At the end of a reasonably enjoyable holiday in Barcelona
Whilst waiting for our flight home I decided to nip to the bogs for a preflight download. After producing what felt like a sizeable trout I rose and glanced (as one does) bowlward...only to see the blackest arse missile I had ever witnessed. Suddenly the cubicle felt very small (well smaller anyway) and I started to break out in a cold sweat, what had I always heard about black shit: bowel cancer, ruptured intestines, missing gerbils. Every manner of medical horror rampaged through my confused brain. I staggered out of the lavabos, ran to my girlfriend and confronted her with the imminent loss of her beloved. She looked at me with one of those looks I would later come to recognise as absolute contempt and said, "Do you know, it could be bowel cancer...or it could be the squid ink paella you ate last night, you twat!"
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 17:35, 2 replies)

Ah, pass through colours
I remember the first time I panicked when pissing dark pink. After lots of beetroot the meal before.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 2:33, closed)

Oh hai thar person who has me on ignore.
prick
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 4:04, closed)