as the vast collection of empty cans of Mountain Dew (remember that!) that I had at uni - you can't build a wall out of four pink hats*, or if you could it wouldn't make a lovely jangly crashy sound when you jumped on it.

Now I think about it, people actually used to leave empty Mountain Dew cans outside my door.

I don't know if it was because they wanted to add to my collection or whether it was because they couldn't be arsed to find a bin.

Still, I'm grown up now.




* am sure the late Ronnie Barker would make a great joke out of this somehow.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 13:52, Reply)

Beer Glasses
I seem to have a compulsion to 'collect' any interesting beer glasses from the many drinking establishments I attend.

My biggest haul was a stack of 8 pint glasses down the sleeve of my jacket.

One day I'll get caught....

Woo! *pop*
(BringOutYourDead Bi-polar, the sexually adventurous bear, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 13:38, Reply)

Vinyl
For years I collected vinyl records. Soul, funk, fusion and northern soul - many of which are now known as "Rare Groove".
I kept them in good condition and thought that one day I'd get a fortune for some extremely rare items. It never happened - CD compilations and readily available MP3s dstroyed the cachet of much of my collection.
Still love the smell of vinyl though...
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 13:17, Reply)

I have more Transformers than I know what to do with
It started when I was about 18, I rediscovered the joys of Transformers through the internet, through started reading online scans of the old comics...I bought a couple of older ones (Blaster was one I had always wanted, and it was never available in the UK when I was a kid) and a couple of the newer "Beast Wars" Transformers that were available at the time. A few of my university friends were also into them, and we would sometimes go up to the Star Shop in Leicester to get all nostalgic about the old toys they had for sale there. Then my girlfriend bought me a couple, and my sister got me an Optimus Prime for Christmas, again, something I never got as a kid. Pretty soon I had quite a few toys on my mantlepiece.

Then I joined a couple of TF message boards and made friends there, eventually meeting up with some of them at a comic signing at Forbidden Planet. Around this time a lot of my friends from school were moving out of their parents' houses and I was donated a lot of boxes of old toys and comics to add to my now-rapidly-growing collection. My best friend scoured car boot and jumble sales, picking up some remarkable bargains and then each birthday and Christmas presenting me with a huge box of robots (this year was no exception, he gave me around 20 figures, including one of the biggest ever produced).

Right now I've probably got 600+ Transformers, I've hosted a convention and produced a convention-exclusive fan comic, I have a complete set of videos, DVDs and comics, 6-foot tall cardboard cut-outs of Optimus and Megatron, and tons of other stuff that I realistically don't have space to keep in my flat.

This year being the year that the long-awaited live action movie comes out, I have been considering selling the lot in the pre-movie hype and buying a house or something with the profit, but I know I never will...after all, what's a house without any Transformers in it?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 13:09, Reply)

regretful non collections: extended QOTW?
being bikerish (like liquorish tho' slightly less black) I collected all Easyrider magazines from the late 70's on...until my divorce, which came after collecting motorcycle parts and putting them together in the dining room to make a 70's chopper! collecting biker 'ladies' and collecting sexual experience away from the missus of that time until she decided to collect divorce papers (she's got two v. expensive sets) and houses...
So I lost the easyrider collection each early mag is now worth between 100-200 septic dollars, kept some biker ladies but lost the house= regretful non collection.

length? don't use japanese condoms...
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 12:56, Reply)

I'm going into shock...
I collect random wierdos

which is ironic really, as I'm severely allergic to nuts :(
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 12:55, Reply)

I collect Disappointments...
...categorised as 'Minor', 'Bitter' 'Crushing' or 'Fucking Heartbreaking' depending upon intensity.

Well I don't collect them as such, more that fate collects them for me and delivers them right to my solarplexus, often with some force.

Maybe I just set my sights too high?
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 12:54, Reply)

Frankspencer...
Do you also have the Frank Richards Classics "Billy Bunter Cums for Christmas"?
Oh and "Billy Bunter deposits an 8 Roper over the French Mistress's Face and Hair"?
They were seminal classics when I were a lad...
(LunarJim, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 12:50, Reply)

why oh why?!
Ok, so this is going to see me put in the 'weirdo' box, but maybe i can find some kharma!

I've collected stuff all my life, and i don't really know why. When i was a young kid i collected crisp packets, something my parents still tease me about. Why?

Then i collected comics, and kept them in boxes thinking i'd read them again in retirement?! Why?

Travelling all over Europe with the folks, i began collecting foreign coins and notes. Now they all sit in a folder at my folks place. Why?

Carrying on from the above, i now collect countries. I've visited 60 so far, and will be doing more this year. not so much of a why, as i really enjoy this one!

When i got a PC after Uni, i got every Game ROM i could find for MAME Emulator, and played them all, once. I still have them backed up on DVD's never to be played again. Why?

This is where the weirdo thing comes fully to the fore. I have a fetish of sorts for women in knee boots. My Harddrive at home is full of pictures collected off the net. I actually saw a psychiatrist about this, and turns out i was probably crawling around women wearing them as a nipper. Cheers mum! Again, Why?

N.B. It should be noted i do actually maintain a normal life despite the above with friends and even girlfriends!
(EveningVicar, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 12:40, Reply)