Pearoast from 'Family Holidays'
**** The Director's Cut: edited a little bit, because I can, so there ****

When I turned four my parents decided it was time for our first family holiday. My younger brother was barely 18 months old, so a trip abroad would have been hell. Plus we couldn't afford it, so Butlins* was the natural second choice. By the end of an exhausting week (for my parents), all the kids in the camp were rounded up for a final magic show with a sensational prize: a HUGE bucket full of lollipops.

Believe me when I say I wanted those lollies more than anything before or since.

Dad was looking after my sleeping brother at the back of the room, so I pressed forwards into the pre-school mosh pit at the front, hoping it might increase my chances of winning the magical tub of sugarjoy.

Tension built as the magician rummaged around in a top hat full of our names. Finally, to a chorus of rapturous squeaks he produced a crumpled scrap of paper and announced... somebody else. I remember feeling gutted and sulking immediately. In the background I could hear my dad shouting something but I was too consumed with grief to care. Eventually, my attention re-focused on the stage as the magician was still waiting for someone to come forwards. He kept repeating the winner's name, and each time he did so, dad's calls to me drifted pointlessly over the sea of kiddynoise, into one ear, and straight out the other.

The magician grew bored and asked his pint-sized audience if he should draw another name. The reply was a resounding, fever-pitch “YAY!” from all of the mewling brats below. I shouted louder than anyone, struggling to believe that I’d been granted a second chance to win all those lollies.

By now, dad was wading through the swirling maelstrom of ankle-biters towards the front of the stage, which only made me more determined to win before he took me back home. Just as he got within grabbing distance, the magician announced a second name. The winner (a girl standing right next to me) bounced three feet onto the stage to claim her prize. I felt my eyes welling up with tears.

These were soon shaken away as I received a clip round the ear from my fuming father. The first name the magician announced had been my baby brother’s, so my dad had been shouting at me to put my hand up on his behalf. My lolly-induced tunnel vision and selective hearing, combined with exceptional 4-year old naivety meant I’d ignored my bro's name and missed out on a share in the ultimate prize.

When I realised the magnitude of my error five seconds later I cried for the rest of the week and had recurring nightmares about it for years afterwards. My dad and brother still remind me of what could have been every single time they see anything lollipop-related.

I’m 29.


* For those who haven't experienced Butlins, it's similar to Auschwitz but with more clowns.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 4:02, 11 replies)

I just cried for you
a little bit*

*could be a lie

I did click though!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 4:18, closed)

Fanks!
I'd give you a lolly, but...
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 5:08, closed)

Ah, but your teeth will thank you,
one day.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 5:32, closed)

I bet that girl
is a real fattie now. JMG would not approve.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 6:37, closed)

Click!
Like it. I think you were well within your rights to give your little bro a kicking when you got back to the room... It was obviously his fault...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:06, closed)

I missed out on clicking this the last time...
...so you can have one this time instead.
(Armour Dillow, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:20, closed)

Yay!
Have a click. Seriously though, it was for the best.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:04, closed)

I feel your pain
*click*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:21, closed)

I never experienced Butlins
We only ever went to Haven (or something like that), which is similar to Butlins but with more diseases.
( Moey, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:27, closed)

Fear
I'm not looking forward to this aspect of having children.
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:31, closed)

wasn't it you
who had the traumatic threesome funky love juice experience ? Has your whole life been a series of events which have been nearly really good but not quite ? . And can you tell me what numbers you would pick for the lottery draw this week , so I can change each of them by one and win .
( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:55, closed)