The Cuntbag Bitch
I’’m pulling myself out of QOTW retirement to write this tirade. I really don’t know where to begin so I’ll begin by saying this woman is the devil incarnated.

I started my current job back in October 09. I am a lowly Human Resources gimp who has the mentally draining job of telling people why they can’t have a pay rise and why they’re loosing their jobs. Not particularly fulfilling I’m sure you’ll agree, but being a university I naively thought I could avoid the rough and tumble of the ruthless private sector, the last time someone was this wrong they got into a car with a bearded Yorkshire man who claimed the hammer was a tool for work. So, I arrive for training on the Monday morning and this is where we meet our mentors. I can safely assure you all that this was not like the Jedi Council and if it was I would have been fired instantly for the amount of abuse I was thinking. There she stood, her black hair straightened to the point of follicle surrender and a tan that could only be best described as the defecated doodling’s of a mental patient on a blank canvas, but with far less purpose. Then the wardrobe, oh fuck me I smelt the power issues instantly. Stiletto’s that wouldn't have been out of place in a trannies wardrobe and the one-piece suit of an uptight lesbian who had been molested by Bernard Manning while telling suspect racist jokes. Now, I’m not one to judge too soon so I though I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She did seem nice enough if somewhat a bit needy for attention, but being eager to please I just listened and got my head down (oh er misses).

A few weeks roll by and I’m starting to notice a change in myself, I didn’t know what it was so I ignored it (classic male behavior). I had been in the role for 3 months and I was beginning to have feelings of sickness at the thought of going anywhere near the place. In all my previous jobs I have been made to feel like a valued member of the team but in this role I was feeling like the dog muck in the corner that no one wants to deal with. I was afraid to do any work as the bitch jumps over my mistakes with patronising red pen and sends me emails to the effect that I'm a pile of rubbish. She always re-enforces the negative and if I do something well I'm made to feel like a toddler who has just learned not to defecate himself, patronising is too soft a word for it. I’m not usually the sort of man that takes this sort of crap and I did try having a word with her line manager, what a fucking mistake that was. According to them she was an angel who is very professional and efficient, since when did that make anyone good at training? Basically, I was palmed off and told to know my place. It was clear to me that the management team had her lined up for a management job in the near future and did not want their plan jeopardized.

More weeks role by and the atmosphere between her and me is becoming very frosty but information is thrown my way that makes me feel reassured that I’m not imagining the animosity. According to a well-placed source, she was annoyed that her female temptations did not work on me and she was shipped out of another department a few months before I started because “everyone fucking hated her”. This was followed by casual accusations of racism, the accused being the most pc/nervous person I have ever met, and management fudged that one too and sent the accused off to counseling. Things were starting to add up, she was hungry for power and didn’t want anything or anyone to get in her way. To be honest I didn’t care about her aspirations, I just wanted to get my work done and forget about the place when I left at the end of the day. I tried to leave these feelings at work and not bother my partner with them but these constant negative feelings just wouldn’t go away. My confidence was shot to pieces and I felt like a shell of my former self. But the crazy part of it all is when I was ‘up’; the feelings were just as uncontrollable and I tried to stretch this out as long as I could. The stark contrast in emotions made it all the more difficult to accept the demons dragging me back into the negative pit. Everything was becoming a struggle to comprehend in a positive manner and she made it all the more difficult by using my probation meetings as a tool to make me look like an utter prick in front of management. The utter cunt had photocopied my mistakes and drew up correct to incorrect ratio statistics. She brought these out in a probation meeting and explained to all and sundry that I was a fuck up. I just wanted to cry, the old me would have boxed my way out of that corner but I was beaten. I accepted my fuck up status and carried on.

Back in late January of this year I got struck down with a kidney infection and flu. This truly fucked me up for nearly a month and I had to take a fortnight off work for this. I’m pretty sure my mental run down state contributed to my physical state but it was a blessing in disguise. Being ill was rubbish but that was the best two weeks in months. The feeling of an excruciating piss was a walk in the park compared to seeing that cunts face again.

The return to work was awful. I was greeted with an email from that utter cuntbag slagging off my work and basically calling me rubbish. I saved this email and sent it via the office manager. Meetings were held and she got a bollocking. A minor victory was hailed but this seemed to only reinforce her dislike for me and the relationship has been awful ever since. I have tried talking to her about how i feel but she seems oblivious to all my feelings. She has recommended that I do not pass probation and therefore loose my job. She doesn’t care that I will get thrown on the dole cue and basically fuck up my life. My probation has been extended due to the illness I had but I have been told that I have 6 weeks to produce 100% error free work. I would like to point out that the kind of errors that I am making is due to holes in my knowledge, not application. Her training methods are appalling and I have pointed this out but again my words have fallen on deaf ears, even though I have done a lot of training in previous jobs. I feel she does not want to pass me information and get me through this sodding probation. She wants me to fail and I feel the management team is just waiting for me to leave or can my arse. I have come to the end of my tether with this cunt and I’m looking for a new job. Fingers crossed. I have contacted my union rep as I have been told that I have been set unreachable targets to save my job (I have found fuck up’s in her work that I have sneakily photocopied and hidden for a rainy day). Not sure how I feel about this as she is a slippery little cunt who may know how to wriggle out of it. But saying that, she didn’t know where Mexico is and a failed glamor model. Wish me luck peeps.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 2 May 2010, 19:03, 17 replies)

*click*
"Stiletto’s that wouldn't have been out of place in a trannies wardrobe and the one-piece suit of an uptight lesbian who had been molested by Bernard Manning while telling suspect racist jokes."

Gets a click for this sentence alone. Masterful telling, Sir.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sun 2 May 2010, 19:13, closed)

Good luck.
But just in case, maybe you should start hunting around for another job now so you have either something to fall back on, or you can quit knowing you have somewhere to go.

It sounds like even if you do get to keep your job, you are not going to be happy.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 2 May 2010, 20:07, closed)

ok three main reasons for poor performance;
Personal circumstances
e.g ill health, intellectual capability
Poor Management
Lack of clearly defined role, skills, behaviours required
Lack of help and support from manager
Interpersonal and team fit issues - favouritism, personality clash
Bad management e.g bullying causing stress
Incorrect facts around allege misconduct e.g. performance may rely on others or there are conflicting priorities
Organisational circumstances
inappropriate levels of discipline - too lenient or excessive
inappropriate pay scales - rewards don’t match effort put in
inappropriate investment in training, equipment, role design
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Sun 2 May 2010, 20:15, closed)

they should be doing the following;
Types of Intervention and when to use them
Counselling - health or personal issues
Coaching - lack of skills and knowledge to perform
Disciplinary - deliberate act/omission to contravene Company rules
Grievance - used to resolve employee issues against the Company
Next Steps
Prepare for the meeting
Gather facts around under-performance to identify gaps
Review appraisal details, PBR, Job Descriptions
Conduct the meeting
Present facts, be prepared to listen and take into account any mitigating circumstances e.g. lack of support, clear targets
Follow up
Monitor and agree ‘follow up’ meeting to check on progress. If problem persists, escalate discussions to the next stage of the procedure…
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Sun 2 May 2010, 20:16, closed)

get professional advice
union rep, if you have insurance they usually include legal advice and have help lines
gather evidence emails examples of work etc etc never rely on her word against yours

hope this helps
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Sun 2 May 2010, 20:18, closed)

all taken in
thanks for your kind words and advice. All taken in.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 2 May 2010, 20:23, closed)

Is your boss Jordan?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 2 May 2010, 20:37, closed)

This in no joke but.....
that is her surname and her middle name is the same as another blonde another glamor model from the nineties that is named after a 70's ford car that is famous for car chases.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 2 May 2010, 21:25, closed)

Mustang Sally Jordan?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 3 May 2010, 12:38, closed)

Bitch boss
I had one like that around 3 years ago. I'd had to leave my old post in mental health as 2 family members had MH probs, and looking after people in & out of work had burned me out. My HR people were great and, after a fair bit of sick leave, helped me into an admin/support role - not my first choice, but I was working again, and I've since found a more challenging role in the same organisation.
However, the manager of my first workplace on my return from serious depression/anxiety probs - which she knew about - was the worst kind of control-freak, manipulative cow. I saw her make another person (who'd had to switch to admin after her back gave out doing personal care) cry whilst 'training' her. She went on to pay for training in her spare time rather than ask for any more help.
When I started back at work my confidence was rock bottom and I found eye contact very difficult. The cow decided I was actually staring at her chest - her words (as if - I love my partner & wouldn't look elsewhere).
More HR goodness, in the form of a mediated meeting seemed to have cleared up the misunderstanding, until a few weeks later when I started to get all the tedious tasks, which I did cheerfully, as I was close to getting another job. Then she made a formal complaint, alleging harassment.
HR to the rescue again - a week's gardening leave to consider my counter-statement, which dovetailed neatly with my summer hols (a week in Amsterdam - yay!) and a new post at a lovely office. That lasted 6 months and I've had my current job for over 2 years now, still see the bitch from time to time, but ignore her - hopefully that way no-one will think I'm staring.
Apols for length/lack of funnies - good to get it off my 'chest'! I wish you all the luck I had in getting away from the bitch in my life.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Sun 2 May 2010, 20:41, closed)

Feelin your pain brother
Thanks for that great reply. I'm so glad a good HR department was able to help you out, unfortunately if you have a problem in HR it is not easily worked out. An odd quandary I'm sure you'll agree. I've been close to break down over this and I'm only 28. It is the most spiteful office, lots of young women who are out for themselves.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 2 May 2010, 21:35, closed)

Hand in your notice
Quite honestly, a change is better than a rest.
Get a job in a pub, behind a bar, kitchen porter, cleaning, whatever. You have no idea how badly this job will screw you over in the long run. I cannot express to you how much better things will be if you just job hop for the next year or two. Opportunities happen like that. Opportunities don't happen whilst you're working in a dead end job being bullied by satan's cunt whore.

If you do one thing after reading this QOTW, just leave. For the sake of the rest of your life!
(once_upon_a_time, Sun 2 May 2010, 22:01, closed)

Leave
As has been suggested, start looking for work now otherwise it's a no win situation for you.
I've been made to feel worthless at work and I took it for six years, not moving on because I'd been made to feel I had nothing to offer to any potential employers. When redundancy came, I was happy as Larry, knowing that whatever I did next, at least I'd be happy. Three years on and I still am.
Look to the positive. Start planning the future. It'll feel good.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Sun 2 May 2010, 23:21, closed)

yes
take control - leave
(justin(e), Thu 6 May 2010, 13:14, closed)

Useful advice
Never mind all this "leave" shite, the Missus (Gor Bless Her) works in HR and her one big hard-on (!) at the moment is FACEBOOK (and all of these social wetwank sites...)

It's easy:

1. Just make your 'chum' a Facebook page in which she totally slags off your organisation.

2. Then report her.

3. Wave cheerio kindly to her as she is escorted off the premises.

4. Profit.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Mon 3 May 2010, 9:37, closed)

seriously-evidence EVERYTHING, every point of contact, write everything down and be seen to do so. IT is your right and indeed, essential for you to do this from now on in. Get teh bitch worried. Make sure you dont let her grind you down. Make sure whatever emails she sends, when you reply, you cc them to her line manager, or an impartial union rep or the like. Do NOT have a "closed" exchange with just the two of you. If you meet with her, take copious notes, and even bring a dictaphone. Smack that bitch up, HR stylee!
(fucketybye CaCRocker, Mon 3 May 2010, 11:18, closed)

She sound's great. Mmm.
Wtf is it with people at work?
How come they lose their reason, decency and humanity for a few quid?
She's horrific, you arent!
When you leave, its out of your life. She is stuck with being the piece of shit that she is forever. You win!
Good luck, dont let the bastard grind you down.
Apologies for swearybeasting, makes me mental.
(shinypurplebit booked his tickets (yay) on, Mon 3 May 2010, 20:16, closed)