Scientific study of blobness
When the Tampax woman came to our school for The Talk, I was rather amazed when she told us that we lose around 1/2 cup of blood per month. I asked how she knew this and did someone have to sit on a cup for 6 days *snort* She said they just collected the used tampons and weighed them. Soaked weight - dry weight = 1/2 cup of dead uterus apparently. Ok, I'm sure you can work out what I collected. I put them all into a big Nivea tin as we didn't have any scales at home. Then I completely forgot about them. 2 weeks later I remembered, but they had gone all blue and black.
(bonjelafiend, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 23:55, Reply)

Furry claw holders
I collect paws (pictures of, that is) and I've started putting them here - www.paw-nography.com
(dreadedhen, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 23:14, Reply)

Clothes that don't fit me anymore
In chronological order...

Clothes - size 6 - 12
Shoes - size 7 - 9
Bras - size DD - B

Gah.
(Peelmytangerines, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 20:48, Reply)

Smartie Lids
When I was about 14 until the age of 19 I kept the lids off tubes of smarties. I kept them in a little tin, and green ones were my favourite. You used to be able to "shoot" people with them if you squashed the tube fast enough, sort of like an extremely pathetic air gun.

Note that I didn't consider myself a weirdo at this point, and that I've just thrown out shitloads of stuff that I've been hoarding over the years so that I can make my flat all nice, ready for selling.

I notice nowadays that they've binned the lids and have a stupid cardboard enclosure now. Spoilsports.

Obligatory knob gag.
(powersquirrel, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 20:26, Reply)

This is gross, don't bother reading.
Quite a few years ago my feet went a bit manky for a while, with hard skin constatnly peeling off the soles, new skin growing, getting hard, cracking, and peeling off again.

Guess what I collected in a jar? Go on, guess.
( SqueakyG, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 19:24, Reply)

chocolate/sweet wrappers
For some reason, betwixt ages 11 and 13, I collected all the covers of all the chocolates and sweets that I consumed. Since I had a huge assortment of relatives/friends who travelled all over the world, this was a fairly interesting collection. Of course, it seemed strangle when I used to pounce on some poor soul at school consuming some chocolate, as if I was bullying them for a piece, only to politely ask them to not rip the wrapper and would they please hand said wrapper to me.

After some years, I voluntarily threw the collection away after a steadily-increasing odor from the smeared wrappers started to disgust my family.
(sunbomb, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 19:19, Reply)

From one ring to another.....
When I was about 10, I had what I thought was a huge collection of key rings which were all hung up on hooks on my bedroom wall. Very boring I know, I'm sorry for that.
However, many decades on, I now share my broadband internet connection with my neighbours, via WiFi, and everything they access is logged in my firewall, so I now have a huge collection of porn URLs.
( turb0t, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 18:30, Reply)

The X-Files (you know, I'm not even ashamed..)
This is my first post, but I felt the geekiness of my collection deserved some public acknowledgement..

I used to be an X Files fan.
I have every episode on video. I used to tape them all off the tv, I have some episodes from BBC2 dating back to about 1995. I had similarly obsessed freinds in America who used to send me the new episodes (in crappy NTSC format) as soon as they were shown (pre-broadband days obviously!). I bought a new video player that could play both PAL and NTSC so I could watch them. Course the picture quality was awful so I'd have to tape a new PAL version when they were shown over here.
I've also bought all the seasons in the box sets, and I have all the single videos (from before I could afford the box sets). I have three different versions of the movie (British release, American release, rental release) all on video.
Recently I've started getting the DVD box sets too as they've been on sale in HMV..

I have the action figures from the movie (full set inc boxes) and I bought a T-2000 action figure from Terminator 2 so I could have a John Doggett when he joined.. I have an old video display from MVC with full-size cardboard cut outs of season 5 Mulder and Scully. I had about six different (some official, some not) t-shirts and two hats (one that just had the X on, one that was like Max Fenig's hat..).

I used to buy all the sci-fi magazines, back in the day they always used to have X-Files covers, SFX, Cult Times, X Pose, and I used to get them sent over from America too, like if TV guide had them on the cover. My favourite was when Gillian Anderson was on the cover of Curve (gay lady magazine in the US.. she may be married to a man but I'm still convinced..). I had signed photos of Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny.
I had all the posters, official ones and video or other release ones from MVC and Our Price including a "trust no one" poster with the flying saucer. My room was literally covered in posters, including the celing. I also had a plaster alien head. That wasn't official but he used to wear the X hat so it looked like it.

I never went to an X-Files convention, but I did go to a Stargate SG-1 convention because Don S Davis (General Hammond/Scully's dad) was there.. I got my picture taken with him.

I could go on, but it would be best to leave it at that before anyone at work sees what I'm writing about and never talks to me again...
(niftyshellsuit, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 14:29, Reply)

Not me, but a friend
He had the entire Action Man paraphernalia and all the Action Men - and this was the first time around when Action Man came with a decapitated Viet Cong head rather than mincing around as the camp gym intructor he is today.

Anyway, he had helicopters, tanks, parachutes, cross bows ... and the full range of Action Men: the scarred one with the fuzzy red hair, the one who had the cord in his back and said, "I'm gonna blow your fuckin' head off", and the token ethnic one who might have been Latino, or just dirty.

But ... and this was the bizarre thing ... he never played with them. He just set them up in a dramatic tableau and looked at them. No-one was allowed to touch them, so they just sat there gathering dust. His mother dislodged an armoured troop carrier with the hoover once and he became apoplectic with rage. They had to give him a piece of wood to bite down on.

How I longed to play with those toys. I had a rip-off action man. When you pulled his cord, he said "Excuse me, meister - me want hurt you badly." Not the same thing at all. I crucified him on a dart board and threw darts at him. These things happen in war ...
(frankspencer, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 14:20, Reply)

Mmmm ... mucus
While at Uni back in the early 90's I developed a delightful chest infection which had me cooped up in bed for a few days.

During this time I managed to collect a pint of snot from my lungs - it was a lovely bright green colour that had an odour like a tramps arse on a hot day.

I tipped it down the wall outside my bedroom window as I thought it too thick to tip down the bog and there it stayed for months

Ah, good times
(mrmatt is staging a 'dirty protest' on, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 13:52, Reply)

little shoes.
You know they're gonna find the skins of young kids drying in his attic, swarms of horseflies going in and out of the eaves, and on CNN over and over, his wife going, "I always wondered about Jesse's collection of little shoes …"
(waxdart hello., Wed 17 Jan 2007, 13:24, Reply)

Sentimental crap
I have hotel brochures, champagne corks and the dried petals of every rose I have ever been given (which I intend to use as confetti when I get married) amongst many other silly sentimental things in boxes.

I think I went too far when I saved the condom wrapper from losing my virginity and stuck it in my diary. Not exactly something to show the grandkids, is it?
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 13:10, Reply)

collection of anti us posters from korea
thrillingwonder.blogspot.com/2007/01/anti-us-north-korean-posters.html



length not the issue; longevity is.
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 13:06, Reply)

had
I had over 400 scratch'n'sniffs.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 12:53, Reply)

Scabs - Made for each other
When I was little I used to collect the scabs that you accumulate on knees, elbows etc when you are running around playing soldiers and the like. I used to wait to they were just ripe then pick them off: you want just a bit of gooeyness underneath as I recall.

I even made my own special lego box with a flip lid and a clear plastic brick (which was rare in those days) so I could admire them.

The best thing is that the soon to be Mrs Gusof recently confessed to me that she had a strange collection when she was young. Yes, she too used to collect her scabs in a box. That sealed it for me. Getting married later this year.

(She didn't eat hers though; philistine).
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 11:45, Reply)

Gah
I'm off to MVs place to restart my collections. Heh heh.

Size? Well, it may be cold, but you know it's still big ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 11:13, Reply)

Man Utd Programme Collections - i have run out of coke
may wish to look away now! told that tale of woe to my brother, an avid collector, who says:


"Decent utd programmes from early 50s are normally worth around £30 to £50 each, sometimes more.

Certain matches are worth about £100 cos of significance, eg. Close to Munich disaster.

Therefore assume 25 home games per season, average £30 each in the 50s would be £7,500 ball park figure for the 50s alone. Heh heh. Possibly more. The 60s to the 90s are worth less each, but still a significant amount in total."


oops. maybe you should sue??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 10:34, Reply)

James Tiger Woods
I may be sad - but as well as a room full of Transformers I still have all my Star Wars stuff too, including the Falcon and two (count 'em!) AT-ATs :P
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 10:13, Reply)

The Splendid Oaf
Good points well made. Just pointing out the easy way to do it, meh.

Its not so much the level of humour, more the violation felt by being drawn into Frank's tangled web of pornographic rambling. you want to stop reading, but cannot.

Still not any bigger...
(Neostenine's maker, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 9:55, Reply)

I used to collect
Google jpegs, you know the special days of the year that google changes the type set of it's name on the main search page and they make little pictures out of the letters.

After a couple of pc scratch installs I lost too many & had to give up. God knows why I did it, perhaps I thought it would be worth something in 30000 years :(

sad = check
geeky = check
pointless = check

do I win?.......no
(Baron Greenback Still in Sunny Singapore, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 5:01, Reply)

well i'm aquiring. . .
lots of things that seem to be going wrong
mainly with my brain
sex drive
and life in general


it's not a collection i want but its better than std's or that so at least i'm one up on the chavs

flacid penis, its relevant and not funny
(classic-spastic, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 2:29, Reply)

Makes people look at me weird...
I collect knives, blades, etc. and unlike many such collectors, I collect not due to decorations, but as to how lethal, functional, and beautiful I find the blades. Obviously the handles and hilts must be well made and functional, and fit the overall appearance of the whole, but I could care less about them or the sheaths.

Then I try to convince people that I am actually a very calm, and peaceful person, and I find knives to be art. Deadly art, but art nonetheless...

I have well over two hundred of these things, at the sheer amount of sharpening gear I have is also quite scary, but I think it isvery Zen-Like to sharpen my deadly art, so...
(soldierofmisfortune I ain't broke but I am badly bent on, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 0:52, Reply)

Collections
As a kid, I used to collect stamps and coins. Now I collect transit memorbilia. I have several old badges, signage, and about 3000 35mm slides that i have (Mainly subways and streetcars). Most of my friends think Im nuts. Which of course I am.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 23:45, Reply)

Balls
In secondary school I decided to collect those balls you get in ink cartridges for fountain pens, only I decided to fill an empty cartridge with them. I cleaned all the ink off everything and it looked pretty cool.

It all went quite well and I filled the cartridge up to about halfway with the balls. Took a while though, and then I left secondary school (thank fuck!) and started using biro. So I'm a bit screwed on finishing my collection.

Oooo "up to about halfway with the balls" there's another one for your collection Apeface. Well it sounds rude to me.
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 23:12, Reply)

Puns
I collect awful joke books I have hundreds of awful joke books some actualy are unbelievably crap for example:
Q. what did the grape say to the elephant
A. nothing grapes can't talk"

This may be mildly amusing but not when there are thousands like this

Q. what did the cat say to the rabbit?
A. Meow

There are at least ten jokes like this per chapter (each chapter consists of about 5 pages) This is just on of the joke books not even the worst I have at least fifty of these books when ever a releive sees one they buy it for me and the more I get the more they believe I enjoy them. I enjoyed them when I was about 8 I am now 15 and funnily enough not quite so thrilled with them.

Insert crap jokes about inserting jokes about penis size and losing virginity.
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 20:54, Reply)

Sort of
My grandad died, and all I got was his absolutely complete, mint condition, collection of Man Utd programmes for every game played, home and away, from 1950 to 1995. A complete 45 year collection.

When I went to Uni, my mum threw them all out.

I still haven't dared to contemplate/investigate their worth today. It would make me cry.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 20:37, Reply)

A nice little story for you all
My tongue ring got infected the other week - that taught me to follow the useless advice of my mother in law
"Awesome sickie off work - put some of this shit I got from this godawful restaurant last week in your mouth - it'll make your tongue look awful enough to get off work, but you won't feel ill!"

My wife (a total fookin mentalist) egged me on, and as we had been intense friends and she was my first and only love, I mused “Why the feck not”
My wife was great at convincing me to do things – I was once thought a sex offender cos some stupid tourist found us canoodling in a bush after she suddenly had the horn.

Anywho, on the drive there, I thought I would increase the road rage my wife was experiencing (due to the incompetence of the old geezer in front using his sat-nav) by playing the game I like to call “Driving instructor”. Every time she did ANYTHING that could be remotely construed as ‘bad driving’ I’d tell her;
“I’m sorry madam, but you have failed the test”.
However, due to my schebobilified (my slang for ransacked) tongue, it came out as;
“Am thorry mamam, bu oo a hait he tetht”

Well we got to the dentist, and as it was an emergency, (my tongue was huge and swollen, much like my…balloons I got from a weird teacher of mine….and my cock) he saw me straightaway.
“I’m afraid we need to put you under some powerful local anaesthetic to remove that ring of yours”
“You old people talk so much bollocks” – squeaked the missus – “Just use fire. Could work, you never know”
Having given her a scathing glance, my dentist, ignoring her instructions and administering the knock-out fluid, replied
“Listen, I’m the expert, he trusts me to do this more than you, correct?”
As he was holding a big needle, I agreed wholeheartedly – I had to explain to the dearest later that
“No darling, it wasn’t me, it was the drugs talking! I’d love for you to remove my infectious tongue ring with fire!”

What with all the kerfuffle and the rather busty dental nurse, I started to find the situation (accidentally of course) erotic. My wife, on seeing my quickly-expanding member shouted
“Now there’s no need for that” and did the most awful thing that really hurt my rude bits. It was this event that lead to her dumping me most spectacularly a few days later. :(

Now that was a bit of a shit story, but its relevant cos




I've now shown off my collection of QOTW Answers!

Prize for spotting all of them
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 20:33, Reply)

Even Mr Lawofnations doesn't know this
When I was about 10 or 11, I started collecting fluffy bugs. You know, the little furry pom-poms with eyes that have a ribbon sticking out of their bums saying "I escaped from Twycross Zoo" or something equally amusing. I don't really remember why, except that one day I worked out I had about 20 and that constituted a good start to a collection.

Labels were made and affixed to their feet, with a 6-7 digit classification number. A letter denoting whether I felt the bug was male or female, then a serial number (01, 02, etc - had to go round adding extra 0s once I got my 100th bug), then a three-letter code that uniquely defined the bug in question. So if it had a name, like Squiggle for example, it might be SQL or SGL.

Each bug was catalogued on one page of A4 lined paper - I drew a picture of the bug in colour to show its most prominent characters, put in measurements and observational notes on its behaviour and occasionally "married" a bug off to another.

I put this display of utter anal retentiveness down to the fact that, even at the age of 10 I was a frustrated palaeontologist, and this was the closest that I could get to a museum collection.

I am also collecting masters degrees. I have an MA, an MSci and an MRes. If I stuff up my PhD I'll have an MPhil too.

And the MRes is in taxonomy and systematics - collecting and classifying living things.
(Mrs Lawofnations, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 19:49, Reply)

err apeloverage
the cats a member not a leader so you indeed have not got one more than anyone thought..oh well.....

i collect errors...
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 19:14, Reply)

Pound Coin Tails
I did start collecting one each of all the different type of 'tails' on a UK Pound Coin. I had quite a good number, always getting excited when recieving change.

I thought this would be a unique collection, but then I grew out of it and used them to buy sweets.
(dani_B Bollocks, Tue 16 Jan 2007, 18:58, Reply)