What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?Groovypoodle writes, "My mate once told his girlfriend that he didn't think it was working only for her to laugh and tell him he was hilarious. Saying she was 'too weird' and 'slightly violent' and that he didn't like her was equally hilarious. Ripping off her wing mirror, throwing it through the windscreen
and storming off in a huff merely generated an apology from her a week later..."
Just how hard have you had to work to get someone to take the hint and stay dumped?
(
chthonic, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 10:33)
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Lovecats.I was going out with a girl for three years. Not so long but it sure seemed it at the time. I wont go into why because this will just turn into an unending stream of woe and I'd much rather keep it light.
She was an anal sex freak which, although I am partial, can get annoying when it's every single time you get jiggy.
Something had to give.
It was my penis.
Now don't worry it didn't snap off inside her or anything, it just stopped performing as it should. She was very sympathetic at first... offering me sympathy and trying to be gentle. But, as soon as she proffered the ringpiece I would soften like a flump on a hot day.
I was making myself think of tiny kittens.
Kittens crawling on my cock and licking my balls. Mewing and scratching with barely open eyes. Tiny little innocent blind kittens covered in semen and lady-juices.
Some people out there might get the opposite effect from those kind of thoughts, I dunno, whatever floats yer boat... For me it had the most instantaneous softening effect.
Her dissatisfaction led to her sleeping with one of our housemates. I'll never forget the day he came and confessed to me. Poor guy had to get it off his chest I guess.. "I've been sleeping with ****. I'm really sorry man..." and a whole load of other blah. I wasn't listening, I just had three words running through my head over and over and over. "You Poor Bastard"
Four days later I moved out, 3 months later I left the country. I still get the odd email from her about how much she misses me and loves me. I occasionally print them out then screw them up into a ball and throw them in the bin.. just for pleasure. I haven't had to think of the kittens for a long time now and it feels great.
Length? Have you ever tried to use a six day old kitten as a sort of novelty condom? Well don't. They're too fucking small.
(, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 4:51, 3 replies)
Kittens?When I wanted to take my mind off of, well, 'release' I would picture a dead and bloated cow laying alongside a road, flies buzzing around and periodically landing on the gaping slash across it's rib cage.
It wasnt a flaccid cure, but it sure as hell took my mind off, um, release.
You sir, are a frikkin' rockstar!
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Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 5:12,
closed)
the anti-spadge imagePaul Scholes and Gary Neville, specifically their eyebrows and moustache respectively - works every time
(, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:05, closed)
bazmorningstarHow dare you associate two of the glorious boys with "Wilting", try instead a close up of Liz macdonald in a suitably fetching outfit, instant failure !
(, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 21:23, closed)
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