Ruggers!
A couple of school-boy aged tales.
How I became a Gymnast
I'd played a season of rugby (union) at school and despite the fact that I was a skinny little bugger (way back when) I was actually quite solid as well as being fast & nimble. So the coach picked me as a wing for the 1st XV. I played a few games with school (more on that later) and tried out for the State Schoolboys U15's.
Second game for States and I got handed the ball - I was playing blindside, put my head down and powered up the old pegs for a good run. Straight head-first into the back of one of our props. The terms "sack of shit" & "dropped like" come to mind. I could barely move and had even more trouble breathing.
Off to the docs. and the xray I got stretchered.
1 cracked collar bone and 1 broken. Both my shoulders dropped (as they tend to when this injury occurs). The GP told me that that was the end of my contact sport career. That's how I came to be a gymnast.
DO NOT ask me how you get your arse wiped after having a shit when you have 2 immobile arms in slings and you go to an all-boys boarding school.

Get on the Bus
As I was saying - played rugby at school. We had 1 team that for some reason we always had a grudge against. For anyone who went to private boys school in Perth you'll know which school I mean when I say these guys' sporting pitches were a fucking paddock out the back of the school. Fences, cows and all!
Anyhoo... 1 game in particular we played this team at another venue and it all started off rather badly. After kickoff it kicked off & took maybe.. 60 sec. of play before it was an all out brawl. The teachers/coaches quite wisely called off the game and got both teams back onto their buses. Parked directly opposite each other.
Anything not bolted down got picked up and thrown at the other bus. The bussies (drivers) eventually got their shit together and got the buses moving but not before a few dents and broken windows.
The whole team got called up to see the headmaster. We had to all pay for the damage and forfeited that game and all our other games against that school (afaik they copped similar). That hurt cause at that stage we were top of the ladder and forfeiting meant we lost that position for the rest of the season no matter how well we played.
Still we were winning when the game got called. Fucking losers.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 20 Apr 2012, 7:50, 2 replies)

Inevitable
How *do* you get your arse wiped after having a shit when you have 2 immobile arms in slings and you go to an all-boys boarding school?
( electric_goat, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:50, closed)

You don't.
It's not pretty.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 20 Apr 2012, 10:14, closed)