One Night StandsFreddie Woo says: "I was young and desperate, she was older, divorced and was sick on me. Seemed an acceptable criticism at the time." Tell us about your one night stand disasters, or lie about your triumphs.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 16:05)
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we met in a BootsI asked her if this cream would help my genital warts. she said she'd ask her teacher the next day. She was my ideal woman, hair like ripe avocados, and an anus that could hold a beach umberella in a gale. I knew that a woman like that would have to be romanced, so I asked her if she'd like to have my fuck missile explode in her ham silo. She said she wasn't into star wars, but she'd give me a titwank for an oyster card.
As soon as we got in the door she had her hand down my pants. I had to walk back and force her to drop my wallet. She asked me if I had ever made love to the Bolero, I said I preferred Dale's Supermarket Sweep. She was like a gymnast in bed. Fourteen. We started with a rusty trombone, then a cleveland steamer, and finally a kidderminster shagpiledriver that dislocated my wrist. She asked me to treat her mean so I told her she had the dress sense of a bosnian refugee. I gave her multiple organisms and she made me sleep in the wet spot. She touched me in places no woman had touched me before, like my duodenum. Sometimes, in some situations, I'm instantly transported back to that night, such as when I see a swan choking to death on mayonaisse
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:07,
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yes I know I posted this once before. fuck you. you expect me to just keep writing new stuff?I've important things to do in my busy productive life. Don't look at me like that. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, just remember that. And you can forget about this sunday, I'm not going. You know how I hate coriander and they put in on everything.
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:14,
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Mine was better.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:17,
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Who's that shit pun stand up who made that sitcom with that shit northern comic?If I could remember his name I'd type 'alright, his name!' or something.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:24,
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Whittle will always be Channel 5's highpoint.(
monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 11:40,
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