Facebook can't buy you class
I had a housemate last year who was a cunt of such intensity even a gangbanged prostitute's minge looked like a page from the Bible in comparison. This was a man with a head so far up his arse he'd not only be smug about it, but boast about just how spacious it was. For the sake of example, let's call him Gav (firstly, because it's his name, and secondly because I wouldn't mind exposing him further on the internet)

Gav was your standard chavvy facebook/myspace addict who met 'his soulmate' on one fateful night and within two weeks was talking about weddings and proceeding to get matching tattoos on their backs. The lady in question fulfilled the typical criteria of fake blonde hair, fake tan, fake personality and an absolute daddy's girl who has had everything given to her since before conception. God had scraped the barrel of culture and human decency for the pair of them and topped it up with arrogance.

The only thing Gav loved more than his missus was football. He was captain of my university's 3rd reserve football team (just to give you an idea in retrospect of his skill), and tried to flaunt the Y chromosome whenever possible. The team suffered 20 straight embarrassing defeats because "they hadn't passed the ball to him enough", and he was pretty much mutinied out of his role and left to boast about himself.

Alas, I digress. Gav and his missus had been together less than a month and were already talking about their big day. Being the technological sort, most of Gav's family was on facebook, where he went to write on their walls about how lovebitten and romantic he was and just how perfect and lovely the lady in question could be. Memories of how they wooed were brought up and everyone felt just a bit smug about it all. FoxyBadger hates smug more than most things, and was not standing for it.

I placed a little reality checker post on his profile with the full intention of his family to read it, roughly as follows:

"Dude, I can't believe what you two got up to in the middle of Oceana! Pulling is one thing, but she actually let you finger her in the middle of the dance floor in front of fuck knows how many people? That's one weird fetish mate. Rumour has it you didn't know her name until the night after. Did you tell her you pulled Emma that night and she was okay with it? (Her best mate at uni. Name made up due to the fact I can't remember the bimbo's real name). Anyway, talk to you later mate"

That went down like the Hindinberg. Threats were made. Pants were pissed. High fives among other associates were exchanged. I topped it all off by keylogging his computer one day, taking his facebook profile's password and changing his profile picture to one of him wearing solely his girlfriend's thong before spamming his close friends, football colleagues and family with messages asking if the lingerie was too tight for his package. He was laughed out of the foootball team's social circle so fast it would make your eyes bleed and his sister sent the pic to all his mates back home.

Hell, I hated that guy. I have my reasons which I won't go into I have now been forced by the internet to adhere to. Gav was well known for never paying his way for a damn thing. Our gas and electricity was on a pay as you go meter, and in the entirity of the year he'd placed about £50 on it and left the rest for us to top up to. That came to a good £200 or so each. Furthermore, after locking himself out the house one night on a night out he proceeded to smash the front door in, bust my door open and inform me that if I ever locked the door again he'd do nothing short of kill me before fobbing the bill from the landlord onto me. He'd bang on my window at 4am when I'd have an exam in 5 hours just to remind me that I was going to fail. Anyway, his missus has dropped out of uni now to study fashion instead of law (lol) and he's unemployed. Match point Foxy.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Mon 15 Sep 2008, 16:44, 15 replies)

if you don't go into your reasons for hating him
you are going to be widely branded a cunt

you might accept that, which is fine.

I'd like to know though :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 16:56, closed)

to be honest...
unless the guy raped your mum, that's a bit shit. If they were happy, even if they were a couple of chavs, there is no justifaction in destroying that, especially considering you are then upsetting their families as well.

If you have a problem with someone, grow a pair and confront them, don't be such a passive-aggressive twat about it, because I can bet that whatever "harm" he might have done to you is more likely to be bruising your ego, whereas you have just destroyed an engagement and upset two familes. How utterly fucking self-involved.
(Chad, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 16:58, closed)

hear hear
couldn't have said it better myself.
( gypsy turnips, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 17:03, closed)

yes, so
*why* was he a cunt?
( rofl harris, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 17:10, closed)

The internet: Serious Business
Damn your skills of persuasion oh mighty b3tans!
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Mon 15 Sep 2008, 17:26, closed)

hmmm
with your editing skills he now no longer sounds like a victim.

hurrah for cunt bashing :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 17:36, closed)

just out of interest
how much of the above behaviour from him was before and how much was after you started acting like a complete cock on his Facebook profile?

if he didn't pay his way, tell him. If he broke a door down, make him pay for it (why did you lock him out, anyway?). It's not rocket science.

christ, if people actually bothered to grow a fucking pair, man up and sort out these things by talking face to face, situations like this wouldn't happen.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 17:42, closed)

You are working on the presumption
that everyone has the capacity to be a decent human being, which has been far from my experience of life.

Cunt him in the fuck, I say.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 12:27, closed)

Quite possibly
but still, face to face, in real life. trying to get pointless petty revenge by changing shit in his facebook profile is probably the last refuge of the terminally pathetic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 15:26, closed)

Congratulations.
You appear to be a massive wanker.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 21:35, closed)

Wot Chad said.
Oh, yeah, what Chad said indeed.
( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 23:04, closed)

"Threats were made. Pants were pissed. "
Excellent! I'm still giggling. May I use this?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 4:27, closed)

Oceana
is shit. That's pretty much all.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 10:40, closed)

yeah
eleventything the 'youre a cock' vibe if you did that. Oh and admitting to a few crimes along the way.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:16, closed)

"Anyway, his missus has dropped out of uni now to study fashion instead of law"

What funny about that? What's the point in studying something you don't want to and paying thousands for the privilege?
(lei, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 0:37, closed)