I wish I still had it!
When I was pretty young I'd seen Playboys and such that my friends' dads had, but my first experience when I was old enough to enjoy it was when I was about 12.

My brother had recorded a bunch of the Police Squad episodes off the TV. One day, by myself, I found the tape in his room and decided to watch it.

I put it in the player, the first few seconds of the opening credits with the light on top of the car played, then the screen went fuzzy and up came..."The Naughty Nymphs!"

It was quite educational. I learned that my semen was a normal color, but the Naughty Nymphs seemed to star men that were growth hormone experiments gone horribly wrong (or horribly right!). I felt quite inferior with my "little buddy."

I had to wait several more years before I got to try out any of those wonderful, wonderful things I saw and I wish I still had the video.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 20:29, Reply)

Hidden Porn
Not the first, but the most recent.

Much to the wife's amusement every time we check into a hotel, I spend a good 15 minutes searching the place, looking for hidden porn.

I can't remember who told me about it, but they said in most hotel rooms, business men would buy porn, then hide it in a standard place for the next guy to find and enjoy. Kind of like Porn Geocaching.

Now I've never managed to find any at the places we've been at (unless you count the $10 a minute stuff on the pay-per-view).

Moving into our new place in Kensington Gardens Square. I've never thought to search for porn in new apartments.

Moving the bed and what do I find? A cache of lesbian porn. Later viewing revealed it to be lesbian porn from the 70's.

Also on my cleanup, I find a label from some medicine. An anti-fungus cream for women.

The real estate agent came over for the inspection, and commented that it was a single girl banker living there before. Okay the porn choice makes sense now.

I let the wife know about the finds when she gets home, lesbian porn & fungus cream.

The place came semi-furnished.

This leads to be a bit of a mad cleaning frenzy as she imagines fungus covered lesbians having sex on bean bags and the kitchen table.

At least the place is clean now.
(Kaer, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 20:29, Reply)

slow start
Maybe a magazine found at the park, then some internet print outs hidden in the woods, effentually became quite the efficient user of usenetbinaries.

nothing great

"hooray for first post!"
( Krog3r has acquired some deceant lurkage, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 20:16, Reply)

uni!
Yep, in university was my first pr0n experience. Wassat? A bit late in the day, you say?

Not at all friends, not at all. This was in the golden internet age when Netscape 2 (or 3; can’t quite remember) was hip, this 'Internet' was the newest drug & craziest drug going, and people would gather from afar just to 'surf' in the luckier spots of the UK that were ‘connected’.

Father excitedly told me one day that we’d be going ‘surfing’. ‘Excellent!’ thought I; ‘finally, I shall experience this alternative world!’ Basically, it turned out that his mate could get us into the uni he was going to, so off we went one rainy Saturday.

I spent the whole 1 and a half hours of sitting in the back seat imagining what exciting things I’d discover ‘online’ when we arrive. I mean really, even now, it sounds like a bit like getting high or something when someone says they’re going “to surf the net”, or “get connected” – as mundane as it might really now be. You can do anything at all; talk to someone 12,000 miles away, get information on anything, laugh, dance, and cry with other surfers also taking this bold new drug.
We arrived. I sat in front of some dirty 486 box with a dusty 14” CRT glaring at me (those were the days). My dad’s mate shows me the ropes – “This is Netscape; it’s your browser...” (like it a fucking air-hostess or something), and so on. “Right, you’re all set – enjoy the net!” – and he leaves me to my own devices.

And so off I went...just ‘surfing’, for about 2 mins & 30 seconds... until I realised, you could type 'sex' and other such phrases into the search box on the homepage, and behold at what true wonders the Internet held!

Indeed, fellow B3tans, this story is of my first public wanking experience too; I, the Slippery Doctore, have cracked one off to a dirty slag trying to fit a melon up her cunt; hand-in-pocket hoping no-one would notice, in Luton university library.

Do I get extra points for my Dad being in the same room?
( slippery doctore, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 20:09, Reply)

if you go down to the woods today...
in a similar vein to quite a few of these stories, my sister and I found some'literature' in our local woods, somewhat more disturbing was picking up the 'wet balloon' and 'silver packet' that were in the vicinity of the magazines! Ah, the naivety of youth!
(DangerFlange Chamone Mother Hubbard, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 20:08, Reply)

I'm sure many people here
will agree that there's nothing abnormal about a man preferring a shaved beaver. Well, long story short, I'm not allowed into Canada any more.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:57, Reply)

I was a disturbed child,
so my first experience of porn was when I opened a door to see 6 black menon the floor playing a varied game of "twister".
(abignumber, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:57, Reply)

in the days before internet
My friends and I stole our first porno mag from WH Smiths when we were about 12. It was rubbish - hardly any nudie pictures at all, just shitty "erotic" stories. So, after calling a couple of the numbers in the back from a phone box, we decided to go back and get another one. I was look-out this time while one of my mates had to do the actual stealing business. Unfortunately, I got distracted by the musical kids books in the next section - Ive always been a sucker for big red buttons - and my mate got collared by the store detective.

I've never forgotten the the look of shear terror on his face as he got into the police car or the awful stomach-churning feeling that he might drop me in it. Turned me off shop-lifting for good.
Still wanking though.
(itob, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:57, Reply)

Bisexual porn..
Has the greatest titles ever seen. My favourite? Bi Bi Baby. Could never keep a straight face listening to the bay city rollers again.

Why I could keep a straight face while listening to the bay city rollers in the first instance is another story altogether.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:56, Reply)

Wasnt porn..
But something happened to my 7 year old self when I saw Kylie in that bath blowing the bubbles at me in that sultry manner.

I should be so lucky.


(Christ I'm so sorry, couldnt resist)
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:47, Reply)

Stand and deliver
I blame Adam Ant. If it wasn't for him I'd never have snuck into my older brother's room at the age of eight to read through his music magainzes to find out more about the new romantic scallywag and his entourage.

Slightly confused that I could find nothing out about Adam Ant in 'Blues & Soul' magazine, I flicked through the large pile on bro's shelf when my attention was drawn to a brightly coloured glossy with a picture of a lady is suspenders on the front.

'Oooo!" thought I, not quite sure what it was I'd stumbled across but it seemed a damn good idea to check it out. Maybe I'd find out more about the Dandy Highwayman here?

How wrong I was... All thoughts of 'Prince Charming' went the way of the dodo as I turned a page to be greeted by what was in my eight year old eyes a very beautiful lady indeed, completely in the nip.

Being the early 80s of course, the current trend for creative waxing was not en vogue. As my eyes scanned down over the stapled one's face, tanned (and no doubt rigourously airbrushed) breasts and torso I did a double take at what I first assumed to be an obliging ferret nestling in her lap. I wasn't quite sure what I'd expected to see, but it certainly wasn't what Becky at school had shown the entire junior 3rd class when she flashed the classroom for a dare.

Said lady might well have been wearing pants and would probably have had more on show, given the extent of her unfortunately gargantuan muff. I recall thinking 'how does her husband know where to put it in?'. Bless.

I wasn't quite old enough to understand the rite of onanism, but I was damn impressed. The stark contrast with the 'Becky' look means I still shudder with unease whenever I'm confronted with something which appears to have escaped from Paul Daniels' head.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:44, Reply)

being one of the older chaps like Mr 2.0....
We had page 3 or Nothing. I remember debating about Sam Fox vs Linda Lusardi at great length (ahem) with my friends and this was about the same time my folks took me on holiday to the south of France ('dont stare at the topless ladies', my mum would snap at me;- Hey, you brought me here mum! No fair telling me not to look at what's on free unashamed display in front of me) and i was sure I wanted to see more women in less clotes in the future.

Then a local scally of about the same age (there's always one) had some hard core magazine in the wooded area of the local park and was (as they always do) showing it to some of the local younger kids to gross them out - and for a long time, not knowing the intimate mechanics of a ladies' undercarriage, I assumed that what we were seeing here was a man with an incredibly long willy stuffing it into a naked womans' arsehole . Not that that is uncommon these days but I didn't know that there was such a thing as a vagina and his cock had to be going somwhere, and well, women have to poo as well so they must have one, so I then worked out that women get pregnant when a man pisses up her arsehole.

So proud was I of my deductions that i told anyone that would listen of my theory. And to be fair, given that the limited numbers of females I had seen with no clothes on either were grown up and naturally hirsute (top shelf magazines left on a hotel trolley in a corridor in Germany that I had once seen, or toddlers at the beach paddling naked and all you knew was that there was a dark line that started at the front and went all the way round to the bum cleft- I thought I had it all worked out.

Still, this isn't as bad as a friend I had at school who was 15, and consistently taught his younger (9 years and 7 years old) brothers bad language and teased them about not being grown up with big dicks, I should not have been surprised when one day the 9 year old ran into the living room in a state of breathless exciement and yelled 'Andrew, you'll never guess what- we were just at the playground and someone found a dirty magazine and there was this picture of a woman and she had no clothes on and you could see all up inside her...her...y'know, her thingy...' just as he realised that his mum had followed him into the room and was standing behind him with a vein throbbing on her temple, arms folded, as she contemplated how to punish him badly for being a dirty little bastard.....
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:43, Reply)

My first
As what most adults do when done beating their meat to wank mags they leave them as they should by railway sidings for when back then 10 yearolds like myself to find. One such hotspot was in the hell hole that I used to live in called Aldershot. There I am walking along with my friends and there in all its glory a box of Young 'n' Easy (I think) so we did what we must made sure no-one was looking grabed as many as we could get and legged it home. Then in the dead of night with a torch sat in my room to look at my new found prize woman in all sorts of positions doing all kinds of things. I was as happy as a pig in muck, but in my haste I made to much noise in runs my dad "whats going on here?" - time for a talk son. Bugger.
3 pages in and nothing. Come on frankspencer where the hell are you?
Could it be that he has had a sensory overload of porn stories and exploded?
(Bad Badger, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:24, Reply)

I have four older brothers...
Hardto imagine what my first experience with porn was, eh? I think by the time I was fifteen I had seen more than most men see by the time they are 25...

Not that porn is the height of cinema, or photography, but by comparison to modern porn, (say anything made after about 1995) older porn was cinema. Today porn is to sex, what MacDonalds is to food, not even close to real, not very good at all, and quite unhealthy in large doses...

Go for old!
(soldierofmisfortune I ain't broke but I am badly bent on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:23, Reply)

Filth, both kinds.
I seem to remember at one stage when I was about 15/16 that whenever I went round to a mates house the first thing we would do is dig up some of the pink stuff from the web. Having been a scout as well in my youth I do seem to recall certain magazines being passed around inside the tents, I remember one time in particular an informative article on "smudgies" (basically a poo moustache administered to an unlucky recipient when the teachers not looking) in a 'leading' mens mag. Oh happy days.
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:23, Reply)

I was going to write this very long and elaborate story
about how I was dependent on pornography for several years. But quite frankly I couldn't be fucked.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:19, Reply)

finding pornography under a bush

You'll notice it's only ever heterosexual pornography. If you want gay male stuff, you have to look under a male chicken.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:17, Reply)

Recording Eurotrash!
And fwapping like a madman for months on the spoils.
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:14, Reply)

Can't be fucked to elaborate properly
Snooping around my brother's room (because he had a life after school and I didn't), must have been about 13. Found an unlabled video hidden under the bedside table. I have come to realise that it was nothing special in terms of porn, but I still love the title:

"Feed My Holes"
( Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:12, Reply)

sticky pages
Seriously, wtf? are you the same people who feel the need to soak the lids of public toilets in urine before I go in?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:07, Reply)

Behind the scout hut
Barry Dick- that was his surname, and it was fitting- had stashed a bunch of third or fourth hand porn.

Age 9 or 10, I remember having a Cat-like epiphany; "I don't know what it is I want to do, but I want to do a lot of it!"

Ah, and the first discovery of the standard-fit Travel Inn jazz mag... I barely remember Paris, but I remember page 32 like it was still in front of me.

*awaits frankspencer's response with cock out*
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:06, Reply)

true story this time
the way the Australian porn industry used to work was, apparently, they'd get a master copy of a video from overseas and then make copies off that.

Someone had to check the resulting copies, so my friend had the job of watching them on high speed. Hurrah you might say, but no so much as it was mostly gay.

I still remember the title of one such video. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the subtle eroticism of "It's Raining Cakes and Sperm".
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:06, Reply)

I didn't see porn until quite late in my life
but I didn't miss out - my life was like porn! My mother was a Ukranian heroin addict and rape victim, and my father was a repulsive misogynistic millionaire weasel.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:01, Reply)

The first time
I remember seeing porn mags was when I discovered my brothers secret stash whilst I was hunting through his cupboards looking for Christmas presents.

It must've been a couple of years after seeing them though that I finally understood why half the pages were stuck together.
(Fatima Whitbread's hardon drugs and the causes of drugs, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 19:01, Reply)

King of the Playground
In year three, yes, I must have been about 7 years young, I was baby-sitted by my brother.
It was during some holiday in autumn, and my brother protested about staying home to look after his sweet and innocent ladybird murdering bastard of a brother (being me) when he could do just as good a job at his friends house.

Stupidly, my parents agreed that being surrounded by his mates, who would have been 16, was a fantastic idea.
So we pop round to his mates, one of which grew up to be a cricketer for England (*cough* claim to fame *cough*), my parents kiss their uncorrupted son goodbye, and I am alone.

Not to leave me in the lurch, I was invited in, given a nice sausage sandwich for breakfast, and sat in the chair of honour directly in front of the TV.
"Wha' we watchin'?" I ask.

My brother produces the fabled red video (thus named as it was red in colour, not 'red' in content, that would be silly).

Try to imagine the brain activity of a child untouched by swearing, questionable morals, or even lying.

Now, imagine the most hard-core German porn you have ever seen. We're talking anal, DVDA, fisting - nothing *really* disturbing, but the 'harder' end of normal sex without getting truely-nasty-fetishy.

Finally, push the latter kicking and screaming through the first's eyeballs.
Transfixed, I sat without moving for about an hour.
Realising I was hungry, I put my sandwich to my lips, right as the blow job/money shot starts on the vid.
I suddenly wasn't very hungry.

After much bullying, a very hungry/almost ill morning and a few sleepless nights (and a partial phobia of sausages I've since kicked) I returned to school and blabbed all to my class-mates. For that week I was king of the school, the coolest kid ever to walk down it's hallways and grace my adoring fans with tales of wonderment, such as how men can 'spit' from 'down there' whilst screaming 'ja'.

Unfortunately, they stopped caring as soon as I stole the video from my brother and was caught by the staff trying to put it in the VCR before our weekly video lessons, but hey, it was good whilst it lasted.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:56, Reply)

To my disgust,
'Scouting for Boys' did not live up to its title.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:52, Reply)

similar to many stories here
my first experience with porn was me and several other lads on a school trip.

I think it was released as 'Backdoor Boys 4'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:50, Reply)

Porn mags in bushes...
..are like white dog pooh, something you always remember from your childhood. We used to have immense fun with our friend Cubby when we were out and about, we'd just say "Look, there's a porn mag in that bush!" and watch him dive in looking for it while we wandered off chuckling; always fell for it, eternally naive I reckon.
He turned into a Jehovah; often wondered if we'd contributed in some way?
(mcnelson, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:49, Reply)

I used to actually publish a pornographic magazine

but sadly it went tits up.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 18:40, Reply)