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I got off with a rather mental, but stunningly attractive 19 year old Mexican-American model with the greatest breasts I have ever seen, or ever will. She showed me pictures from a shoot she did in the snow, wearing nowt but a fur coat and Fuck Me Boots.

We drank a lot of tequila that night and Little Mr Coke wouldnt come out to play despite a lot of effort.

That was about 8 years ago. You have to understand that since then, my major wank fantasy is about a night that actually happened, only didn't.

So "my first experience of a porn" star (ok topless model) was spending the night with her, naked, and not being able to get it up. I also haven't forgotten her sneaking out in the morning without saying a word, and without looking back.

One day I'll look back and laugh. One day.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 1:31, Reply)

long time ago
I would have been about 10 or so and i came into the possesion of a hard core mag,being of such tender years i knew not what it was really about but upon discovery by my dad he burned it in a iron bucket in our back yard.

These days i have such a vivid imagination i dont need scud mags or films : )
(shug, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 23:12, Reply)

Innocently looking up Backstreet Boys websites...
At a public library. I hadn't discovered Google, or any form of search engine at that time, so my "searching" involved me taking pot shots at what a site's address would be.

www.Backstreetboys.com - Nothing. Hmm, let's break down the name then.

www.Backstreet.com - Nothing.

www.Boys.com - BINGO! A wonderful not-so-little free gay website, filled to the brim with men in what can only be described as "interesting" poses.

Because it was a library computer I was viewing it on, it ran a little slow. It went even slower when trying to get the fuck off a gay porn website. Librarian pokes her head around the corner to see why my little face had gone ghost-white.

I've been banned from that library for eight years now.
(EasilyRecognisable I’m back baby, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 23:02, Reply)

My Uncle is Dutch...
.. I stayed at his place one school holiday when satellite TV was still in its infancy.

"Watch what you like" he laughed as he left the house to go and take drugs in a corner café with naked girls who inserted bananas into their vulvas.

So the first channel I switched on presented me with what looked like a close up of a Mars bar with all the chocolate picked off..

How strange, I thought, especially as this scene was accompanied by lots of straining and grunting noises...

It was only when the Mars bar seemed to fall out of whatever was suspending it in space,and the camera panned out that I realised it was a rather large turd that I had been looking at, hanging out of the arse of a German man, and he had just deposited it into the mouth of a, supposedly, German woman, who seemed quite pleased to find it there.

Other channels were showing Hogtying, Rimming, Felching and Golden Showers.

My Uncle returned in the afternoon to find me enjoying the Matinée film "Roy's Nut Hang, (Extreme Male Genital Torture)", which as I remember was a real tear jerker.
(LunarJim, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:58, Reply)

Eurotrash

( WormuIus, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:53, Reply)

Like many girls
probably Forever by Judy Blume after that it would've been a case of good old analogue Sky I think.
( moogy boobles, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:52, Reply)

The five-minute freeview
My first experience of porn was at the age of about 11, when my Grandparents got Sky (proper old sky, with scrambled channels and VOX). I stayed at my grandparents' from time to time and soon learned that after TNT, another channel started. Unfortunately there was little more than an erotic-looking blur, but for a sacred, preceeding 5 minutes, there was the "5-minute freeview". Although I used to get to stay up late when I stayed round, the chances of me getting this past the oldies were nil (only the main telly had sky and we always watched that), so I had the idea of learning how to programme the video recorder. I asked my grandad if I could 'borrow' a tape and he kindly gave me one and labelled it "George's Tape". In hindsight he was probably trying to be kind. I found I could programme the VCR to record sky while we innocently watched BBC1, as long as I left I on the right channel...

The next time I was round, my Grandad, Grandma and I were watching a film. The room was pretty quiet....far too quiet, for at 11:55pm precisely, the classic VCR sparked into life; CLICK...WHRRRRRRRRRRRRR... for precisely 5 minutes. It was a noisy machine. At 12am on the dot, it gave another few clicks. My granded turned to me as he changed the channel to see what was on sky. I did my best nonchalant look. Only then did the tape player spit out "George's Tape" as the blonde on screen waved goodbye.
(YourLocalGP, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:46, Reply)

Memories
I remember once, when I was young, free and single (about 17), I was giving my mate JH a lift to the local cinema. On the way I bought some Porn and had to delicately explain to him, with the help of "visual aids" where ones cock went - LOL. He also worried that if a girl sucked a bloke off and had diaohrea she could get up the duff - LOL again. (Not that I was experienced, but at least Im not a cunt !)
(kitescreech still here, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 22:31, Reply)

First 'Nice thoughts'
I suppose watching Pans People/Legs & Co etc in 1977 (aged 4) on Top of the Pops 3 inches from screen-Parents said'I don't think we need to worry about him'.....
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 21:43, Reply)

Sex Ed.
10 Year Olds. Sex Ed.
Recipe for destruction.


Because my school was a wee bit shite we were shown videos from the 80's. The unintentionally hilarious ones.

I remember there being an incredibly dodgy animation where people were in bed doing the deed and the voiceover saying "an orgasm is a warm, tingly feeling that goes over the whole body."

She was not wrong.


I also remember there being a naked girl running into her parents bedroom and then her mother walking out of the room, then her dad coming out holding the girls hand.
While they were all completely starkers.
I feel sorry for the 80's children among you.


Apologies for shit grammar.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 21:34, Reply)

I hear you ZZ
I used to feel the same way about QVC.
(LunarJim, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 21:06, Reply)

LiveTV
anyone remeber it? it was channel 13 on ntl
as a boy of 12/13 watching it with my cousin and when he went to the toilet i had the best wank ever.
there isnt a day goes past i dont think about that channel
(ZZ, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 20:36, Reply)

Sex kit
I am not quite sure of the age, probably about Year 9, when I went round to my friends house one day only to find that he was rather curious about something that he found in his parents room. He went into his wardrobe and pulled out a metal suitcase and proceeded to open it to reveal a whip, some erotic crackle dust and various sex videos. I asked him if his parents would miss it, but it turns out he had thought of that and replaced the metal suitcase with an empty identical one. We had a look at some of the videos, there was a copious in and out motion of what was to be a man's penis going into (and out of) and woman's rude parts, I later found out out this was called sex! My friend decided to eat some of the erotic crackle dust to see what it was like when his mum came in and asked what he was eating, "sherbet" he replied! Apparently it tasted nice, but I really was not up for trying any. I suppose it was quite late on in life to discover porn but I had a sheltered childhood.

Thank you and goodnight!
(Rt Hon Quargflax, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 19:02, Reply)

apeloverage,
I belive that is a blatant rip off of the film, "the cunt for red cocktober"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 19:02, Reply)

when I appear in porn
I'll use the name Ted October - partly because it sounds like a porn star name, but mostly to enable the title "The Cunt for Ted October".
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 17:16, Reply)

Actually..
Bet he made his co-star sing then.
(LunarJim, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 16:42, Reply)

re Racetraitor - and being in porn
Slightly off topic but . . .

I was walking down the street with my singing teacher and a couple were looking at a poster in the window of a naughty shop. The poster was for a porn film and had some very mild screen shots (the actual film is as dirty as hell). Stopping close to the people looking in he announces rather loudly,
"See that picture on the right? That's me that is."
And it definitely was. That made a few heads turn!

His is enourmous.
( Actually i was skiving on, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 16:32, Reply)

Huge t'nuC
my first teaching job was for a charity working with special needs kids in a converted church in portsmufff, its friday s'arvo & so its personal/social edukashun = sex. and I have the projector all set up, of knobs, blobs and groove, so's i can point out the relevance... I start up with the horses collar and begin: here is, the, (well I think it's here) clitoris, the labia and...i'm interrupted by the head blokie who tells me that because I've got the screen on a little dais, I'm projecting a 6ft Gash into the world=old folk heavy bus stop on t'other side of the road.
godd job i didn't get to the wang eh? be the first real stiffy those cobwebbed clefties'd seen in years
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 16:00, Reply)

Daddy?
"What's that?" asked my young son as he burst into the bedroom.
"Mmmmbbbbrrrggg," said my wife.
(frankspencer, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 15:54, Reply)

Putting my "serious" hat on for a moment
My wife made an interesting point about Porn last night.
She postulated that all porn is exploitative as it puts the women and, to a lesser extent, the men involved in a position of exploitation, and it encourages violent crime against women and men to use them more as objects than people.

When I say interesting point, it didnt stop me carrying on wanking furiously to "Buttman goes to Rio", before depositing a Peter North style 8 roper across a photograph of her mother, much to my wife's chagrin.

You cant please some people.
(LunarJim, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 15:33, Reply)

Racetraitor
I've been an "artist's" model a few times - does that count?
(Flutterby doesn't give a damn about her reputation, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 15:08, Reply)

I reckon I was about seven or eight
and the kid across the street was a spoilt brat about a year younger than me. One day we went into his mum and dads room (his dad was in jail at the time as I recall) and from the bottom of the cupboard he pulled out a stack of magazines, somewhat on the graphic side.Incidentally a friend of mine showed me her collection of eighties porn the other day and I would say those jazz periodicals I first saw would have been razzle rather than penthouse. At the time, I didn't pay a great deal of attention to the somewhat scary, hairy, underdressed ladies, I was more interested in trying to figure out how Ironhide transformed and where his head was.

This same kid and I used to play games in the bath featuring darth vader and his willy (the kids willy that is, not darth vaders)

this might help explain why I was so late in taking an interest in girls. Might also explain why I started taking an interest in chaps, mind you overdosing on long island ice tea isn't exactly an aid to heterosexuality

length? not at that age


btw I should note that all this was his idea
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 14:53, Reply)

I found some ASCII nudes
under a


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 14:39, Reply)

Another first
I packed up and moved to South Korea a little over three years ago. A lot of my stuff got left behind, including my modest porn collection (which I think my parents have since found after cleaning out my storage space). Still, not safe to travel here with it.

I was picked up at the airport at 4am by someone from my company. He dropped me off at a motel where I slept until 5pm the next day. The room was spartan, just a bed, a funny red light that never turned off, and a TV.

I clicked the TV on, to be greeted with the sight of a Korean couple going at it like a pair of jackhammers. This was on channel 4. I was pretty surprised they'd be showing softcore porn at 5pm on a weekday on channel 4.

This was nothing like softcore back home; the sex wasn't simulated at all. They just positioned themselves so you couldn't see what was going in where. Very amateur.

Later on I found out that channel 4 was a feed courtesy of the motel, which turned out to be an infamous love motel. Also, sometimes rooms like that have a hidden camera to film the couples who show up to bone at the motel. So who knows, maybe I was watching the people who stayed in this room before me.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 14:29, Reply)

I'm disappointed
that nobody on here has admitted to being in porn yet.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 14:24, Reply)

Bump And Grind
I was once treated to the sound of my parents 'at it' one night whilst trying to get to sleep.
It involved a lot of bedspring noise and grunts, mostly from my mother, I was surprised to note.
It affected me greatly, I mean you only have to look at some of the posts I've been making here.
(LunarJim, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 14:14, Reply)

Not porn as such, but...
My first experience with graphic sexual matter was finding my parents' copies of 'The Joy of Sex' and 'Sexual Happiness for Men' while hunting for Christmas presents (a common event I notice). Joy of Sex was the proper sixties hairy-man version, but it was rather well thumbed, so much so that it was actually in several pieces. I 'borrowed' both books and hid them under my mattress.

Shock horror months later when housework had been done: they'd turned my mattress and found the offending articles (at least that's what they said: I think they'd actually spent months looking for their manuals). I then got The Talk: 'If there's anything you want to know, you only have to ask us. We're happy to be honest and open about it.' I ran.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 13:12, Reply)

I found a magazine about trees
under a sex shop.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 12:44, Reply)

Oh Dear!
Back in thye day when PC's started to become affordable to middle-class people (such as me, and by me i mean my dad) we bought a custom made PC, it was THE BOMB!!! It had a huge monitor etc. After a couple of weeks we got connected to the internet, the 1st time we EVER opened a web page was a momentus occasion, therefore me, my dad, my little sister (about 9 Y/O) and my 70 year old nan, gathered round to see it! the 1st page what opened, and i still canot figure out why it opened, was www.chubbiechix.com (or something). With these fat munters with big gaping cunts right in the middle of the screen. I sniggered, my little sister had a look of confusion, my nan was thoroughly disgusted, and my dad stood up quickly and blocked the screen and did one of them *cough, nothing to see here* things, it was soooo funny.
Guess you just had to be there...

Brand new PC - £1200

Dial-Up internet connection £15 (per month)

Look on Nans face and dads method of dealing with embarassment of fat gaping cunts in front off his 2 kids and mother....fucking priceless!!!
(dudley Laughing at other peoples misfortune since, Wed 31 Jan 2007, 12:42, Reply)