Hangover symptoms
I'm collecting hangover symptoms this morning, so far I've got:

Cold sweats - Check
Hot sweats - Check
Nausea - Check
Brain crushing headache - Check
Panic when I thought I'd lost my wallet - Check
Ability to still taste alcohol - Check
Check of outbox for many drunken texts - Check

Size? I believe so ;-)

PS workboresme - nice cats :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:20, Reply)

My Mum...
...collects beads. Yes, beads of the strung-on-a-necklace variety. She does a sideline in buttons too. She's been hoarding them for years.

She goes to car boot sales and buys anything beady she can find, then meticulously dismantles her acquisitons and harvests the beads. She now has quite literally millions of the fucking things, and has organised them using almost a dozen of those workshop-type screw-drawer units.

When she has time, she makes (admittedly quite cool) necklaces, bracelets etc for family and friends. But she doesn't have the time often, and the collection just keeps on growing.

I've actually figured out why she does this - it's the same reason as why I got into IT. Thing is, life is chaos for us and always has been (I doubt we're unique in that respect), and it seems that those things over which we can impose some semblance of order are a comfort to us.

I love my mam, but I worry about her sometimes. I didn't return a call from her for a couple of days this week, and three of my mates texted me to tell me that she'd called them asking if I was okay - I'm 34, FFS :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 9:36, Reply)

I collect cats.
So far, we have 3. I dare you not to go awwwwwwww at the little buggers

How can you not want to snuggle up?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 6:52, Reply)

I like to collect small electronic parts
Y'know, like resistors, LED's, capicators, transistors and the such. I've got thousands of the buggers. I used to horde them with the hope of one day building a giant robot capable of squeezing the juice from a melon with it's eyelid so I may drink it for breakfast.

I have a hobby of replacing parts in electronic devices just for kicks to see what it does. I also like to leave the smallest and spikiest components randomly dotted on the living room floor for my dad to tread on barefooted. Endless hours of fun! Other than that, I really have no practical use for them.
( Snapper "That's what she said" - retort of the week, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 4:58, Reply)

I've got the complete set of NatWest piggy banks too
Although it wasn't really me who collected them, it was my parents when I was little.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 0:27, Reply)

I collect dust
I collect it in a cup, so far i have approximately 2cm deep of dust.
I did start a collection of ear wax, in the attempt to make candles... but it fell over and got stuck to the carpet :(
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 0:19, Reply)

playing army
I used to (secretly still am) collect and build Warhammer. Some of you may be familier. At the end of the day its grown men playing army because there to soft hairy an weedy to join up (hey it links with the image challenge)

Therefore as to amend my sins an pathetic existence i am joining the RAF regimant. As an officer.

basra here we come.
(dirtyfukinmanc I swear the sheep was awake, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 17:47, Reply)

bogies and pencil sharpenings
There was a girl at school who collected pencil sharpenings and as you sharpened your pencil, she would stand next to you staring intently until you handed it over.

oh and she collected bogies and kept them on the wall in her room.

(my boyfriend has both length and girth)
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 17:46, Reply)

Thursday silliness - thanks Frank Spencer...and Terry Wogan
John goes to the post office

Chapter 1

It's a lovely spring morning and Janet and John are having breakfast. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Who could it be? Ah, it's the courier service with a parcel for John.

"Oh goody," says John, "this must be the new Czerwimkievk variable speed drill that I ordered."

"Oh good," says Janet, "now you won't have any excuse for not doing all those jobs that need doing around the house, will you?"

See John's smile fade as he signs for the parcel. But what's this? It takes both the delivery men to lift the package from the van and bring it into the house. John scratches his head as they drive away and fetches a crowbar to open the crate.

"Oh golly," says John, "they've sent me the wrong model. This is the Czerwimkievk pneumatic road drill. Bother!"

"Well John," says Janet, "you'll just have to return it after breakfast."

Chapter 2

See John sweat as he pulls his little cart up the road to the Post Office. The bell over the door tinkles as John pulls the crate into the Post Office.

"Gosh John," says Miss Trimble the Post Mistress, "that's a big crate, what's in it?"

"It's a Czerwimkievk drill," says John, "but it's the wrong one, and I need to return it."

"A zerwic...zwimk...zerkwim... I can't pronounce that John, is it foreign?" said Miss Trimble, "and besides, that crate will never fit through my window. You'd better bring it around the back, through the small brown door."

"OK Miss Trimble," says John, as he struggles to drag the crate through the doorway, scratching up a large trunk as he does so.

"Oh dear," says Miss Trimble, with tears dripping from her eyes, "you've scratched my Grannies trunk. She died last week and left this to me in her will. I don't even know what's inside it, as I haven't got the key."

"Don't you worry Miss Trimble", says John, "I've got my trusty Swiss Army knife with me, I'll have it open in a jiffy, as soon as I dislodge my crate from the doorway." John kneels down and works on the lock with his knife, but it is rusted up. "Could you give me a hand please Miss Trimble" pants John, as he struggles with the lock. She does, and it soon pops open.

"Oh my," says Miss Trimble reaching into the trunk, "just look at this lovely piece of jewellery John, could you dust it for me please." She opens a faded velvet box and shows it to John. He puts away his penknife and dusts it for her with his hanky. "Thank you John, you are so helpful" she says, and gives John a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, I must be going," says John and he skips out the door and runs all the way home.

Chapter 3

"Hello Janet," pants John, "I'm back from the Post Office."

"You look a bit hot and bothered John," says Janet, "and is that lipstick on your cheek?"

"Well," says John, "when I got to the Post Office Miss Trimble was surprised by the size of my parcel and she couldn't get her mouth round my tool. She said it wouldn't fit in her front entrance and so I had to squeeze it through the brown entrance at the back. It brought tears to her eyes as it was a tight fit but I managed to dislodge it alright. Then she showed me her big chest and asked if I could undo it for her. I had a go with my tool but needed some help, so she gave it a tug as well. I think she was pleasantly surprised when she saw the pearl necklace but she asked me to give it a wipe with my hanky. That was when she gave me kiss on the cheek for being so obliging."

Oh look, Janet's crying now. Do you think John should offer her his hanky? I don't.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 16:18, Reply)

I had ALL the Halifax Piggy Banks...
Then, my mother, in all her wisdom told me they were dust collectors and that i should give them away...

I gave all away apart from the baby... WHICH THE BITCH BROKE WHILST DUSTING!

the cow!
(likeajackhammer, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 15:25, Reply)

hehe, I love work emails
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to get over. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



The moral of this story is:



Always keep your collection of condoms in your car.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 14:20, Reply)

Breasts
One of my best mates likes to wear those cold chicken fillet- breast-enhancy things when we go out. Trouble is couple of glasses of wine and a few boogies later and they get less than comfy so I get the duty of carrying them in my bag as it is normally bigger than hers (fnarr). I have quite a collection of breasts now, all sans nipples though so perhaps not as exciting as it sounds.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 14:18, Reply)

my new collection is words that other people have made up
and i'm starting with "hopingless"

thanks to quibble for that one.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 13:49, Reply)

Normanator - that story knocked the wind out of me
to have an almost complete vintage starwars collection destroyed...I cant comprehend.

I think I am in shock...ubergeekshock to be precise.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 12:16, Reply)

not me but
mr happylittletulip is a classic hoarder. he has a compulsion to acquire copies of things he already has (blue check shirts, guitars, diy tools etc etc).

This includes loose change in little receptacles. One day I decided to round them all up and count all the money, like the King in his Counting House in that rhyme.

How can anyone just have £360 lying about their house in loose change and not notice!!!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 12:12, Reply)

Star Wars stuff
I was a fairly spoilt child. Over several birthdays and christmasses I managed to get almost every single bit of Start Wars stuff going, including all the original figurines like Han Solo, Luke Sywalker (Tatooine and X-Wing pilot), Leia, Chewbacca, Darth, C3-PO R2-D2, Yoda, several Stormtroopers and Obi Wan as well as a Millenium Falcon, AT-AT, X-Wing Fighter, Stormtrooper transport etc etc.

After I grew out of playing with that stuff I was still rather chuffed at having this massive collection and when e-Bay first started and all these rumours flew around about how much original SW stuff was being sold for, I thought "Sweet - that's the retirement fund sorted then!".

But no, this wasn't enough for some people. My dad decided to let my nephews play with it. And they destroyed EVERY. FUCKING. ITEM. I. HAD. Now they're not evil kids by any means, they're reasonably nice now that they are teenagers, but I have lost a fortune due to my dad and my brother letting them have anything they want. Bitter? Hell yeah.

I now collect obscure rugby jerseys. I got China for Christmas, currently trying to get a Pakistan one from my mate who played for them.

I'm off to cry over my AT-AT for an hour.

I also collect length and girth jokes.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 11:39, Reply)

Weird things that clients have sent me
I sell advertising space in classical music magazines. Advertising clients often operate under the misapprehension that I have a great deal of influence over editorial content, and send me stuff for review. Most of this is crap and not at all suitable for our publications.

On my desk for several months sat a CD of the Bach Cello Suites. Very nice, you might think. But not if they're transcribed for descant recorder.

Every so often I would get up from my desk and wave this CD aloft.

Me: Who wants a copy of the Bach Cello Suites?
Colleagues: Ooooh, yes please!
Me: Arranged for recorder
Colleagues: Oh...um...no thanks.

I couldn't get rid of it, and couldn't bring myself just to chuck it in the bin. Eventually I wrapped it up and put it in my mum's Christmas stocking as a joke.

So far on my desk this year: an entire catalogue of children's books, only one page of which is music-related.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 11:30, Reply)

Books
I also collect books. I have many of them. I especially like the really long ones that are full of factual information. My favourite at the moment is "The Yellow Pages" - so many pieces of true information in there. I recommend it
(angelica666, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 11:19, Reply)

Loose change
As a lad I was saving up for a radio control car. You know the type you make yourself and cost an arm and a leg. My Dad intervened with the bribe of going 50/50 on an Amiga computer so I never got one.

Anyway, whilst saving up I discovered the change machine at the local swimming pool.

Every time we went there for school PE I'd change my newest savings into copper coins.

SO, after many many months I had a shoe box containing £120 in copper coins.

This had a double whammy effect;

It was too bulky/heavy for me to spend any of it so I avoided temptation. Plus it REALLY pissed off the man at the local post office when I decided to pay it all in to my savings account :-)


On a side note, during one extended pillaging of the change machine I exhausted it of coins and to my dismay it only dispensed 2 x 1p coins for my 10p instead of 2 x 1p + 4 x 2p.

I was gutted at the 8p I lost for every one of the 5 coins I put in before I noticed. I think that was when I decided to stop with the copper coins.

Length? It took him about an hour to count it all and I held all the pensioners in a queue!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 11:06, Reply)

Morbid
When I were a lad, my friends and I were into Action Force (GI Joe to our Yankee cousins).
We would collect anything we could get our mits on. Then, we'd take the screws out of their backs, perform a sort of plastic autopsy, then rebuild custom people, six million dollar man style, you pick a head, and arms and so on.
So we had hugs plastic bags full of tiny limbs to mess with. More disturbing though, was that for each, we'd build an acompanying corpse. What I mean is, an exact replica, liberally decorated with Humbrol model paint (red of course) which I stole from my brother's airfix models. This would give the appearance of your guy as a corpse. Occasionally for added effect we're remove a leg, just below the knee, or even an arm. It all added to the illusion of the battlefield. I actually found a small bag of parts about 2 years ago in my shed. Never did resurrect any of the old boys.....War is hell.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 10:52, Reply)

Kinder Surprise Toys
I've been collecting the plastic tat found within the most scared of all confectionary - the Kinder Surprise. Those eggs are such good value for money. You get the chocolate, you get a surprise AND you get a fantastic little toy to put together. I have hundreds. I'm convinced that in years to come they'll be worth a fortune. Well, people aren't gonna keep them are they so they'll become rare and thus valuable. Antiques Roadshow here I come :-)
(angelica666, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 10:49, Reply)

Beer Towels...
At School we used to collect beer towels to furnish our studies with... most people hae the standard ones, Guinness, John Smiths etc...

Justin however decided that he needed a Stones one, and decided to write to the stones Brewery...

"Dear Sir, I have recently started to build my own bar at home. I host many parties and have a good deal of friends who like to drink quality beer. Having surveyed my more frequent guests, It has been decided that I shall be stocking Stones Bitter as the beer of choice.

With this in mind, I wonder whether it would be possible for you to supply a couple of beer towels and some beer mats to add to the "stones experience" and atmosphere.

Best regards,

etc..."

It appears that he underestimated the generosity of the Brewery. 1 week later Justin got home to find a rather large box on his doorstep with the following note.

"Dear Justin, following your letter we take great pleasure in delivering a thousand been mates and 100 towels. You will also find 48 cans of assorted beers from our brewery for youtr sampling. It's a shame you were not in, we sould have very much liked to see your bar!

Best Regards,

You can imagine the shock on the 14 year old's face!

Stones Brewery."
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 18 Jan 2007, 10:10, Reply)

In a jam jar....
About 4-5 years back when I had been made redundant, and had nothing else to do all day except surf the internet and talk to people on IRC, one particular discussion started and from this I wondered how long it would take me to fill a jam jar with semen. So basically I collected my own jizz. At intervals I would show pictures of the varying stages of fullness of the jam jar to various people in the adult chat rooms.
( turb0t, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 8:40, Reply)

Collections are the difference being
buying what you need, and buying what you actually think you need, irrespective of practical usage. Therefore I have not enough shoes and far too many guitars.
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 2:43, Reply)

Scientific study of blobness
When the Tampax woman came to our school for The Talk, I was rather amazed when she told us that we lose around 1/2 cup of blood per month. I asked how she knew this and did someone have to sit on a cup for 6 days *snort* She said they just collected the used tampons and weighed them. Soaked weight - dry weight = 1/2 cup of dead uterus apparently. Ok, I'm sure you can work out what I collected. I put them all into a big Nivea tin as we didn't have any scales at home. Then I completely forgot about them. 2 weeks later I remembered, but they had gone all blue and black.
(bonjelafiend, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 23:55, Reply)

Furry claw holders
I collect paws (pictures of, that is) and I've started putting them here - www.paw-nography.com
(dreadedhen, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 23:14, Reply)

Clothes that don't fit me anymore
In chronological order...

Clothes - size 6 - 12
Shoes - size 7 - 9
Bras - size DD - B

Gah.
(Peelmytangerines, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 20:48, Reply)

Smartie Lids
When I was about 14 until the age of 19 I kept the lids off tubes of smarties. I kept them in a little tin, and green ones were my favourite. You used to be able to "shoot" people with them if you squashed the tube fast enough, sort of like an extremely pathetic air gun.

Note that I didn't consider myself a weirdo at this point, and that I've just thrown out shitloads of stuff that I've been hoarding over the years so that I can make my flat all nice, ready for selling.

I notice nowadays that they've binned the lids and have a stupid cardboard enclosure now. Spoilsports.

Obligatory knob gag.
(powersquirrel, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 20:26, Reply)

This is gross, don't bother reading.
Quite a few years ago my feet went a bit manky for a while, with hard skin constatnly peeling off the soles, new skin growing, getting hard, cracking, and peeling off again.

Guess what I collected in a jar? Go on, guess.
( SqueakyG, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 19:24, Reply)

chocolate/sweet wrappers
For some reason, betwixt ages 11 and 13, I collected all the covers of all the chocolates and sweets that I consumed. Since I had a huge assortment of relatives/friends who travelled all over the world, this was a fairly interesting collection. Of course, it seemed strangle when I used to pounce on some poor soul at school consuming some chocolate, as if I was bullying them for a piece, only to politely ask them to not rip the wrapper and would they please hand said wrapper to me.

After some years, I voluntarily threw the collection away after a steadily-increasing odor from the smeared wrappers started to disgust my family.
(sunbomb, Wed 17 Jan 2007, 19:19, Reply)