Mc Hammer 'i like big buts' alternative lyrics
i like bukkae an' i cannot lie
Came right in yo' girfriend' eye
That girl looks up, you know that she loves the taste
My thing in yo' face. You got SPUNKED
Gunna pull out first, but you know that u bin FUCKED
All over her face shes smearing
Im hooked an i cant stop swearing
shit baby, fuckin get it inya
the shit dont get much sicka' (sicker)
My gonads are gently warrrrming
This shit just gets me horrrney
Ohh, cream covered skin
Your bathing in my man milk
In you hair, excuse me!
Cuz i came upon your booooooty
i seen my chance in
cuming on your fat chin
She's great, wet.
Got it goin like a sprinkler set
I'm tired o' magazines
Sayin this shit is obscene
Take the average Jap man and ask him that
She gotta knock some back
So fella's (yeah) Fella's (yeah)
Does your girlfriend want the shot (hell yeah)
So tell em just to take it (Take it)
Take it (take it)
lap it like a mutt (cringe worthy- sorry)
Baby get back
(eyes open while im shooting)
Baby get back
(eyes open while im shooting)
(eyes open while im shooting)
(davemate11, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 15:08, Reply)

I'm A Believer.
Market research suggests The Monkees would have been more famous today if they had sung these words to I'm a believer.

Clicky me!

Sorry about teh hideous amounts of out-of-synq-ness, I'll get there one day.
( Quijibo Esq. BSc. May contain traces of nuts, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 14:43, Reply)

Prolly been done
but at my first school we didn't have hymm books so we had to learn everything by wrote... I always wondered why he was...

the lord of the dance setee
(Shifty weeeee, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 14:35, Reply)

This has probably been said already...
but I can't be arsed to trawl through 20-odd pages, but the jobby game reminds me of the vagina game. Just replace a word in a song title with 'vagina'.

"While My Vagina Gently Weeps"
"Smells Like Teen Vagina"
"Fake Plastic Vaginas"

You get the idea.
(Arnolfini wasn't feeling very funny on, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 13:56, Reply)

big brown jobby
the best word in the english language ever has to be "jobby". replace any word of a song with jobby....

we built this jobby, we built this jobby on rock and roll...
(i_walk_bing_crosbys_dog, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 13:48, Reply)

Toxic
'I'm addicted to glue, dont you know that it's toxic'..

And judging by the state of her skin these days i would say that she is...
(Trimble, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 13:38, Reply)

Careful Scoobs
Don't criticise anything on here - you might end up being called a party pooper, or even worse, you could be threatened with "message board violence and death".

Raaargh! Turn and run for your life, misery monger!
(Ian Maiden, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 13:18, Reply)

Whoops! Where's my Thribble?
In AC/DC's "Walk all over you" (on the Highway to Hell LP), the late Bonn Scott is quite clearly singing "I'm gonna wank all over you", the dirty little tyke.
(LunarJim, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 12:44, Reply)

My brother and I used to sing
(to the tune of Perfect Day by Lou Reed)

"It's such an offal day
I'm glad intestine with you
Oh such an offal day
You just kidney hanging on
You just kidney hanging on"

I recently recorded it:

www.nottingham.ac.uk/~pcxee/offal.htm
( giant_squid, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 12:38, Reply)

Sorry
(To the tune of "Yellow Submarine")
On a board I often read
Toy-pram ejection was plain to see
And it stemmed from a dull topic
For a question of the week
(Everybody?) it’s time for a new question of the week,
Question of the week,
Question of the week
(Scoobs, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 12:17, Reply)

there was a song in the 80's
that seemed to have a reggae touch to it,I don't know what it was called but it consisted mostly of "looking in her big brown eyes".
nuff said.
(That guy with a hat., Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:57, Reply)

yet another...
to the tune of "i look good in leather"*;
I look good in rubber
I am just your slave
I look good in rubber
Hit me with that whip...
*I think it was written by some twat from N*E*R*D.
(That guy with a hat., Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:53, Reply)

Or my lovely sales job and comfy office chair!
Bring it on my arse,

pick a window mate, yer leaving!
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Bring it on,
you tiresome twat.

Don't worry, I will now be 'getting to fuck'. Presumably, while you 'get back to double maths and your packed lunch'.

Miserable git? That's a compliment, my friend.
(Ian Maiden, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:28, Reply)

eyes
choose any song that contains the word 'eyes' and replace it with 'arse'. soppy balad-type songs that involve phrases about gazing into her eyes and such like are the best.
(symmetrycat, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:26, Reply)

Gala's 90's classic hit
as sung by my mum...

my love ain't got no money,
he's got his trampoline
(mouse, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:24, Reply)

Macey Gray classic
...as sung by a mechanic at the garage when I was waiting for my car to be fixed:

I could say goodbye and I choke,
try to walk away and I stumble,
though I try and hide it it's clear
I blow bubbles when you are not here.

Better than the original if you ask me
(spook, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 11:08, Reply)

Retaliate to people who don't like the QOTW........
Rainbow - "Kill the cunt"

should be king, but it seemed fitting for this moment!

Now get to fuck miserable git

Rant over, steps off soapbox
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 10:57, Reply)

Oh dear.....
Those people who said the 'black sheep' QOTW was the most depressing ever clearly should have waited until they saw this bunch of shite.
(Ian Maiden, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 10:36, Reply)

One year at Christmas
I was very demoralized when I found out that my bonus was one tenth that of a newly hired engineer. Literally one tenth- he got two thousand dollars, while I got two hundred (and then the fucker had the goddam gall to bitch about how much tax he had to pay!). So I ran around singing,

"Have a corporate kinda Christmas,
it's the phoniest time of year.
Laugh and be hearty at the Christmas party
and kiss the boss's rear.

Have a corporate kinda Christmas,
and chase that extra pay
'cause you know that it's your cash flow
that makes the holiday!"

There was more, but you get the idea. Needless to say, the next Christmas I was working elsewhere. No bonus at all at the new place, but no one else got one either- it was a tiny firm.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 3 Feb 2005, 9:06, Reply)

oh i wish i was a student again NOT
On the friday night bus from halls into town, picking up the toffs from Wills Hall...

The Wills on the bus go ra, ra, ra
ra ra ra
ra ra ra...
(chesty, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 8:27, Reply)

justin timberlake...
'cry me a river' became 'fry me a liver'

Stupid german teachers.
(Attention Whore, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 7:58, Reply)

Angel Eyes
My friend gave birth at 7:02 am this morning, just to fill you in, she's a 6' blond amazonian Scottish lass, he's a 4'10" Thai bloke.
Baby (girl, Tylin) looks like daddy.

"Look into her Asian eyes
One look and you're hypnotized
She'll take our hearts and she will change your lives
Look into her Asian eyes
We know we're in paradise
And one day she'll find out she was a surprise
Just look so deep into those Asian eyes"

Seriously though, mommy, baby, daddy are all doing great :D

I just made that one up for the baby :D
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 6:12, Reply)

Christmas before Y2K...
a couple friends and I had nothing better to do than this...

Silver balls, Silver balls, It's new years eve in the city
3-2-1, see them run, soon we'll all die, Y2K!

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, In the air there's a feeling of terror.
Children screaming, people fleeing, chaos spreads all the while, and from every street corner you see....

Silver balls, Silver balls...etc.

Strings of street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the looters rush home with their treasures.
Hear the bones crunch, see the blood gush, this is santa's big scream and above all the bustle you see....

Silver balls, Silver balls...etc.

Fun times!
(ok, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 3:31, Reply)

Seal - kiss from a rose
"and my eyes become lard"
(happyhardcoregabbatechno, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 2:46, Reply)

duran duran
"reach up for the sunrise"

reach up for the sunrise,
put your hands into the pig sty..
(harmless kitty, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 1:27, Reply)

I have 2 more
in snoop dogg's Drop it like it's hot replace "drop it like it's hot" with "take it in the arse"

and the CSI theme,"jooooooooiiin the armyyyyy,ooh ooh ooh ooh"

edit:just thought of another,not a misheard lyric but more of a bash.org quote.it's the yellow submarine by the beatles;
" i and my comrades posess as our place of residence the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled boyancy controlled ship of war!"
linky
(That guy with a hat., Thu 3 Feb 2005, 0:46, Reply)

My Crazy Mother...
Sting - message in a bottle

"its been 7 weeks since i wrote my note" became "its been 7 weeks since i broke my nose"

Destinys Child - Say my name

"say my name say my name" became
"lemonade, lemonade" - i suppose its not that strange, they did sing about jelly!

oh, and when i sang Birmingham (where we live) instead of vertigo on that U2 track in the newsletter last week for a joke, my mom looked all smug, turned to my dad and said "see, i told you it was Birmingham"
(pleasedeletemeplease, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 0:29, Reply)

yellow sybmarine
in reply to Emma, we used to sing one similar, with a slight glaswegian take on it...

WE ALL LIVE IN A CATHOLIC HOUSING SCHEME
WE'RE GOING TO PAINT IT GREEN,
CELTIC IS OUR TEAM.
(i_walk_bing_crosbys_dog, Thu 3 Feb 2005, 0:27, Reply)

Puff in the bible?
When I was growing up I was convinced that Puff the Magic dragon was holy !!

Puff the Magic Dragon,
Lives by the sea,
With the holy Jesus,
In a land called Gallilee.

That never went down well with my mum and aunties..
( kplex, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 23:16, Reply)