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This is a question Puns

Tell us your best ever puns - get them out of your system now and let's not see them again.

Suggested by MatJ

(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:52)
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A touching tale
It was round midnight, the music was blaring, the rave was in full swing.

We'd sent a mate out on a scouting mission and he came back with a small bag full of pills. Oddly, they were bright fucking red, someone must've added some dye to the manufacturing process.

"The fella that sold um to me said they're the strongest on the face of the fucking planet!" My mate beamed. "Though they do have one slight drawback. Don't even think about pulling tonight. After you've had some of these you'll be as impotent as an octogenarian on bromide."

"That's ok, mate," I replied, necking a handful of the red pills. "I'm just here to dance and act like a twat."

Roll onto three am, the music's still pounding, I'm having a whale of a time.

Then I realise a lovely young lady is dancing close to me. Really close. We spend the next half hour throwing some shapes and staring into each others eyes. Then she takes my hand and leads me away from the noise.

This was way back in the early ninetees when raves used to take place in fields. Quite convenient, really. Within minutes the pounding beat is far behind us. The warm summer breeze kisses my skin. This girl and I walk, hand in hand, not saying a word. She leads me to a spinny. We lay down on the soft, cool grass and kiss passionately.

I go to speak but she puts a finger to my lips and shakes her head 'no'. Then she reaches up behind her and unfastens her halterneck top. Soundlessly, the flimsy fabric, damp with her sweat falls away to reveal her perfect shapely torso. Her pert breasts point upwards, her nipples large and hard.

Unfortunately I had no hardness in return...

Shit! The fucking red pills! I was softer than Mr Softy at a pillow convention in Softsville.

She straddles me and we kiss again. She was all over me, she ripped open my shirt and started fumbling for my fly. Within moments my jeans were off. She worked on my flacid package with her mouth, running her lips over the fabric of my boxers. Then, without a word, she pulled them down and tossed them into the bushes.

She took me into her mouth and sucked hard. Running her tounge over my cock with steady urgency. While she did this she removed her thong and straddled me. I could feel the heat and wet warmth between her thighs.

Then, slowly at first, my wee chap started to harden. It was an almost relegious moment. I'm sure the angels looking down at us were really fucking chuffed. Either that or taking photos.

Yes! All systems go! We have an ERECTION, repeat, we have an ERECTION!!!

Then she was riding me, hard. Pushing her pelvis onto me. God, she was so tight and wet. She slid up and down my cock like a fucking meat trombone. Her breasts were in my face, her long flaxen hair flicking at me. She purred and breathed shallow, urgent breaths. Grinding onto me, pushing me into her to the hilt.

After several minutes of thrusting I could feel my orgasm build. I could feel my cock twitch and I grasped at her perfect shoulders and bellowed:

"Red E or not, here I cum!"
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:19, 6 replies)
*click*
didnt see it coming (cumming) at all.
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:22, closed)
FOR THE FUCKING WIN
clicks
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:25, closed)
Senior Spanky
that is awfully funny. Thanks. click.
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:30, closed)
This is awsome!
clicks hard!
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:32, closed)
Thank fuck
I was just about to give up reading until next week.

Thanks, Spanks.
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:33, closed)
(Applaudes)
And Clicks
(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 16:39, closed)

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