Last one...
Our school used to have a yearly 'school camp' outing, which was as tedious as 5 days in a field can be for 15 year olds. Given the state of the 2 portaloo's (wasps/ants a plenty) I vowed to piss against trees and simply not shit till I got back.

I hadn't counted on the amount of food that we'd be eating (not to mention the full cooked breakfast I'd had the morning we'd got there). And so, rolling around in my tent in complete agony on the last night, I decided to take a shit. Not just any shit, a stealthy ninja shit.

I scrabbled in the dark with a roll of Andrex in hand (I'm not an animal) and walked until I felt I was far enough away from the camp, squatted and dropped away. I finished up and went back to sleep contented and relaxed.

It was the next morning when I saw my French teacher clutching reams of shitty toilet paper that I realised my mistake, I hadn't accounted for the wind that night... It had blown my used toilet tissue all across one side of the camp site and now, visibly retching, a grown man was plucking poo-paper from the branches of a tree.

As he walked passed asking no-one in particular "Who would bloody do something so bloody stupid!", I shook my head and tried to look angry, puzzled and innocent. Of course I should have said "Me! It was me!"
( moonjam, Thu 6 May 2004, 0:09, Reply)