How nerdy are you?This week Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, died. A whole generation of pasty dice-obsessed nerds owes him big time. Me included.
So, in his honour, how nerdy were you? Are you still sunlight-averse? What are the sad little things you do that nobody else understands?
As an example, a B3ta regular who shall remain nameless told us, "I spent an entire school summer holiday getting my BBC Model B computer to produce filthy stories from an extensive database of names, nouns, adjectives, stock phrases and deviant sexual practices. It revolutionised the porn magazine dirty letter writing industry for ever.
Revel in your own nerdiness.
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chthonic, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 10:32)
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Geekdom timeline100,000 BC - Winfield Man
Discovered in a burial mound in the village of Winfield, UK. He was buried with a number of figurines and appeared to be wearing some kind of stylised hat. An ancient text was found on his person depicting a man being beaten to death with tree branches. The body has numerous broken bones.
3,000 BC - Pu Erh Pong
Ancient Chinese mathematician. He worked out how to play a variety of games on the abacus and was briefly at the centre of a Imperial craze that caused abacuses to sell out, leading to a worldwide bead shortage. He was executed and burned.
400 BC - Gygax of Halitosis
A collector of myths and legends, he went too far in making and selling figurines at markets around ancient Greece. His popular game "Myths and Legends" was the cause of his conviction for blasphemy and he was stoned to death.
300 BC - Eliaphas
Old Testament prophet who was made famous when he drew up a graph depicting the Glory of the Lord. His mother made him wear shorts until he was 153 and his nickname was "Shorty Greasy Spot Spot." Killed by a bolt of lightning while working on a graph of the Heavens.
100 AD - Ibn Hassan al Barack ib Beethoven
North African geographer who documented every town in the world on a giant scale map, categorising them all according to the numbers of letters in their names. He vanished after he went for a stroll in the direction of the Cliff of Certain Death (not on his map).
1000 AD - Bernard de Allo Allo
Chief Inventor to the Duc de Orleans, he designed a computation machine that was able to handle desk top publishing, accounts and advanced calculation. His employer had asked for a better kind of rolling pin instead, so Bernard was boiled in molten lead and his plans were lost.
1400 AD - Leonardo de Akropolis
Chinless one-legged dwarf, he is credited with designing the first computer program. After a lifetime of work, he presented his system "Lye Nux" to the Pope and was laughed out of the Vatican because the computer hadn't been invented yet. He came back with plans for a ski lift but his cousin from Vinci had already built one, so Akropolis was burned at the stake.
!750 AD - Sir Kevin Newton
Brother of the more famous Isaac, Kevin discovered that gravity works in reverse when you're off your tits on drugs and alcohol. He died a virgin aged 21 in a pub in Greenwich.
1911 AD - Wilfred Bogget
Ballistics expert and amateur model maker, Wilfred worked on a new kind of machine gun to use in Belgium. Unfortunately, he got so carried away that he ended building a spaceship for interstellar travel. Millions died as a result.
2000s AD - Rob Manuel
Sets up a site called b3ta on the Internet. This attracts dweebs, dorks, nerds and geeks from around the world to chatter rabidly about operating systems, role playing and unrealised pornographic fantasies. Worldwide productivity dips as a result.
(, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 10:09, 7 replies)
I got to Pu Erh Pongbefore I guessed whose post it was. I think my favourite is the chinless, one-legged dwarf, Leonardo de Akropolis :D
I chuckled lots, which is good for I am ill and needed perking up. Jolly good show as usual. Don't stop writing chap, you should have a column somewhere.
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LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 10:51,
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Am I a nerd...For spotting the Blackadder references?
oh.
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 11 Mar 2008, 11:48,
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^^I did as well... We're lost, I tell you, lost!
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Mar 2008, 12:04,
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Leonardo de AkropolisBlackadder: Are you any good?
Akropolis: No, I am a geni-us!
Blackadder: You'd better be or you're dead.
Akropolis: [blows raspberry]
(, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 12:19, closed)
Prince Ludwig The Indestructible…Remember when you were a little girl…you had a magnificent grey pony that you used to kiss and fondle in the stable yard? I…I was the tall and attractive German Stable lad who held him.
Queen: What? You? Shorty Greasy Spot Spot?
Ludwig: Noooo! – You will all of you regret the day you ever mocked my complexion. I will return…and wreak my rewengay!
Blackadder; No you will die and be buried *throws knife*
There’s no hope for me…save yourselves
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 11 Mar 2008, 14:49,
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Winfield Man!Am I the only one to notice this reference to Woolworths own brand dating from the 60s and 70s?
That bit made me laugh...OUT LOUD!
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 14:59,
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