Mental autocrats
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17990615

If you had absolute power, how would use abuse it?

alt: I would love to "build" my own house, what big lifetime ambitions do you have?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:23, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'd ban Rory for a start.
Alt, to find out who has nicked our communal greenhouse.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 12:26, Reply)

rory's the best poster this place ever had

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Rory shouldn't be banned.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:32, Reply)

people should be banned from rory

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Rory is like the Chuck Norris of /OT

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)

i heard he knocked the moon out just because he thought it was looking at him funny

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:37, Reply)

He hasn't been banned. He removed himself. ScaryDuck confirmed it.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)

I'd enforce a policy that once someone has been told to DYAAKY more than 100 times, they have to do it.
This would never apply to me, of course.

Alt: I'd like to have kids, and raise them as well as my Dad raised me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)

having kids is easy
pump, pump, squirt + 9 months = kid
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

A woman has to be involved somewhere too.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)

I was just focussing on his bit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)

You filthy voyeur

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Looks like he's taken the lens cap off it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)

ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:34, Reply)

Having kids isn't the part that I'm bothered about
I see far too many little shit kids around to not worry about how mine will grow up (obviously, I am jumping the gun a bit here).
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)

you'd have to create a similar environment to bring them up in
by murdering your partner shortly after she gave birth
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I was 8 when she died, Quentin.
Not exactly 'shortly after'
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)

my gf built her own place, she's very precious about it
its like a palace of girly trinkets and useless cake-covered bunting and shit

women are shit
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Girlfriend?
It doesnt count if you pay her by the hour,
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

haha, yes she is a prostitute

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I'd go to the British Library and get the latest edition of the OED out.
Then I'd highlight all the rude words, and add a few of my own. Then put it back.

Alt: I'd get someone who knows what they are doing to build me a house.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:31, Reply)

Alt: retire comfortably at 50.
This is currently do-able.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:32, Reply)

Could you afford the femur extensions and retirment?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:34, Reply)

I will get femur extensions when you've had lyposuction.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:38, Reply)

It's on my to do list.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)

I'd have an army of bodyguards to "off" anyone who pissed me off
Alt:

House building seems like a good plan. I'd quite like one of those mental timberframe ones from Germany in some kind of wooded setting, with a lake or river please Bob
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:38, Reply)

You want to build a concentration camp hut?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:43, Reply)

Yeah
I want Monty to feel at home should he pop round. I even have stripy pyjamas
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:47, Reply)

and he's used to not eating

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)

And has an aversion to showering.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)

Alt: I'd make a house completely out of wooden floorboards.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:43, Reply)

I made a bed out of scaffolding boards and tubing.
Does that count?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Do you live on the set of a youth magazine show from the 80's

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Why?
Don't you?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)

I did but Terry fucking Christian kept popping over

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Have a word

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:51, Reply)

good planj, what wood would you use?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Balsa

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)

haha!
"Come in"
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Nice and lightweight
Although I hope you don't have any wolves living too nearby
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)

i don't understand this bitterness about your lovely floorboards
proper floorboards are a thing of beauty. don't you listen to the haters.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Pretty much my whole flat is stripped back to original floorboards
but that's because a) they used decent floorboards 100 years ago and b) I fucking hate my downstairs neighbours and want to keep them awake whilst simultaneously stealing their heat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)

I agree, however I can admit taht my original post did sound a little arrogant

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:10, Reply)

Oak ones I hope?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Alt: Spend six months in New York, then live on a farm in the South of France.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)

No Marseille

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)

TTJ...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Neil will be gutted

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)

I have it all planned out in my mind.
Need to find a suitable girl for the latter first though..
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)

I just had to rock the vending machine back and forth to get my Lion Bar to drop
I would establish a ruthless secret organisation who would investigate such incidents and mete out bizarre and spectacular punishments for those deemed ultimately responsible.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:56, Reply)

I hope your new boss didn't wander around the corner to see you trying to "steal" from the vending machine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)

i had a white chocolate one of those the other day
disappointingly sickly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)

chocolate one of those the other day

cock ejaculate inside my arse the other night.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)

racist

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

awww
i was wondering when you and monty were going to get it onnnnnnn.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

They aren't great, are they?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Our vending machine was stocked with fruit pastilles again last week
I forgot quite how fond of them I am.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Ours is stocked with waterproof trousers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:32, Reply)

'Holocaust II - Electric Boogaloo'
Alt: see above
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)

How about to be debt and ex free and to have mini-monty to come and live with you in a bigger house?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)

I’d rather Europe was cleansed of the tide of scum which plagues it, with lebensraum for all right-thinking Aryan masters, thanks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

What's wrong with Joey Tempest?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Same thing as what’s wrong with you – he’s a fucking cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:10, Reply)

*sends Monty an "Anders is innocent banner"*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)

*already has one*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)

i would have a couple of cunts tortured and shot
everyone else could have a holiday to celebrate my ascent to my rightful place.

i want to publish a novel and run a half marathon, if not a marathon.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)

or you could train for one updating us ad nausium on your progress only to pull out at the last minute as you are "injured"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)

best of all the training plans

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:10, Reply)

This is an excellent plan
I ran 2 miles today. I'm building up for a marathon in... ummm... does September sound believable?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)

By September might be more realistic

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)

hahaha
being as i currently run about 3 miles and then stop for fear of making my hair sweaty, you'll have a long wait.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Stewart Downing... really? Christ.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)

YEY FOOTBALL!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)

They're trying to get a whole team of people that either beat or rape women.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)

That rules out Downing, then
if he tried to hit a woman he'd miss by 10 yards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)

He got arrested for hitting his wife in January
he was trying to hit his mistress.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)

footylols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Hang on
it's not out yet, is it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Yep.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)

John Terry? Oh, for the love of fuck.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:28, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)

I actually care how England do now.
Now that they've got Hodgson, Lewington and Neville on board. If only to shut up all the people who wanted Redknapp as manager. Picking Downing hasn't really helped his cause though.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Not a great squad to start with though, eh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:28, Reply)

He's gone a bit senile and thinks he's still picking WBA
"Oooh, I'd love to pick Rio but he's bound to be playing for Man U already"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Who else could he have picked?
I'd only switch Glen Johnson with Richards - mostly because me and my housemates love the fact that Richards' thighs are the same size as me, and Adam Johnson over Downing. Downing is the only mental choice.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Well, except Terry, who is an even more mental choice than Downing.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)

As much as I hate Terry I'd have him over Ferdinand.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Jagielka?
Terry is a fucking liability now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:48, Reply)

I'd prefer Jagielka
I despise both Terry and Ferdinand.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Why?
I'm not looking for internetragelols, I genuinenly want to know.

To me, Terry is and has always been exactly everything that is wrong with English football and its fans. Those that value "bravery" and throwing themselves last ditch in front of shots over actually having any techincal ability, positional sense, speed and tackling ability in the first place.

For me, I'd take Ferdinand, injured, with only one leg, blindfolded, and drunk over Terry any day. Fuck, I'd take Anton Ferdinand over Terry.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)

I think his decision to go with Johnson over Richards is down to experience only

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Is there going to be much need for toilet-seat stealing experince in Polkraine?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)

I think having England ahead of Italy in the Euro 2012 betting is a bit wrong.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)

It's British bookmakers odds.
of course it's going to be stupid. Odds are based on the amount bet as well as the actual chances. Shitloads of money will be going on England so that shortens the odd.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:32, Reply)

They were 2nd favourites to win the last World Cup.
Betting on England is a waste of time.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Germany will win it.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

They're second favourite,
behind Spain. I'll have an each-way on Holland I think, 7/1.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I just told you Germany will win it.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Haha, fucking hell
Utterly shite.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)

I just had to lock my taskbar in windows.
Now I have "Rock the Kasbar" in my head
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:32, Reply)

This probably deserves a new thread.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)

yes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)