You ruined my childhood!
No, not letters to paedos, but rather, what did you use to love, but when modernised has sullied the whole memory?

Yeah, I mean Star Wars, but what else?
(Thebigfella, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Re-suggestion: The B3ta Travel Guide
Where is cool? What experiences are must do and what should be avoided (and why)?

Tales from B3tans abroad
(Thebigfella, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Denial
Expound on denial in all it's forms, except those that reference water based holidays in Egypt!

For example, tell us about the time you tried to get into a strip club and were turned away, or when you told everybody you really weren't addicted to World of Warcraft, whilst you spent 16 hours a day sat in your own filth. Neither of those are being pulled from personal experience by the way.....honest.
(repooc, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 22:08, Reply)

Tales which prove we aren't going to the dogs
Small things we have done or witnessed which restores our faith in the world - reassuring us that it isn't entirely populated by cunts.

I think we need an uplift.

eg: www.b3ta.com/links/670221
( zacherynuk @echo off, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 22:40, Reply)

Nosey parkers
When I worked in an open plan office I could nosey in to the intimate details of my co-workers. As delicious it is to know something you shouldn't has it ever gone too far?

One afternoon I overheard the chap I sat next to confessing to his wife he had run up 4 grand on credit cards, which had been mostly spent on drink and online poker.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Bullshit merchants
What is the biggest lie anyone has tried to slip past you and how have they tried to cringe their way around it when you have shown them you aren`t buying it, and they are sussed?

"The cheque`s in your mouth" and "I wont come in the post", etc.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Tell us about your best mate.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 8:07, Reply)

Outrageous lies in the internet
Tell us of outrageous lies that you've seen on the internet (or in the news) that have been de-bunked, and SHOW PROOF. Back it up with a video clip or other proof that someone, somewhere, has prevaricated in public.

No points will be given for merely calling bullshit. Back it up or shut up.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 21:26, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

What I found when I moved house
Having just moved I'm delighted to discover the "immaculately presented" home I've bought has some "amazingly dangerous" wiring bodges. Likewise my lovely lady won't let me clear out 1 particular cupboard at her old house.
What unexpected things have you found when you've moved home?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 17:59, Reply)

Minke Whales
Tell us your fun stories of Minke Whales. Maybe you owned one, maybe your best friend was one or was your uncle bob killed by a Minke
whale?

Tell us your stories.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

And that was when I decided to throw in the towel...
What disasterous or otherwise hilarious event brought you to the sudden realisation that you've had enough in your job, relationship or night out on the turps?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:43, 10 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Children.
Tell us about your kids.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Aug 2011, 13:42, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

this one time in disney land
what if disney characters had real lives?
snow white and the 7 chavs ?
mickey mouse the rampant fathering bastard?
dopey the dealer?
aladin the illegal immigrant?
or maybe abunazza and his filthy kebab shop?
they all have potential and maybe even a lawsuits aswell
lets see what the twisted minds of B3TA can do to childhood favourits
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 21:36, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Things that you believe are true, that are clearly not
I once argued the case that tiramisu was a Greek pudding so convincingly that the whole office believed me... until somebody Googled it, and my credibility crashed like the American credit rating.
( SnackyOx Who? What? Whang?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 19:51, Reply)

Pets
Have we done pets yet? Tell us how fucking amazing your cat/dog/stick insect is/was and how you cried for days when it was put down. Or maybe how it sniffed the Lady Mayoress' crotch one time, etc.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Sod it, I'll suggest these again
The Local Nutcase - Tell us about the weirdo in the town you live, it may even be you?

My 3 most treasured possessions (family and pets excluded) - You 3 favourite items and the story behind why, or how you came to own them?

An audience with - When have you been in front of a large audience? What did you do to be in that position? From streaking, or a school play etc
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Boozers!
Pubs are full of humanity.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 10:21, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Simple innit
Someone once said that for every seemingly insurmountable complicated problem there’s an obvious simple solution…that is invariably wrong. I reckon he was talking bollocks and that guy down the pub has been right all along. What simple solutions do you have to life’s imponderables.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

What about a rant?
How would you fix Britain / the US / Oz etc?

I'd force sterilisation on anyone that went to the supermarket in their pyjamas for one.

I'd put the obesity clinic on the ninth floor and put the lifts out of order - while making attendance at obesity clinic a condition of receiving benefit.

I'd also stop Child Benefit for anyone on higher rate tax.

And I'd return pub closing time to 11.00 and not allow alcohol to be served in clubs after that time.

I'd also introduce 'slow lanes' on pavements.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 10:44, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

The first rude thing I ever saw
Can't quite remember if it was

a. an end of the pier what the butler saw flickbook thing
b. a porn mag shoved behind a toilet in a council owned office

Both are seared into my brain.
( rob, Sat 6 Aug 2011, 9:13, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Jim'll Fix It
If "Jim" could fix it for you to have a tangible dream fulfilled or even a minor indiscretion without consequence, what would it be?

Me? I'd like to see my cousin's missus' MASSIVE norks out of their holders.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Competitive streaks
I once had a competition to see what was the biggest piece of office equipment I could fit in my mouth. What stupid bets, dares and competitions have you been involved in?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 14:16, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

What's your favourite shade of beige?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 13:37, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

How the hell did I not die???
When I was a wee fella I decided to climb the local quarry. I was about halfway up when I realise the climb was not nearly as easy as I suspected. My foot slipped and I fell for about 3-4 feet before catching a ledge and working my way top the top. On reflection, had I missed that ledged I would be TheDeadFella.

Pray tell, when did you have a miraculous escape?
(Thebigfella, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Swearing
It's not big, it's not clever but it can be funny as fuck.
The small child shouting fuck in church, the old granny muttering shitty bollocks, your parents referring to someone as a cunt.
What funny examples of swearing do you have?
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 11:18, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Mis-quotes and malapropisms
I knew a naïve lad who joined in an impromptu Beavis and Butthead impression session by declaring "I need D.P. for my bumhole."

Share your stories of mis-quotes and malapropisms.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)

PMA - Positive Mental Attitude.
When have you displayed the most inappropriate use of seeing the bright side?
(Kitty Fantastico "Dwarf, Anorexic and In a Fight ", Thu 28 Jul 2011, 7:00, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Just in case
The flip side of my suggestion below (almost).

I noticed in our bathroom cabinet this morning, an almost empty pot of hair wax stuff. I know for a fact that I've not used it since we moved here two years ago, and probably not for a couple of years before that, but I've not binned it. Lack of hair, and what's left being shorn to a 'number two' would seem to render it superfluous to requirement.

But... you never know, the comb-over may make a comeback, in which case it will come in handy again.

Mrs G regularly carries a spare bra in her bag, just in case....WHAT???

What do you keep handy just in case?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Money well spent
About ten years ago I bought proper hair trimmers for about £25. They paid for themselves in about two months by removing the need for haircuts. They must have saved me about £1,500 over the last decade and have cost nothing more except a bit of electricity.

In these cost-conscious times, tell us about the brilliant value for money purchases you've made.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 8:49, Reply)

The Local Nutcase
Every town has one, and there are always loads of rumours and myths about them. Tell us yours.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:19, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)