Thai nightclubs
A few stick out in memory.

The strange one where it was a kind of kareoke, with a thai Eminem lookalike singing love songs, whilst girls (and a few guys) ran up to the stage and gave him roses. Some were crying. We had no idea why.

The one where after the music turned into some fairly bangin' choones, we decided to hit the dance floor. After ambling and pushing our way through all the tables and stools at the side of the dance floor and getting closer, we realise there is no dance floor. Just tables, full of Thai people. Who are looking at us. Wondering what the fuck we are doing standing at their tables.....

Another where we watched girls put things in places, blow things out, put things in other girls places and a lady boy do things you CAN'T FUCKING UN-SEE...

The one that takes the biscuit was the beach side night club where my friend was so drunk and lost in his asian girl fixation, he failed to realise the lady who attached herself to him had a penis.

A fact he brutally found out when it was in his palm after they went off for a quick fondle. We only found the full story of where he had disappeared to after he came back covered in mud with only one flip flop....

When he was presented with said manly bits he flipped out, being a bit of a rowdy heterosexual, he tends to do that in such situations.

After shouting at her for a bit, her/his friends came over to find out what the ruckus was all about, only to find themselves getting an ear bashing as well. What with all the friends playing for both teams, they got a full round of 'WTF!?'s' from him too.

As you can imagine, they weren't too please to see their, admittedly rather effeminate, lady-man chum crying at my mates ginger ranting and things do what they usually tend to in such times and escalated themselves...

One of them swung at him with its shoe, then another with their fake Dolce and Gabbana handbag (I'm guessing it was D&G. They looked the fashionable types). Soon it was a bit of an all out assault on him, the way he describes it makes it sound a bit like 28 Days Later, but with man-chicks. Scarier.

Anyway, the idea of having the shit kicked out of him by 4 or 5 guys with tits wasn't very appealing so he made a dash for it through the thicket. Only to stumble for about 10 minutes through the darkness, trees and mud, to return to us, scratched, covered in mud, and flopless, where he proceeded to hold his head on his knees for the rest of the night, whilst we all sang 'Dude look like a lady' and various other hilarious jibes.

Poor lad. Not only did he get a horrible shock to his sexuality, he got a clobbering for his troubles. Top that with the tests he got when he got back and you'd be forgiven for thinking his travels were two months of terror....

Great times.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:52, Reply)