6/10
Freshly waxed= red and bumpy, and courgettes are minging
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 13:41, Reply)

for those who aren't yet bored ...
I came home from work one day to find my girlfriend lying on the dining table dressed in nothing but foodstuffs. Her sumptuous breasts were daubed with custard, a trail of M&Ms trailed down to her bikini line and her nethers were coated in slight 'panties' of whipped cream.

Moving straight to dessert, I set about slurping the custard from perky nipples and worked my way down to the cream, which proved tricky to lick from the folds and crevices of her freshly waxed ardour. Still, I persevered and mamaged to extract all the cream as she wriggled and moaned. When she was food-free. I unleashed my now quivering tool and positioned myself between her splayed legs to enter her wet hotness.

"Not so fast" said she. "I'm hungry." And she whipped out a jar of chocolate spread, with which she proceeded to grease up my shaft, paying particular attention to the engorged tip. Before could say 'chocolate cock' she had swallowed my length and was working it with a busy tongue.

I was just about ready to shoot my own cream when she whipped out a courgette from her hidden cache of foodstuffs and inserted into her burning hole ... right at the moment my molten jizz gushed forth across her electric tongue. She was coming as it pulsed down her throat.

"Hold on a sec," I said. "Aren't you allergic to nuts?"
"Shit! Call the ambulance - I'm going into anaphylactic shock!"
(frankspencer, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 13:08, Reply)

man bites dog
Tucking into Rover probably wouldn't be high on my list of tasty treats...

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6419041.stm
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:55, Reply)

Virpos
Try cheese, cucumber and Marmite (lots of it) as a sandwich filler, it's great!
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:48, Reply)

grandmasterfluffles
Fish do feel pain - i keep koi, and if one of them gets an ulcer (common problem in koi) you have to clean it out with betadine / iodine or similar, and as soon as a drop hits the wound they thrash about like eppys.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:13, Reply)

allergies
speaking of which i hate it when people say they are allergic to something when really they are just a soft sod and dont like it.
(suboftheday, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:13, Reply)

the_greyhound
i agree, the picky eater sounds like the kind of fast food outlet that takes ages to make your order.
you want the number 3 from the menu which is "the cheese burger with no cheese, no gherkins and a dribble of ketchup."
but you ask for "the cheese burger with no cheese, no gherkin and a drible of ketchup but can you put cheese and gherkin on it with no ketchup." which of course comes to you in a seeded bun which you are alergic to.
they serve both coca-cola and pepsi and are constantly mixing them up which further hold up the queue.
there is an entirly separate vegetarian menu which gives them a choice instead of them having to order "the veggie meal?", yes that is a question mark.
and the fries are cooked in either vegetable oil or animal fat depending on which day of the week it is so there is a chance they are suitable for veggies.
and lastly there is a policy where if you arnt happy after your first bite you get another go at picking something from the menu free of charge
(suboftheday, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:10, Reply)

Balut et al
In the same vein (ha!) is a stunning sounding little treat in the freezer section of my local Chinese supermarket - pig's uterus (stocked right next to a product alluringly packaged as "Pig's Fat End"...what the Christing bollocks that is, I have no idea).

Apparently, pig's uterus should be boiled and then served unaccompanied apart from a bowl of soy sauce to dip it into.
(phil lawton, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:09, Reply)

QUOTE:
"We ARE omnivores and need all the necessary vitamins and minerals from eating other animals."

right. so, logically, all vegans must have died. so who are you talking to?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:05, Reply)

Fish curry
I love Indian food, especially if it's accompanied with a pint of the finest Kingfisher lager.

However, my enjoyment of a good ruby murray is usually blighted by someone who orders a fish dish. There is nothing worse than trying to eat a jalfrezi when a stench akin to a Grimsby lady of the night's knickers is assaulting my nostrils.

There ought to be some sort of law.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:05, Reply)

Marmite lovers
The best things to do with it in reverse order of excellence:

4: Dip marmite sandwiches in tomato soup
3: Grilled chicken breast with a basting of marmite a couple of minutes from the end
2: Marmite and kitkat sandwiches
1: marmite and peanut butter sandwiches - the most amazing taste sensation ever.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:04, Reply)

Ew
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut

There's a line - the line is a dot to whoever did that first.

Even I wouldn't eat it.

Well, I might try it.

Actually, no, I wouldn't.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 12:01, Reply)

Surely this is wrong?
I've not tried it but I'm pretty sure I couldn't stomach it.


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut
(elvinio, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:57, Reply)

oh good lord no.
Marmite can fukc off an' all.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:51, Reply)

Corn
Can't touch the stuff, I digest the inside, but not the outside, which means I shit little parcels. I'll spare you any more graphic details

'course, off the cob is even worse with my teeth being like the guy in Monty Python's 'dancing teeth' cartoon...
(The real vlad the impala, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:50, Reply)

Jaffa Cakes
Ok, I know this is a bit left-field and it's not really picky - and yes, I know there are starving masses on the sub-continent and all that....

But Jaffa Cakes.

I've got a box of Blackberry and Apple Jaffacakes on my desk. I'm eating them because I'm a fat* sod, but no. Just no.

Orange Jaffa Cakes are the only thing to have. Ever.

And forget about those feckin' Lemon and Lime ones too.

* I'm not even remotely fat, but I am a food dustbin
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:50, Reply)

Twiglets!
MMmmmmm

Twiglets

Yum :-)

And Marmite - I love it.

The only way to eat marmite, by the way, is to ensure that half way through the slice of toast it's burning the roof of your mouth. That way you get the full enjoyment.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:48, Reply)

Pink soup
Not normaly a fussy eater (I was when I was younger) but in Poland where I currently live I have tried many new dishes over the past year or so. Only one of which I couldn't stand! During summer a popular dish is a form of cold soup, great for cooling you down on a hot day. Fine. the only problem is that it is bright pink, as in Mr Blobby pink, and is served full of dill, When served to me at my girlfriend's house by her mum it is the only time I have ever had to stand my ground and say 'I am not touching that' honestly it looked like paint and really, call me prudish but I like my soup warm! Anyway as a result it is now reserved for the ultimate punishment by my lass. Anytime I severly piss her off I haveb to eat a huge bowl of the stuff! Luckily I have been a good boy...
(Polish bstard, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:47, Reply)

savoury sticks of ultimate evil doom
twiglets.

taste of horrible.

save washing up at parties, dont put 'em in a bowl.
put the damned things straight in the bin.
and then douse them with petrol.
then throw in a swan vesta.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:34, Reply)

I heard
that fish just don't have the part of the brain that registers pain. So it doesn't hurt when you butcher them and turn them into sushi.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:22, Reply)

Potato is wrong
My lil' sis won't eat potato in the following form - mash, jacket, boiled, saute, fat chip shop chips.

however she will eat crisps, and very thin chips (like mcdo').

apparently it's a texture thing - like eating cotton wool...(why would you do that tho'?)
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:13, Reply)

Vegatarians
Gah!

Vegetarians ANNOY. We ARE omnivores and need all the necessary vitamins and minerals from eating other animals.

Tell you what, they'd fucking turn around and eat YOU, so don't give the bastards a chance!!

/end rant
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 11:06, Reply)

Hmm
Whenever I say "Bite me" (which I say a LOT), noone seems to take me up on that offer.

Is it me?

/gets coat
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 10:44, Reply)

vegan cats & dogs

can be done, according to this - www.veganpet.com.au
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 10:30, Reply)

Refusal.
despite the fact that me ex keeps offering me this particular delicacy,

i will not 'eat shit and die'.

picky old me.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 10:21, Reply)

Pets.
Rather bizarrly, although none of my pets are picky eaters (having two dogs and a cat helps, if one doesn't eat their food, at least one of the other two will).

The dogs normally get Chappie, unless I am in a good mood, in which case, they get Tripe. They both love both foods. Rather bizarrly, if you feed them Tripe on two consecutive days, one of the dogs will look at you as if you are poisoning him. He'll eat it on the second day, buy slowly.

On the other hand, the cat, given the choice, will eat Chappie and the other dog, given the choice, will eat any cat food.

As for me? Well, I am not a particularly picky eater (anyone who sees me will realise that), but I can't eat any fish or sea food.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 9:54, Reply)

SEXY
I

EAT

BABIES!!!



signed; Fat Bastard
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 9:38, Reply)

Thai Seasoning
My what a delicious curry that looks, packed with juicy prawns, the finest of vegetables, fluffy pillows of rice all bound together by a delicious looking creamy spicy sauce WHICH HAS BEEN RUINED BY THE INTRODUCTION OF A TWIG THAT MAKES EVERYTHING TASTE OF FAIRY FCUKING LIQUID.

Lemongrass, you are a prize cnut.

Newbie, length, swallowing etc
(postmistress, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 9:32, Reply)

it all feels wrong
despite the fact that I rarely read them all the way to the end, and more than a couple in a QOTW has me skipping over them...
... I really miss Frank! Are you taking the Lithium again mate? This one's over soon, can we have a shuddering climax to a peculiar week?
(kaptinkurtz, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 9:20, Reply)

I now....
....won't eat the 'Balti e Akbar' from Akbars of Bradford as this morning I have an arseh*le like the opening credits of 'Bonanza'
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Wed 7 Mar 2007, 9:15, Reply)