Medicinal Wank
There's this place in Leeds just opposite the City Hall; fucked if I can remember the name of it or if it still exists.

I was getting pretty frisky with a girl I worked with on a works night out. She breathed huskily in my ear that we should go back to hers...

And I replied, just as sexily: "Sounds great - I just need to go and have a piss first."

But I didn't need to piss.

No.

I needed to, well, release a few battallions of my little soldiers - my balls were so fucking heavy from not having any growler action for a while that I feared I'd ejaculate before she'd even turned the key in her flat.

So, off I trot to the bogs. Obviously, I was a bit pissed which didn't help.

But these bogs were down some spiral stairs in the centre of this fine establishment. I got to the bottom of the stairs, found a cubicle, unzipped and started wanking furiously.

A medicinal wank.

No enjoyment at all. I just needed to get rid of some excess spermy baggage.

Strange thing was that the bogs didn't dim the noise of the club any. It was, quite frankly, putting me off my stroke. I very nearly sprayed my load down the front of my trousers, I was that put off.

Then I realised the noise was getting louder. And the noise was in time with my frantic self-loving.

I look up...

And see fifty or sixty faces looking down at me from the balcony in the main club above. Cheering me on.

I hadn't actually found the bogs. In my haste and pissed up state I'd actually wondered into an anteroom just before you get to the bogs. This room had an open roof.

Now, there's not alot you can do when you're looking up at fifty or sixty strangers with your cock in your hand.

I did the only sensible thing.

I waved.

Most of them waved back...



And I didn't end up getting laid that night.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:02, 4 replies)

Eep!
I just said "Nooooooooooo!!" to my screen in the office.
"What's up?"
"computer thingy is... thingied"

Have a thingy click.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:09, closed)

I had one of those
this morning.

As I am going into hospital on Friday for a jaw operation, and quite frankly, if I hadn't coughed my filthy yoghurt now, then the likelihood was that I would spluff myself whilst in the ward.

Not good.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 17:17, closed)

*click*
How do you end up with all the funniest stories?

Or is it just the way you tell them?
(idle insomniac enjoys listening to Sigur Rós at stupid hours, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 0:51, closed)

If this is true....
...then it's obviously the best thing ever.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 13:07, closed)