Flat
We had a great Flat in Watford in the nineties. Above a corner shop that let us run up a tab, a chippy 3 doors down, a launderette that did service washes for a quid on top of the normal stand-there-and-feed-coins-in-for-hours-wash. Oh and we lived opposite to 2, maybe 3, of the Spice Girls (true story, I also slept in Geri's bed but thankfully, she wasnt in it).

Anyway, we, being 20 something lads, didnt cook. In fact the kitchen was strictly for storage of bikes. The fridge was upstairs in the lounge (it was an odd layout) and exclusively for beer and milk for tea/coffee. The kettle and tea making facilities were on top of the fridge of course. Disposable cups stolen from the top of the vending machine were invaluable.

We lived on Pizza from Pizza Hut and of course got it delivered.

However, that became a bit of a drag. Firstly, we'd have to call them, and relay the order, that was tiresome. Then we'd have to wait. Then some kid would turn up on a moped, and one of us would have to go downstairs after collecting cash off everyone, pay, and walk all the way back down the corridor, past two whole rooms to get back to the lounge.

Over the years, we refined the process as follows:

1. Standing order with Pizza Hut. Dont wait for the call, assume that on a week day evening, we require 3 large meat feasts, 3 garlic breads, 2 bottles of coke.

2. Costs to be added to account. Billed weekly, and debited between our debit cards evenly.

3. Delivery boy to beep horn on arrival. The flatmate nearest the window to lower down cash on string to delivery boy. On reciept, lower down large basket for pizza loading, and change.

However, this wasnt good enough.

We got a spare key cut and gave it to the delivery boy. So we refined the procedure:

1. Unchanged.
2. Unchanged.
3. Delivery boy to let himself in, and deliver pizza's direct to customers armchairs.

If we were really lucky, the system was refined by calling a girlfriend or 2 at the right time. They'd come upstairs, see the mess of pizza boxes and clear up whilst tutting.

(Yes we had girlfriends! ... mostly)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:46, 5 replies)

wow...
Sir, I am in your debt!

(makes notes)
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:49, closed)

discrepancy between items 2 and 3
if the costs are being billed to 3 cards evenly, WHY is there cash being dropped on string to the delivery boy?
(Dangermouse., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 11:36, closed)

Columbo here has begun unravelling this tissue of lies
When he responds pretend to be happy with his explanation but then, just before you leave, turn and say 'Oh, one last thing'.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 11:54, closed)

good
fuckin point

2 must have been revised/deleted.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 12:13, closed)

Not
a tip for the pizza boy then?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 14:29, closed)