mmmmmm. revenge
when at school on the pc i regularly leave my account on accidently which is a great opportunity for the azzhul sitting next to me too delete all my work.....twice!!!! so when he left his unnatended and me alone i went on 30 or so gay pr0n sites and recording sounds of orgasms and shit, to put in one big ass schedule and running some scripts to delete his files all at once.i then proceeded to turn up every volume meter on the computer and set the date to ten minutes from then but i didn't press ok until after lunch. i then logged off but left every program running and went off to lunch. k.skip forwards 40 minutes i beat him back while chatting on the mobile with my freind standing a few minutes behind. he told me the asshole was coming i logged on set the timer and turned off. he got there noises and gay sites ready turned on i walked to the door,waited just outside and then it happened the PRINCIPAL walked in!!!! sounds go off, multiple IE pages change to porn, principal yells, asshole cries and i walk away the happiest little bastard ever.

BTW i was gonna go to is house with some recorded messages and hide them in a potplant so i could remotely turn them on,with,for added effect drop down gay porn but how the hell would a 12 year old get ahold of gay porn?
sorry bad question.
sorry for biggness
(That guy with a hat., Sat 15 May 2004, 2:25, Reply)

sorry for how long this is
1: my mate poured blue curacao on my other mates pants at leeds festival - so he shaved off his pubes - and a good few of us had a good pee on his coat - the pubes were added - as were salt/vinegar/vodka/beer/suntan lotion/veg oil/anything else we could find - when he saw his coat he simply stood there and cried.

A 'mate' of mine who was a dick when i was used to work with him - he came into the pub i worked boasting about his new 'corporate' job - so when his friends came to the bar i told them he got fired for being caught wanking over porn at work - they left soon after.

i got a load of abusive texts from a lad (i know who it was) - really blatant disgusting abuse - so i asked him to stop and he carried on - so my brother set up an ISDN line to ring his mobile every 30 seconds for two days - even with his mobile off this would leave a message about 4 seconds long every single time.

Another mate who pissed me off - i put his number on some five pound notes saying "my life is shit - ring me on..."

i got another person's phone and text "mum mobile" and "dad mobile" saying he's finally realised that he truely feels he's gay.

sending stuff to someone's house is a good one - you can always get free samples of tampax and stuff like that and make up a name - i sent free samples of 'thrush information magazine" to a 'friend'

Probably the worst things i've done to people who really piss me off is steal their mobile and text whoever's "hi hunny"-ing in their inbox telling them to fuck off and stuff.

Me, two mates and an ex-girlfriend - she was being a bitch all night so i wrote "bellend" ( i think - i remember it being offensive - might have been "nob" - i'm drunk ok? ) on her head- we then drew all over my friend and filmed it - and filmed her asleep with "nob" on her head. We woke her up and showed her the film - she found it hilarious until the tony hart inspired 'galley moment' focused on her face. She watched it with this still on her face btw.

I'm very drunk and thats as much as i can think of for now.
(stomm, Sat 15 May 2004, 2:18, Reply)

Hated Headmaster
General non-specific revenge:

1)take a tub of fishing maggots.
2)wait til you know the headmaster is going away for the weekend
3)deposit maggots through letterbox on the Friday night.
4)Wait for the maggots to develop into a storm of large stinking bluebottles that filled his house for weeks after.

Best part - the HMs wife - a trooper of a german lass who was well liked by all - when asked about it later:

"I made him clean it all up - after all, they're his boys, not mine"
( gp_guineapig, Sat 15 May 2004, 2:13, Reply)

Flashing Mrs. Sulligan
I few years back, I had this really strict, humorless bitch for a teacher who lived in a house close to where I was living at the time. Anyway, I was walking with my “friend”, who had just gotten done with about 45 mins of whining about her life, and about 20 mins of bitching at me for some reason that I can no longer recall. She was wearing a really stupid looking tube top, I was annoyed, tipsy, and her stupid bitch rant was really really hard to take seriously. As we were passing Ms. Sulligan’s house, my friend pointed out that she was scowling at us through her window. At that moment, the circumstances took control, and I reached over, and yanked down that stupid orange tube top, and exposed my friend’s not-so-hot looking bosom. It was a wonderful.
(Hamstertoes, Sat 15 May 2004, 1:44, Reply)

Work Classic...
Facing redundancy, and a deserted office I did the only thing that anyone would normally do. I saved their entire client list to a floppy disc, along with contact details, profit margins, and erm, offered them to their nearest competitors. Who weren't offering me redunancy. Sweet.

But best of all, I was working for an objectionable, powermad amateur who clearly was in way out of his depth. He would mouth off in meetings, and tried to get me fired because I frequently told him he was talking shit (and breaking the law). They threw it all at me, loads of disciplinary procedures (including one instigated by the fact that my train was cancelled and I was late for work one day), and tried to get me out every opportunity they had. It was like being at school and being bullied. By the headmaster.

After about 18 months I was offered a promotion, working at Head Office in the position he thought I wasn't good enough to do in the pissant backwater. I also doubled my salary overnight. There was a problem. The problem was he took his orders from the Head Office in London, and had to clear all his major projects through them. And they all had to come through my office. To my desk. So I had the power to veto anything he wanted to do. And I used it. All the time.

That was a beautiful, beautiful year. I would approve everyone else's projects willy nilly, but his proposals were always torn to pieces and he never got his way. Very very very nice. And he couldn't complain. Who would he complain to? Me. And my boss. Who knew he was a snivelling cunt of the most amateurish order.

He was later made redundant. And not one person turned up to his leaving do. NOT ONE.
(domesticterrorist, Sat 15 May 2004, 0:06, Reply)

Luveryly Act of Revenge
One word- my roomie has her "pet" laptop, plastered with bishonen pictures of Anime Sirius Black (from Harry Potter), and GOT ON MY NERVES SOOOO OFTEN. She acts all prissy, so we ( using the Almighty We, meaning me and my friends) changed it to all (custom-drawn) Snape fan graphics. Like, Snape kissing Lily Potter and such... she literally screamed when her screensaver went up. It was "Snape is sexy." All the programming was done by her ex- living in LA. Oooh... poor bitch
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Fri 14 May 2004, 23:42, Reply)

Tea Time
Oh well here is my poor effort.

A few months ago my boss was giving me a really hard time at work, everything I did was wrong, couldn’t do anything right. During the afternoon he had me type up this long document and being a rush job (I mean who gives their secretary an urgent document to type up at 12.30 p.m., when he needs it for a meeting at 1.00 !!). Anyway, there were a "few" spelling mistakes in it, only one or two, and during the meeting he picked these up and ripped into me calling me dyslexic, stupid the works.

At 1.30 he asked me to make tea for him and his clients, so off I trot to the kitchen to make tea. Anyhow, I made his clients a nice cuppa but when I opened the bin to throw the teabags away I saw some old, smelly, cold used ones from the morning break … so being the nice person I am, I used the ones out of the bin to make his tea with. He drank it, nothing was said, and later that afternoon when the meeting ended he even commented that it was a loverly cuppa.
(Copes, Fri 14 May 2004, 23:35, Reply)

revenge
Seeing all these posts about the things that have been done to people whilst passed out drunk, reminded me of something. I worked out in Spain in 1988 for a season. There were 7 blokes sharing a 4 bed apartment - nice... Anyway one of the guys (W.) used to get so arseholed every night on tequila, that he would literally pass out on his bed, however before he'd do this he'd make a huge mess in the kitchen and swear blind in the morning that it wasn't him, because he couldn't remember doing it. Anyway, one night J. had had enough, so when W. did his usual and passed out, bollo, on his metal framed bed, J. decided he would act. He proceeeded to use gaffa tape and string to firmly tie W. down. The resulting noise and screaming mess when W. woke up in the morning, dying for a piss and feeling sick, had us in fits for weeks. Needless to say, etc, etc.
(bobaw069, Fri 14 May 2004, 23:21, Reply)

Not realy revenge per se... but i didn't like the girl
My cousin was over for the weekend, and in about 2 months he'd be heading off for college. We sat around for a while wondering what to do. Then it struck me... take a shit in someones driveway. Well we figured that to be "too dangerous" so instead we opted for a Folgers Coffee can instead. It took my cousin about and hour to shit in the can, because it took "alot of acrobatics". So we hopped on the golfcart (i'm spoiled) and went cruising for a target. We find this house, which has been wrapped, so my cousin told be wait about 100 feet out, so he could run and we'd be off.

Little did I know that it was that girls house, and I was well surprised.
(hotdogwheel, Fri 14 May 2004, 23:10, Reply)

Remembered 1 more.
I had to get back at someone for playing a practical joke on me while I was asleep. I waited till he nodded off one warm and sunny afternoon following a barbeque and a fair amount of beer and then decorated his face with permanent marker. But not just any marker, oh no, it was a special pen that is used for marking steel girders with particularly indelible ink. The mess (which was photogrpahed and emailed to a fair few people) was there for at least 3 weeks.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 14 May 2004, 22:31, Reply)

Annoying people
Most of these stories have involved a person who no-one likes, but who always hangs around you and doesn't take the hint. We had this gimp,who followed us around, and one day we went to lazer quest, in the middle of the game we all decided to leave,hang the lazer packs on the wall, and catch the last bus home. leaving said gimp stranded in the lazer quest, unawares that we were in comfort on the last bus home. Another guy really fucked me off, so i put his name on a gay friend finders site,sent the gas board round to his house, and ordered 6 of the most expensive pizza's from our local pizza place. Was amusing.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 14 May 2004, 22:23, Reply)

A family tale of revenge
When my grandfather was serving in the US army, he was stationed in Alaska. At one point, he was staying in a multi level barracks, which was also very unforgiving on the soldiers having sweets and soda. My grandfather devised a way of hiding a soda by attaching it to a hook and lowering it outside his window, keeping it outside and dangling on the side of the building until he wanted to drink it. Unfortunately, someone on the floor below him knew what he was up to and kept taking his soda and leaving him an empty bottle. After having enough of that trickery, he decided to piss in the bottle rather than leave real soda up there. No one ever took his soda again.
(Nickface, Fri 14 May 2004, 21:56, Reply)

Noisy neighbour
we used to get on fine with the girl where we used to live til this divvy yob moved in with her and played his music SO F(*&^%$G loud....and wouldnt turn it down

So one night and other nights i used to fill up a trigger bottle and spray their clothes ( still on the line ) with piss

Imagine when they ironed it



lmao revenge is sweet indeed they still dont know
(Moid, Fri 14 May 2004, 21:31, Reply)

PS
I am drunk right now so please forgive the grammar
(manicbranic, Fri 14 May 2004, 21:25, Reply)

When we were
working in Newcastle, our supervisor was a girl. Nothing wrong with that. She graduated fron UC and felt that she attained perfection.
Bitch. She flirted and led on mercilessly, esp with a few of the programmer guys who have only seen their mothers genitalia when they were coming out of it. A few things went wrong with the project and she claimed to have enough clout to not only to have us fired, but to have our company fire us. Esp the same programmer guys she fucked up. Bitch. My buddy Dave and his brother Guy took decided this couldnt stand. So we went out with her and a few other office rats to some grill place and we proceeded to get her drunk. ( I always seem to do that with Dave) We went back to his house and got her to do some very rowdy things, i.e. along the lines of sexual perversion. Lets just say that I didnt know the female human body was that flexible, and I am not sitting at the dining table ever again. Of course we took pics to make sure she didnt follow through on her claims. She actually broke down and cried. Bitch.
(manicbranic, Fri 14 May 2004, 21:23, Reply)

biatch ex girlfriend
About 4 years ago when I was having a particulary messy break up with my ex-girlfriend, who had been seeing some guy she worked with for about 2 months behind my back. I thought it time to exact some revenge.
First I posted her mum and dad some interesting pictures of their beloved daughter, one was pic of her doing a line of coke another was a pic of her giving head. I also posted my ex some pics of me boning some random girl on the bed we shared together for 3 years. Ahh..revenge is sweet.
(DoCoMo, Fri 14 May 2004, 21:13, Reply)

Revenge
when i was younger and i was on a "weekend stay" school trip to somewhere (cant remeber), me and my friends had to share a room with a snobby cow from another school anyway, she had this teddy she couldnt live without and wouldnt let anyone touch, so one day when she wasnt in the room, we took the stiching out from the neck so when she picked it up the head fell off, hehe! She deserved it!
(deathphoiadeath, Fri 14 May 2004, 20:47, Reply)

More Goatse "Goodness"
Complete fuckwit at school. Self-absorbed, arrogant, etc. Also, thankfully, extremely gullible.

For some unknown reason, me and a mate were talking about... something (I forget what) and the conversation drifted to goatse (again, I forget why). Aforementioned prick appeared out of nowhere like he hs a talent for doing, and asks what goatse is. Of course, we don't tell him, and getting more pissed off, he threatens to search for it on Google Images. Thinking this was too great an opportunity to miss, we tell him to do just that. So he does.

But then what does he do? Only tells everyone how he's just looked at a man's arse.
(Passer-by no. 88, Fri 14 May 2004, 20:15, Reply)

My fuckwit mate rob
crashed out drunk and unconscious on my sofa, and in his pissed state lashed out with his leg and kicked over my table covered in bottles, ashtrays and other party debris. the resulting mess of smashed glass / minging remains of beer / fag-ends all over my nice carpet was the final straw in an ongoing saga, so i decided (in my vodka-redbulled state) to stitch him up.

we dressed him up for some pictures, posing with my housemates fetish ware (thats a 10-inch dildo in his ear), then cleaned him up so that he had idea when he woke up.

the pictures were then posted off to "front" magazine for a section called "mate in a state". i then waited 4 weeks until our friends 21st birthday party - every person we knew was there including many members of robs family as well as his mum. the new issue of "front" had come out that morning (it was the issue with victoria silverted on the cover).

i got the dj to stop the music and get rob up on stage to recive a prize for the best costume (it was a fancy dress party and rob was smuggly wearing a storm-trooper outfit that had cost a fortune to hire). his face was a picture when instead he was presented with a framed page from "front" with the picture below in the center. he just stood for about 2 minutes with his brain trying to accept what his eye where telling him, whilst about 200 hundred people (including his mum) passed the pic round and pointed and laughed their ass off at him!

cunt - that will learn him!


(son of crazymum, Fri 14 May 2004, 20:05, Reply)

Dear diary
After going away for a few days I decided to peruse my boyfriend's diary and check he hadn't been up to anything untoward. Well, he'd cheated on me. More than once, and pretty much throughout our entire relationship. Coincidentally, when I was away I'd hooked up with an ex, so I made an entry of my own, even going to the trouble of forging his handwriting, and gave a detailed account, which I didn't embellish...much. Took the twunt 4 days to notice. Needless to say, we're not together anymore.
(Acherusia, Fri 14 May 2004, 19:25, Reply)

hair gel
I had recently broken up with my boyfriend and was round his house hanging out with our mutual friends when i discovered that he had started seeing someone the day of the split.

As you can imagine i was little pissed off so when i went to the bathroom to go to the loo i drizzled some piss in his hair gel and mixed it in!

Three weeks later i bumped into him at a club, and being a wee bit merry I informed him that he had been walking around with my pee in his hair for weeks.

Next time i saw be he'd shaved his head!
(asil-b, Fri 14 May 2004, 19:04, Reply)

It wasn't me....your honour!
When I first started at uni, i somehow managed to move in with two bisexual drug dealers and a wannabe goth called alan who was too scared of his arents to actually go the whole goth route. And another lad called steve who was (IS?) as horrible as me.
We picked on Alan mercilessly, as you would. But the wanton revenge was commited against the bi drug dealers who were dealing from our house, poking each others areas and getting deeper into sh!t with some very scary people.

At every opportunity we would piss into the washing machine when they had left clothes in, crack in an egg or two and put it on spin.
There were various episodes of releaving ourselves over drying washing, bits of food, aftershave etc.

The serious act was commited, not by myself as I was too chicken to do this, but by the irrepresible steve.

He found, in our fridge, one of their curries that was sitting waiting to be finished under some cling film....a brown curry...uh huh. He took this upstairs and proclaimed that he was indeed going to number 2 in said foodstuff, I naturally thought this was a lie. He then came back with the plate and in the middle was an odd looking piece of brown meat which quickly dissappeared after he stirred it in with a stick he found in the garden.
Later on whilst making a spot of tea i saw the owner of the meal pull it out of the fridge, smell it (at which point I thought he surely must notice a slight wang...), and said "smells ok still" and whacked it in a pan. I stood there choking on both the smell and the tears of laughter and legged it upstairs..... I came back some time later to see him eating the last mouhfulls. At which point i ran to tell steve of his triumph and promtly hurled on the stairs!

They 'kin deserved it, we had to call the cops so many times to get rid of their mates, and we soon moved out.
(jamesrdav, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:53, Reply)

Similar one to the autocorrect below, damn similar :)
Right wanker in our college group, despised by everyone. One day I added his name as an Autocorrect entry in Word, and told it to replace it with his name plus " is a fucking wanker" on the end.

Y'see, I knew the silly twunt typed whilst looking at the keyboard, and never proof-read his work :D

Result? Handing in at least two college assignments with "Sylvia Wiss* is a fucking wanker" on the top of each page ;)

*Name changed to protect the innocent, and me should said person ever read this and want to beat me up ;)
( GazChap, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:47, Reply)

oh the tragedy
Boarding school was always fun, simply because we had a lot more time on our hands.

Our friend (or foe) in question was a malicious man, managing to piss off every and any person who spoke to him. One summer friday, he thought it'd be funny to place some grounded up bogcakes into our studies, and see our reaction. We had enough, and took it one step further.

On saturday leave, me and a few others went down to the local kwiksave and bought as much cheap bog roll as we could with our collective money, about 90-100 quid in total i think, then about a tenners worth of cheap and nasty bogcakes. after getting some funny looks from the cashier, we then clambered back to his study room, and started the dirty work. we crunched up the bogcakes into a fine dust, mixed it with urine and threw it all over his bed, desk and floor. then filled the room with the paper.

After filling his entire room with toilet paper (to cover the smell of piss), literally past head height, we waited with glee as he came back from leave monday. A little pissed off, he started clearing up the bog paper, until a while later we heard a yell from our lounge:

"What's that smell? This ain't fuckin funny you know"

little to say, we thought it was. He left the school at the end of the year.
(happyhardcoregabbatechno, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:46, Reply)

Roomate revenge
Last year a month before I was moving out before the end of uni we all decided to get our revenge on my roomate:

1. Two weeks before the end during exams we all took turns beating off onto his pillow.
2. We found Some cheese in the fridge that had gone off six months ago, we proceeded to stuff it inside his matress.
3. On the last day when we were cleaning up the house and waiting for the landlord to come rund and take the keys from us, we went upstairs, dismantled his bed and gave him the screws.

He'd also stayed at his girlfriends one night because he was too drunk to get home so we decided to take part his bed and put it together in the sitting room. Replete with matress, quilt and pillow.


I had to get revenge on a friend recently so I put quite alot of shower gel on his windscreen wipers.
I was quite lucky in that he didn't start using them when he was driving.
I also put his car up for sale in a local paper for €50.
(giantstompymechafloyd, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:38, Reply)

Farewell coursework A grades
Cunt at school, complete cock, I hated him. My mate had just told me about a prank to pull with someones microsoft word autocorrect.
So next time we're computering away for gcse coursework, and the stupid cock turns around, I leap into action. 'I' becomes 'I fuck men all day long', 'me' becomes 'Me, I like fucking men' and so on. The best bit was he was such an utter shaft he didnt even notice :D
(lifelikeandposeable, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:33, Reply)