Oh and
My parents live in a fairly posh bit of Belfast. A few years ago, the neighbours sold up, their house was demolished and a small close of six or seven Barrett-style homes went up.

Now, there had previously been sharp words between my dad and one of the new neighbours who had taken to cutting back other people's trees & shrubs if he reckoned they encroached on "his" land (i.e. anywhere at all within the close, which does not in any way belong to him). So my old man explained a few concepts to him, such as trespass, criminal damage, theft, going equipped, various conspiracy offences etc and no more was heard...

That is, until my dad got someone in to cut the lawn a couple of weeks ago. He parked his van on the corner of the road into the close next door, and this bloke came piling out of his house to remonstrate. There was much waving of arms and shouting the odds, until the offended party came out with: "Do you know who you are dealing with here? Do you know who I am? I AM EAMONN HOLMES' BROTHER!!!" Followed by the all-too-rare sight of the gardener actually rolling on the floor laughing his arse off.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Thu 25 Aug 2005, 21:04, Reply)